The Power of NO

Hundreds of thousands of years ago, our ancestors could capture a wild animal by hunting together, or they had to be in that community to be around the fire burning in the cave. As social beings, people live with the instinct of being accepted and existing in a community. While this may cause them to be more willing to do some things, it may also cause them to avoid certain things. One of the things they avoid is the word "NO." It can be difficult to say no not only in social life but also in professional life. In this article, we will discuss both the reasons that cause this and the secrets of achieving this.

Why Do We Have Difficulty Saying No?

There are some obstacles to people being able to say no, and these make saying no more complicated and difficult than it seems.

a. Social Factors: Fear of rejection is one of the biggest barriers to saying no. Saying no can cause people to avoid this painful experience for fear that it may lead to rejection by others. However, people's need for acceptance and approval makes it difficult to say no to others. This situation may occur more in people with low self-confidence. Again, in some cases, saying no may inevitably lead to conflict with the source from which the request comes, and since this situation is seen as a situation to be avoided at all costs for those whose instinct to avoid conflict prevails, acceptance may be chosen.

b. Psychological Factors: Complex emotional and conscious states constitute an important input for people to express the seemingly simple word no. No, I look at the factors that can be observed in people who tend to accept the situation and avoid it because of the alternative consequences it will create; situations such as tendency to please people, low self-esteem, fear of failure and lack of initiative skills come to the fore.

What We Carry From Our Past

There is an evolutionary history to why people have difficulty saying no. As social beings, people feel the urge to leave a positive impression on other people and maintain good relationships, which is required by staying together and living together, and this turns into an urge that makes it difficult to say no.

Social harmony theory and social pressure theory are two important theories that stand out in this regard.

• Social Adaptation Theory: People are accepted by other people when they adapt best to social groups and can be a part of that group. Thousands of years ago, the condition for being able to stay in a cave, be around a fire, or eat hunted animal meat was to be in that community. Today's modern man is in a rush to be a part of a group in order to satisfy his emotional hunger, and this creates a fear of exclusion and not belonging, preventing him from being able to say no. Research also supports this situation. Participants who were asked to fulfill a stranger's request were more likely to accept the request, out of fear of appearing different, even if this request was compelling.
• Social Pressure Theory: This is a theory that shows that people have difficulty resisting pressure from other people. Even though the demand from outside is contrary to people's beliefs and values, people under pressure may tend to implement the opposing demand. Stanley Milgram, the owner of the theory, developed this theory based on the participants' inability to resist the demands of the experiment in his 1963 experiment. Being aware of this approach helps us understand why people cannot say no and helps us develop importance.

So How ?

Saying no can sometimes be difficult and uncomfortable, but there are different ways. Let's look at 4 quick tips for this:

1. Be Prepared for Rejection: When you say no, the other person may criticize you or even conflict with you to change your mind. Suggest yourself to reject it.

2. Be Realistic: Consistent with your attitude, explain that the no answer you give is not wrong and should not upset the other person, paying attention to your tone of voice, facial expressions and body language.

3. Maintain Respectful Communication: Being respected is important for everyone, and a no answer by stating this can help the other person remain more at peace with the situation. However, avoid unnecessary exaggeration.

4. Be Persistent in the Face of Insistence: Some people may insist on changing your mind when they receive a no answer. In this case, you can rehearse with someone else that your answer will still be no.

Every demand and request has an opportunity cost, never forget that. The no you cannot say because of things you are afraid of can destroy other opportunities you cannot imagine...