The power of asking for help and allowing others to help us

Last week’s blog was all about how our team takes care of ourselves during busy seasons. Because we’re right in the middle of the holidays and the last quarter of the year—my busiest time of year by far—I want to stick with that theme and explore an important topic: the power of looking for ways to help others and the power of asking others to help us.

It’s so easy to get into a groove with our everyday tasks and the things we normally take care of that we forget about inviting other people in to help us. For me personally, I know that I can get so set in my routines that operating in a busy state becomes the norm. It’s not intentional, but I forget to stop and take a breath. I rarely question if I need support because sometimes, it feels like I don’t have the time to even think about that. The thing is, though, that just because something is normal to us doesn’t mean it’s sustainable, healthy, or the best way to accomplish it.

Last week, I was reminded of this during a conversation with Monique, our Chief of Growth. Monique and I had just had a strategy meeting, and it was my homework to put the notes from our meeting into a shared Google doc so that we could take action on the things we’d discussed. I said I would take ownership of transferring the notes over to the doc because I typed them on my phone during our walking meeting. Well . . . that never happened. I was really busy, and I kept having to put it off. This wasn’t even a complicated task—I’m talking about a simple copy-and-paste from my phone into a Google doc—but it was low on my list compared to the other priorities I had at the time.

After a few days passed, I casually mentioned to Monique that I hadn’t yet gotten to the notes. That’s when she lovingly said to me, “Friend, if you don’t even have time to copy over those notes, you must be overstretched.” Monique asked me to text the notes to her right then and there and said she would transfer them to our Google doc. She then asked to take a look at my calendar so that she could see what was on my plate and where she might be able to help. (Thanks to Monique’s suggestion years ago, my calendar is time-blocked and I have all of my priorities on there, so Monique knew it would be the easiest way to see what I had on my plate.)

As soon as Monique took a look at my calendar, she saw that I had a few time-sensitive tasks scheduled for my weekend because I had more on my plate than I could accomplish during the workweek. Sometimes, I choose to work over the weekends when I am inspired, but I think Monique sensed that this wasn’t the case for the week at hand: Work was creeping into the weekend because I was over my capacity. She immediately pinpointed two things that she could take off of my plate and ran with them.

What was most surprising to me about that conversation and Monique’s offer to help was that the two tasks Monique took off my plate were things I never thought I could ask for help with. They involve pieces of the creative process for some of my writing, which until this point I have owned entirely by myself. But when Monique offered to support me, I chose to lean into her suggestion. And wouldn’t you know it: I got some time back, I didn’t have to work over the weekend, and we now have a new system for that creative process that allows our team to help me make momentum and get things off my plate faster. None of this would have happened if Monique hadn’t asked if she could support me.

I noticed something else that happened after Monique offered her support: I was more inspired to pause, look at everything on my plate, and challenge myself with how else I could ask for help at work. I delegated several things to others on our team after that conversation because it reminded me that I’m surrounded by people who want to help me. It also inspired me to look for ways that I could ask for support outside of work.

This reflection happened right before Thanksgiving. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with the upcoming holiday because I knew that Spiros and I would be hosting both of our families, and there was a lot of coordinating to do. Up until that point, I had thought about cooking for everyone, but now, it felt like too much. I sat down with Sprios and encouraged us to focus on the question: How can we make this simpler and easier?

We decided we weren’t going to cook Thanksgiving dinner ourselves. Instead, we would take our families out to a restaurant. We both understood that in this busy time, that’s the kind of help we needed—and to me, it was a win-win because it would mean we also got to support a small business.

This is the power of offering help. It causes a ripple effect. Monique’s decision to support me inspired me to look for other ways I could ask for help and support others in the process. But when it comes to offering help, I think there’s a difference between, “Let me know if there’s anything I can help you with!” and, “I see two things I can take off your plate right now. Would you like my help?” When you’re already feeling overwhelmed, the idea of taking time to figure out what someone else can help you with can feel like adding yet another thing to your list. But when you take the initiative to pinpoint the specific items you can help with, it’s easier for the person on the other side to accept that support.

Of course, we don’t always have a person who can point out ways to help us, so it’s important to remember that no one can read your mind. If we just keep going through our weeks as usual, not thinking about ways that other people could help lighten our loads, we will never get off of the hamster wheel. What would happen if we took time every week to pause, look at our schedules and to-do’s, and ask ourselves, “What is one thing I can ask for help with?”

Finally, I want to remind you (and myself) that we can’t hold ourselves to expectations that aren’t human. We cannot give 100% in every single area of our lives at every single moment. It’s impossible to be a 100% parent, a 100% spouse, a 100% leader, and a 100% friend at the same time. At any given moment, we have to pick and choose where we focus our effort and time—and that means we are choosing not to focus it elsewhere. That’s okay, and it’s normal. So often, the expectations we put on ourselves are not actually the expectations that others have of us. We must be honest with ourselves about what we do—and don’t—have the capacity for.

I believe there is no better time than right now to think about how you can help someone. How can you do what Monique did for me? How can you accept support the next time someone offers it? How can you get honest with yourself about what you need and directly ask for it?

And most of all . . . remember that you’ve got this!

Big hugs,

Kristen