The power of Asking
A photo montage of old newspaper clippings mentioning Kombani

The power of Asking

Looking at me now, most will not believe me when I say that for most of my life, I was the smallest in my school. I was also the thinnest.

One of the entry requirements into school was to prove that you were big enough by putting your hand over your head. Of course I failed - I don't think my hand could even reach my face. My mom insisted that I sit a written exam. That was my entry into school.

For some time, my childhood nickname was chapati. And no, I didn't steal anyone's chapati.

When my school shorts were torn at the front, my mom had a big round patch tailored in. Someone said it looked like a chapati and the name stuck for an inordinately long time.

With this kind of background, you understand why I was the most timid. I once volunteered to be the class prefect and the teacher laughed at me and in front of the class, said "You don't have a leadership bone in you."

How, then, did this person end up being one of the most critically acclaimed contemporary Kenyan authors, with books approved as study texts, and with multiple national and continental awards to his name?

I think it started one day when I was traveling with my mom in one of those face-me matatus (for the uninitiated, they were called face-me because people used to literally face each other).

I was sitting next to an old man who had a newspaper. I borrowed it to read and he looked at me with some scorn and asked "Do you even know how to read?" When I timidly nodded, he told me to read aloud – as I read, I could see his face change to fascination. “My! You look too young to read!”

As he alighted, he patted me on the back and told me: You are very creative. And you'll go places. He paid the bus fare for both of us.

From then on, I always sat next to people with newspapers. Did I always get my bus fare paid? No. But those man's words stuck to my head for years.

You are very creative. And you'll go places.

Why am I telling you this? First, because you are working with people with different backgrounds and upbringing, some have constantly been put down by life. And some are still wondering how they get here. Just acknowledging that they bring something to the table gives them a huge confidence boost. In some cases, it will be you - impostor syndrome hits hard and when you get stuck you can hear the shouts of "Chapati! Chapati!"

Second: The power of asking. If I didn't ask, I'd never have received the secondary reward - the confidence boost.

I attribute my personal and professional success to the power of asking.

When I was active in the Kenyatta University Travelling Theatre, we were invited to perform at Egerton University but didn't have the means. My friend Shibi and I were walking in campus and bumped into the feared Vice Chancellor G. Eshiwani's entourage (he used to travel like a president). It was too late to hide, and when he saw us, he summoned us and asked what we were up to. Shibi said "Nothing." Then I blurted out that we were looking for help with transport (one eye wary of the bodyguard known for his karate chops). To our surprise, the VC turned to his deputy and ordered that we not only get transport, but also allowances.

That trip changed me - it was all about asking! By the time I came back I had drafted a proposal for a countrywide setbook performances tour.

  • I walked into Sasa Sema Publishers and asked if I could write a children's biography on Wangari Maathai for them. It turned out that the professor they had commissioned to write this book had delayed, and my synopsis seemed solid.
  • I cold-called the legendary journalist, playwright and moderator John Sibi-Okumu, OGW and asked if he could interview me on his JSO @ 7 Show on Kiss TV.
  • A few years ago, I won a departmental award where the prize was to have a coaching conversation with a senior leader. I asked if I could have it with the Global Head of HR. Guy Whitcher, made it happen. What happened next is a coaching conversation with Tanuj Kapilashrami that has had a great impact in my career and defined what I want to be.

A few thoughts about asking

  • It is not easy. It is hard. Maybe we have been told NO so many times that we stop risking it. And there is always that voice shouting in your ear drums: What are you thinking?

Who are you to ask for a coaching conversation with the boss of your boss’ boss’ boss’ boss? Have you seen the other writers in the Lion biography series? Why do you think Sasa Sema would consider you? Do you know who JSO is? He has interviewed Daniel Arap Moi, Robert Mugabe, Wangari Maathai and other luminaries.

Who are you? You are just a mere ochunglo! (ant in Kenyan Luo)

?Chapati! Chapati!

  • Asking doesn’t always translate to a Yes. The beauty is that by asking, you have drastically reduced the probability of failure. You need to be prepared for a No, or Wait. And that is okay. At least you know. You can stop thinking ‘what if?’

Remember, it's your request, not you, that has been declined.

About 80% of my requests are declined. That looks like a huge, discouraging percentage, but it is the 20% of Yes’ that has made me what I am. So I ask away.

  • ?Prepare to get a different outcome. I didn’t get interviewed by John Sibi-Okumu. But our engagement has given birth to a decade of friendship, collaboration and mentorship that by far surpasses a 30-minute show. My kids look to him as the grandfather they never had. Guka John

?So, what stops you from asking?

Shellmith Wairimu

Resourcing lead for Consumer Private & Business Banking - Kenya.

4 周

Well done Kombani! This is so inspirational and the article on the power of asking is so powerful...

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Tanuj Kapilashrami

Chief Strategy & Talent Officer at Standard Chartered | Board member & Non Executive Director | Author of the book 'The Skills-Powered Organization'

5 个月

Thanks for sharing your super inspiring story Kinyanjui Kombani.. such a powerful message. I enjoyed our coaching conv and always walk away with great insights post our discussions. Great to have you as a colleague...

Herine Ambiyo

Busines Planning Manager |Strategy| Execution | Executive Decision

6 个月

'Asking doesn’t always translate to a Yes. The beauty is that by asking, you have drastically reduced the probability of failure. You need to be prepared for a No, or Wait. And that is okay. At least you know. You can stop thinking ‘what if?’ I will be borrowing this and burning it in my brain.Keep soaring Kinyanjui Kombani you u are an inspiration ??

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Dorothy Obunga

Portfolio Manager, Investment Advisor, Financial advisor.

6 个月

Thank you for sharing. The power of asking.

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MD. RAFI

Digital marketer and SEO expert with social media manager at Fiverr

6 个月

So Nice

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