A post: from one white male to another
Mark Horoszowski
Developing global leaders. Building more responsible companies. Empowering social enterprises. Promoting #Experteering and #TRANSFORMSupportHub
If yesterday, even just for a moment, you thought that some people were blowing the hate crime against Asians out of proportion...
If yesterday, you had even just a fleeting thought that “well, we don’t know it’s a hate crime...”
If yesterday you felt that, even just for a second, “what am I supposed to do - stop my work and care for everyone anytime some bad events hit the news...”
If you had those thoughts, you’re not alone. I did, too.
We’re not taught how to grapple with racism in society because we’re taught that we don’t live in a racist country. We’re not taught how to deal with racism at work because companies tell us they are diverse, equitable, and inclusive.
It doesn’t matter what you thought yesterday. It matters how you act today, and every day that follows. If any community has yet another hate or discriminatory event that happens in the future, make a plan now for how you will react more productively.
Without a question, there will be a time in the future where you will observe racist or sexist activity. You might even be the perpetrator. Make a plan on how to show up better for the people that are discriminated against and help them — even if it inconveniences you.
If you’re a white male, you need to deal with an uncomfortable truth — to have equality, you’re going to have to change some things, including the way you are hardwired to react in everyday situations.
The next time you think...
- ...if only she spoke up more in meetings
- ...that person is being too defensive
- ...why is that person so aggressive
- ...those ____ people are so sensitive
- ... they are just using this time to bring their own cause to the spotlight
... check yourself.
If you think it’s unreasonable for you to have to check your emotions or be guarded in what you say in every conversation with someone from a different community/background/gender/race, then hold that thought for a moment. Think about how hard it would be. How uncomfortable it sounds. How unfair that is. That feeling you're holding... that is what many women have to deal with every day. And Black people. And Asians. And everyone who is not a white male living in a society where white males have set the rules and cultural norms. Every. Day.
It’s hard. It’ll take work. And that’s what it means to get over white fragility and to become anti-racist on a more consistent basis.
If you’re not sure, ask me - I’m working through being a better ally, and we’ll both do better if we share what’s working—and where we mess up. I know I'm going to mess up plenty of more times. It's possible this post is a mess up... but I believe it’ll be better than not trying anything and maintaining the status quo.
Want a list of things you can do? Here's a list of 6 things you can do.
#StopAAPIHate #stopasianhate #blacklivesmatter #genderequality
--- Author's Note on March 19, 7:30am PST
I made a correction to the above post. In the first draft, I used the word "marginalized", as in "when someone from a marginalized community asks..." Someone informed me that "This word implies that such communities are at the margins, outside of the norm, less able, capable or worthy. It has a negative connotation and only feeds more into white supremacist thinking." As such, I've changed 3 sections where I used that word to represent communities. This correction really resonated with me... People aren't marginalized, but rather, people in power take racist actions that make others feel unsafe and unwelcome. Marginalization is a result of actions.
Other useful resources that were shared with me since publishing:
- Asian American Women Are Resilient — and We Are Not OK has 5 steps on how to be a better ally
- Healing Asian Communities
- 6 Ways to Ally against Anti-Asian Hate
Per Diem/End-Of-Life Care Veterinarian
3 年Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability Mark! And thank you so much for showing up and being an ally. This is so so appreciated.
Partnerships at United Nations | #SocialImpact #CSR #humanitarianaid #unmigration
3 年very damn powerful! thank you so much for sharing! It has to keep traveling from one post to the other, among all of us!
Partner, The Bridgespan Group | Adjunct Professor | Leadership Coach
3 年???? yes, thanks for this, Mark, and for showing up as an ally! I’d also add that before jumping too quickly to action, it’s important for all of us to interrogate those “little voices” that we can dismiss or hide behind. Where did that thinking come from? What is it based on? How might I orient differently if there was an alternative perspective? That includes all of us. And then after interrogating we listen to those other perspectives. In this case to Asian women and to other Asians who risk and have had to confront their own “little voices” to even speak up/ out. ????
CEO at Clique-Now | Founder of Cropsticks
3 年Thank you for being an ally. It means so much and creates ripple effects so we can continue to build bridges, dialogue, and empathy. This has been a tough week/year and I like to hold on to moments like these that bring hope.
Photographer | Cinematographer | Keynote Speaker. As a multi-media creator and founder of Reframe House, I combine journalistic research with magical realism to create meaningful and visually striking stories.
3 年This is great.