The Power of Assertiveness
Assertiveness is a way of handling a discussion/ interaction such that the outcome is still favourable for you, yet would be WIN-WIN situation for all concerned. One discussion could have two wholly different outcomes based on the approach we use for the same.
Let me tell you my story
I was once a very determined and driven individual. I’d take on only crazy goals, initiatives that no-one else would take, leading fresh new teams, doing the ground work. But something was amiss!
While the goals/ tasks were getting done, there was a lot of attrition in the teams I’ve worked with. I rubbed off the wrong way on a lot of people, as I was goal oriented and not process/ experience oriented. Soon I found myself in situations where, very few looked forward to working with me/ hanging around with me. I fucked up!
But I started travelling more, meeting new people, and got a glimpse that while I was at one end of the spectrum, there were few in the other end who’d not communicate/ do enough to make a lasting change in anything they do, and seek instant gratification/ success.
Both ends of the spectrum aren’t optimal for a good collaborative environment. I decided to try changing the equation within, and eventually around. This journey was no mean task, I had to look deep within, and encapsulate the core essential of what had to change to be taken seriously without having to put an effort. Trust me, this is easier said than done. I failed day in and day out, but kept going.
What did I do differently which changed things around? Which brings me back to Assertiveness.
The power!
I decided to work on being more assertive, and be less aggressive/pushy
Trust me: This works
I started reading more, writing more, trying to hear the other person out/ understand their thought process, before sharing mine.
Fast forward few years later, and lot of failures later→I tend less, to rub off the wrong way on people →make more meaningful connections →burn less bridges. But we must know that this is a work in progress. No one got there by one single action/ step. It takes a plethora of actions, mistakes, actionable insights, repeat efforts, to eventually align us and mould us in the direction we’d like us to reach.
Trust me: This is hard. Insanely difficult. — I never told you it’d be easy ;)
Smarter people than me have written about how to be more assertive (Andrea Ayres), so let me take you through why this is essential.
Being assertive helps us enhance win-win outcomes, minimise conflicts, get things done as a team, rather than alone, sets the tone for future collaboration, while also helping us keep a distance where we might need to.
This is very powerful, helping us drive a discussion/ conversation/ a sale/ a meeting/ a requirement in the direction we’d like it to, even when the odds consistently stack up against us/ person on the other side just is plain blunt.
It takes a while to master this, and I’m still at the foothills of this uphill climb and would like to tag you along on this experiential journey.
Read 7 powerful habits that make you more assertive (Lolly Daskal)to know how you could become more assertive
Lasting change does not come easy.
Speaking of lasting change. If we wan’t something bad enough, we can make it happen. But there will be a lot of stumbling blocks along the way.
The idea is to scale the blocks, keep going at it, till, you come out effective, learn something new along the way, and work on adding value to those around.
What’s your story? Have a different take on this?
Reach out to me and we could discuss :)
Nithin Samuel is an avid reader, explorative photographer, active IEEE volunteer, leading a passionate team of volunteers at IEEE R10Today, having been involved with various conferences over the years, & drives APAC Sales- Explara