Postpartum Partnership Part 2
Jennifer Love Carey
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Reality #2: You may have to decide whether or not to stay in the marriage until the kids are grown
When a marriage isn’t great, there are two camps. It’s better for the kids if you stay in it until they are out of school; it’s better for the kids not to grow up witnessing a poor marriage.
The red line is when there is abuse, whether physical, mental or emotional. I can say with authority that patterns of abuse are damaging to everyone and noone should stay in that kind of situation.
But when the marraige has just changed, when the passion is gone, when real differences in values have emerged, whether to stay in it or not is a hard question.?
And there is not an easy answer.
It’s common that your partnership moves into the ‘friend zone’ where the romance, sex and attraction that brought you together just fizzles out and you become more like roommates and business partners. The love is there, but the spark isn’t.?
That’s the grey area that many people end up in and can be very difficult to know how to navigate.?
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I don’t know what the right answer is here. I think it really depends on the constellation of your family and everyone in it.?
If your man is a loving, kind father and a considerate partner, even though the relationship may not be what you would choose for yourself anymore, you may still decide that the arrangement works well enough for now. And you may feel like you can’t really talk about it.?
I definitely felt that way for a while. The truth is, deep down, my husband knew it. But we both held on. Because he and I are both so committed to personal development and evolution of the self, who we both are changes so much every year or so, and the nature of our marriage changes with us. Sometimes for the better, and sometimes not so much. Whatever happens, I’m good with it. I know I love him, he loves me. And I love myself, too - I am committed to my own happiness.
I know that if we end up making different choices down the road, we will do our best to treat each other with love and kindness. Life is a roller coaster ride and an adventure, and there are many ways it can work. Making peace with that has helped me let go of a lot of the angst that came with feeling like I had to KNOW.?
I hope you never have to make that kind of decision, but if you do, you will need to look at everyone involved and really consider what is best for you and your kids.?
Why am I sharing this gloomy possibility? Because if you do decide to make a change like this, you may not be able to easily if you aren't prepared for it.
Why? Economics.? I’ll talk about that later in the book.
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