Is It Possible to Be Too Authentic?

Am I being too authentic?

A client asked me this question, which prompted a reflection on whether that is even possible.

Having recently started in a new senior leadership role she was bringing all of her zest for life and desire to connect deeply with people to her new team, and some of them appeared to be rather overwhelmed by this approach, so she was wondering whether she should be “less authentic”.

For many people the idea of authenticity suggests that there is only one way of being their authentic self yet there are many theories which suggest we have multiple selves which opens the possibility that I can express myself in many different ways and they are all authentic, albeit context specific.

I find the concepts of inner parts very helpful in this regard – not in the sense of a multiple personality disorder (!!) but rather in the sense that I can say “part of me wants to go out dancing with my friends tonight and part of me would like a quiet night!”

When we see ourselves as multiple parts / selves we can see that those parts may choose to express themselves differently in different circumstances. This can also be reflected in 360 degree feedback when we see that various groups of evaluators perceive us quite differently – for example our direct reports may experience us as caring and nurturing whereas our peers may find us stand offish and aloof.

Through this multiplicity lens we may identify that when we are leading our own team our ‘caring self’ comes to the fore and when we are interacting with other senior leaders our ‘inner critic self’ comes out strongly, which causes us to remain distant.

Dr Paul Lawrence and Dr Suzi Skinner include ‘Know Yourselves’ in their model of wise leadership in their book The Wise Leader: A Practical guide for Thinking Differently About Leadership and they describe authenticity in this context as

“the extent to which our different selves are aware of each other and work together collaboratively.”

One of my clients was frequently highly critical with his colleagues yet in our conversations I had learnt that he was also coach of a junior sports team so we explored how he could bring more of his ‘coaching self’ to his work conversations so that he could encourage and empower people rather than berate them.

Welcoming all our various parts allows us to consider which parts of ourselves we want to bring more of to each interaction. All of them bring value in certain situations.

So no, I don’t believe my client was being ‘too authentic’ but she did need to work out ways to balance her more exuberant and loving self with her focused and thoughtful self in order to work effectively with this new group of people!

Which of your selves are the people around you experiencing? How might you encourage your selves to work together more effectively?

I would love to hear how this concept of multiple selves lands with you.

With love,

Sue

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