The Power of Asking

You’ll always fail if you never ask

A few years ago, Stefan Sagmeister came to my college in Savannah to speak. My business partner and self-proclaimed advertising lover was thrilled, and I decided to tag along because of the promise of free time and supplies in the print-making shop.

Now, if you don’t know, Stefan Sagmeister is a designer truly dedicated to his craft — going as far as bodily mutilation to get the perfect work. Sagmeister is a creative by trade, formally working in graphic design and formerly owning a very famous and well known firm — Sagmeister & Walsh, in NYC. Currently [at time of publication] 56, Sagmeister entered the creative field at 15 years old and has consistently been pushing boundaries and redefining story-telling since. You can learn more about his awe-inspiring talent here. But this story isn’t about that. In Stefan’s print class, we printed a simple quote.

“If I don’t ask, I won’t get.”

I’ve kept this card with me throughout the last few years. At first, I thought it was just a powerful quote — I liked how it sounded, not yet aware of how this would change my perception throughout the years. I’ve said it before — sometimes it takes time to realize the important moments of your life.

I think we can very easily fall into common-place, and ill-advised tropes that dictate how we behave.

“Work hard and you will receive.”

“Good things come to those who wait”.

We are under this impression that somehow, the universe will identify and reward those who try.

This isn’t necessarily true. I’ve watched my team members, friends, family lose out on opportunities, discounts, etc that could have otherwise been available to them — had they simply asked. I frequently see people of the opinion that “if these things were available, they would be handed out readily”.

If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer’s always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place. — Nora Roberts

The universe — and your bosses, your co-workers, your friends, the cashier at Kroger — few of them are going to give any without any reason. And sometimes, that reason is simply “they asked for it.” Every day, you are missing out on dozens, if not hundreds, of potential opportunities or ideas simply by not asking for them.

You are the driving force in your own life. You are the tires on the car that keep it moving. Reach out constantly for everything around you, and never be afraid to open your hand.

“Is this for me?” “What can I do here?” “Can you help me with this?” “What do you recommend I do for — -?” “Can I take on this project?” “What if we do it this way instead?”

If I don’t ask, I won’t get. ASK. Ask often, and work on identifying the right questions. It’s very simple — if you don’t ask, you won’t get.

You may not always receive, but your chances improve significantly once you make the first step of the ask. No one is going to ask for you, and no one is going to drive the car for you. Here’s another one for you — the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

It’s important to note: the type of asking that I am talking about, it doesn’t come from fear, entitlement, arrogance, need, or greed. It does not come from a belief that others can, should, or will fill this perceived need for us. It instead comes from an innate understanding that we know it is our job to communicate our needs, wants, and desires. The people around us, we know they aren’t mind-readers. We can’t expect them to be.

There is no area of life where the “if you don’t ask, you don’t get” principle does not apply — and it’s not just about asking for “things”.

Asking for what you want is a talent, an art form, a skill set ; it requires three things: clear communication, high involvement, low attachment.

It requires you are fearlessly articulate, highly involved in the moment you make your request, but with a low attachment to the outcome. (Do not take “no” personally, or let it dissuade you from further asking!) Rejection will happen, it’s a part of life. Learn to expect it, and be pleasantly surprised when the answer is “yes”. Remain dedicated to your ask.What’s important to remember : If you don’t ask, the answer is always a resounding “no”.

You are the master of your own fate.

P.s. You can see the beautiful 6 part project that Stefan did on the quote himself for a project studying happiness here.