The post-pandemic part-time addict

I knew a lovely woman a long time ago, her name was Julie. I knew her back when I was still trying to find god in a building. She had a good heart and a good head on her shoulders. I remember being in a young adult/youth group type setting in her home in EK in Winnipeg. We were discussing giving money to homeless people on the street, she was arguing against the dogma in the room that strongly preached that we don't do them any favours by giving them money for alcohol and drugs. Not shockingly, no one had a better idea either. And then Julie entered the conversation. She shot all the egos down in the room in one sentence. And I will be honest, time is tricky with memory, so I will quote her according to how I would say it now to communicate the truth and energy of what she said then.

"If me giving them $10 on the sidewalk, helps them buy another bottle of alcohol to kill the pain that day and get them through to the next day, closer to the next chance to heal that might come their way, then I am good with that."

Julie was #traumainformed before we even knew what that menat, never mind had hashtags.

I was 19 or 20, and I remember wanting to be like her after that.

.

.

.

I have had this article in my heart and soul for a while now, but as with anything I ever write, I wait. I let it build until I can't stand keeping it in any longer... and then I look for signs that I can #keyboardwarrior the $hit out of it.

For me, with this, that sign came with a recent post from The Self Space over in the UK, in London, a city I have never not missed for 12 years now, after living there for 3 years from 2007-2010.

anyway.

They used a quote that I am familiar with. Hard to talk about addiction, trauma and mental health without quoting Mr. Mate.

Addiction is manifested in any behaviour that a person craves, finds temporary relief or pleasure in but suffers negative consequences as a result of, and yet has difficulty giving up. In brief: craving, relief, pleasure, suffering, impaired control.

-Gabor Mate

And so I am going to be as direct, honest, and I don't give a $hit about anything except opening up avenues for humans to heal, as I can be - and say it in plain words.

Our healthcare system is too overrun, burdened and overwhelmed to do a god damn thing about the current mental health crisis. And that is mostly because what we are actually dealing with is something so far out of their scope that some people should probably be ashamed for thinking this issue was ever in its scope. Note, please, that I am talking about mental health, not mental illness, a distinction that has been lost in the non-strategic efforts to #endthestigma. To get a picture on the detrimental war between the two main frameworks for addressing "mental health" (and a third one fast approaching) see this post.

If you own a business or are a CEO of a big one, it is imperative that you understand that escalating cost of these issues and how you can intervene on behalf of your own people - for them - but also for the pending costs for the company caused by this systemic dysfunction.

Medical Doctors know it, they suffer from #burnout and #moralinjury because of it. They are most often abused by the system that they got into, to help people. (according my non-official, no placeable, entirely human story based study on this, 25% of the day is spent talking to patients whose needs are outside of their scope. But they were given license to medicate that pain, and so that is what they do, because they have to, not because most of them don't know that the human person in the office that day, needs something else.) If you wish to know more about this, follow Olivia Morris and her work with Doctor's Living. They just launched a podcast and it will be ah.mazing.

The field of psychiatry, although foundation-ally built with good intent has run amuck with ego and has pathologised and medicalized the ENTIRE human experience.

Houston, we have a problem. (the problem being that you're on the moon instead of dealing with what actually matters. peace bro, please get your priorities in order.)

Here is a recipe I developed to assist the entire western world in replicating this problem indefinitely should they wish to accept this mission.

- and - while this is not all that is needed to increase the velocity of the so-called "mental health" crisis for us, it certainly fuels it's advancement and supports its festering process well into world domination.

Pinky and the Brain would have paid big bucks for this in 1987. (why am I trying to be lame-ass funny about such a serious issue? because this ache in my soul for humanity bleeds me dry if i don't insert humour, so bear with me)

Back to pain relief in a glass.

If you want to understand the back story here a little better and have the time, I would suggest reading one of the following two articles, pick the title that resonates most and just read that one. I would point out that I wrote these in 2019... before the pandemic. I was right, sadly. (If you want my corporate wellness psychic abilities for what else is coming down the pipeline, you'll have to pay my consulting rate for those...omg. why all the humour-based truth? sorry, just trying to cope and self-soothe as I write this.)

