THE POWER OF ACCURATE LANGUAGE

Have you ever found yourself talking to someone, and they just weren’t understanding what you were saying no matter how many times you said it? 

Of course you have. Miscommunication happens every day, and consequences can be small, like picking up the wrong brand of deodorant at the store or enormous, like the breakdown of international diplomacy.

Think of all the problems that would be resolved if people were simply speaking the same language. I don’t mean that literally. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that communication breakdowns happen even with people speaking the same regional dialect. What I’m talking about is getting on the same page—ensuring that when you say something—especially without explanation—the person you’re speaking to understands exactly what you mean. Bridging the gap and reaching common ground, being able to effectively communicate your thoughts and experiences to others, is critical to making a positive impact in the world on the micro and macro levels. 

As renowned writer and public speaker Malcolm Gladwell wrote in his book, The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference, “There is a simple way to package information that, under the right circumstances, can make it irresistible. All you have to do is find it.”

The thing that separates you from making a difference is less about what you’re saying than it is how you say it.

It’s simple.

When we speak, we think that we are being clear and that’s because to ourselves, we are. But words carry hidden meanings. What you say can mean something totally different than what it means to you. When we speak, because we are summarizing our thoughts, we lose that nuance or clarity. This is where miscommunication happens.

For example, if I say “dog”, that comes with its own series of associations for both of us. I may choose to say that word because I remember my childhood dog, who was a companion and friend, and that is what it means to me personally. It most closely matches what I am trying to get you to understand. However, you do not hear all of that. You hear “dog” and think of the neighbor’s dog who bit you. So I’m trying to communicate companionship, and you think danger. 

We are not hearing the same thing. 

We’re in the habit of translating language into what we see, hear, and feel, but we are very rarely on the same page.

This is what I call hallucinating in parallel: when everyone in a conversation assumes that everyone else is experiencing what they are experiencing, but really no one is on the same page. 

We All Have A Story

Say you’re at a party with 30 people that you’ve never met before. You’re all there because the host invited you, but ask other guests how they know the host, and you’ll quickly come to find that everyone has their own story and reason for being there. Some might just be a plus one and not know the host at all. Certainly, no one knows the host the way you do!

We’re all here, but the particulars, the whys and hows, are different for each of us and impact the way we understand the world.

So what do you do about that? Do we just throw in the towel? Is it a scenario where “We’ll just never understand each other” because you have not lived another person’s life?

Hell no!

If that were the case, then we’d never have close friends, spouses, or colleagues. I’m telling you this because it emphasizes how critically important the accuracy of language is. At the end of the day, it’s about relating to one another, and the only way to do that is by being generous, specific, and intentional with your communication. The more vague your language is, the more unclear you are, and the more inaccurately you will be communicating—hindering your overall progress. 

Intentional Communication

It is useful to understand that in any communication, there is a goal in mind. To effectively communicate you need to be aware of what that goal is. Communication should be treated strategically and with intention. This is something that I talk about in coaching.

My purpose is clear: to educate and contribute to the personal development of individuals.

I remember that and carry that through every interaction.

My intention gives form and structure to my conversations.

It reduces chances for miscommunications to arise because knowing and being aware of the intention of a conversation means I can be as particular and specific as possible with my choice of words.

Even here in this blog, imagine how different the message would have been received if instead of talking about miscommunication as a social phenomenon, I blamed you, the individual, for it?

What if, instead of calling it a common mistake, I framed it as a personal attack on your diligence and intelligence? There’s a good chance that you wouldn’t have even read the rest of what I had to say, and even if you did, you would be angry and closed off to what I had to say. My carelessness would cost me your understanding.

When you communicate, instead of staying in subjectivity, aim to bring it closer to objectivity where everyone is on the same playing field. You won’t nail it 100% of the time, but think of how many more people you’ll be able to reach by trying.