Here are the articles:

How Mental Health Marooned itself

or

Mental Health Crisis: Pending or here

I would love to insert a lot of what is in those articles here, but the problem is that I slipped on ice on Christmas Eve and "sprained" my thumb, typing still hurts though... Which means that I have to go back to the burned out doctors, who likely missed a fracture on the first x-ray, because of their blood shot eyes and exhausted brains and bodies, possibly have my thumb re-broken, so I can get on with life. So, sorry, but those article links are self-preservation for me atm. Plus I also have a new part-time contract to help out a new online radio station on the mental health, #dei side of things and omg. I am 7 days late submitting my slides for keynote for Safety Services Manitoba Conference later this month. Ron J. don't be mad, I had to get this out... y'all are next!

And really, that keynote is called "It's not your fault... (that this is hard)" so we can just say that writing this all out is rehearsal. right? ;)

.

.

.

Gabor also says "We have to stop asking why the addiction and instead ask, why the pain?"

So I finally get down to the point of why I am writing this.

Very many of us became part-time addicts during the pandemic. To something. Wherever it was that we found relief from the profound and deep trigger of the fear, uncertainty and stress, needs to be viewed with compassion and understanding. When we address the pain, fear and disconnection created by the events that left us no choice but to survive until tomorrow via a substance or ill-advised activity, letting go of that self-prescribed survival therapy, becomes possible.

Keep in mind that I mostly speaking to the part-time addicts and that going on this journey helps understand those that appear to be full-time addicts. Addressing the stigma around mental health struggles and addiction fundamentally starts with the recognition that just because some of us have gravitated towards socially acceptable substances, doesn't mean we are not medicating the same pain and disconnection.

Where to start?

1. Make a choice to breathe in through the nose (4 seconds) and out through the mouth (6 seconds while consciously relaxing your jaw and the space between your eyes) 3 times every time something triggers you while you ask the questions.
2. What substances, thoughts or activities am I using to survive the pain until tomorrow?
3. Where did it start?
4. Where do I go to figure out how to reconnect with the support I need to heal so that I do not need this pain relief to survive anymore.

And while I cannot do therapy or individual strategy here in a simple article, I can point you towards some of my fav peeps and orgs that are actually helping. To make it better, I am inserting links to some of my fav posts so you can find what resonates.

The Self-Space w/Gabor Mate (follow Chance Marshall here)

Adult-child and parent relationship, (follow Whitney Goodman LMFT here)

Trauma, abuse, community support

Family dysfunction and relationship, walking on egg shells

For all things about how we have pathologised and medicalized the human experience and used teh trauma of victims of violence against them, you could follow Dr Jessica Taylor

My experience is that if you start following those on social media, you will find yourself inundated with suggestions from algorithms for more of the same.

If you are a corporate leader and you missed our event in December "Wellness & Culture: Back to the way it never was" you can watch the reply here, I am leaving it up a couple more weeks:

Wellness & Culture: Back to the way it never was (Passcode: cn6$NepY)

And lastly, this is what I do, obvs. I have programs, you can see them on my homepage. My keynotes and presentations are here.

I consult and help with strategy and they say I am fun to talk to. So if you want to explore my work and see if what I have to offer is a fit for your organization (or for you as an individual) below are the links to book a chat. No hard sells, this is just a human to human conversation, if I am not a fit, then I might know someone or another organization that is. I want people to heal and feel a sense of control in their destiny, if I am not the right individual for a certain situation, then I bet I know someone in my network that is.

Corporate-type chat w/Sonia

Individual/coaching chat

Listen to a podcast to get to know me better before booking a chat, try this one with "Psych Health and Safety in Canada Podcast"

That's it. I just wanted all us newly aware part-time addicts to know we are not alone. To know that this survival coping skill is everywhere, and that there is healing for it - we just have to be willing to face the pain behind it so we can be free and live the lives we deserve to live.

So much love for accepting the journey that so many of us are on.

Sonia

PS. I take no pleasure in the criticism in this post, it pains me. This is what my glass looks like now.

#leadership #wellness #culture #psychologicalsafety #diversityandinclusion #equity