Is it Possible to Love Yourself More After Moving to a Different City or Country?

In yesterday’s #OneBlogADayInOctober entry I dedicated just one paragraph to the wonderful things I got to experience in London, and focused the bulk of the content on the misadventures that resulted in my departure, concluding with the thought that I am very grateful to have moved back home. I knew immediately as I wrote that piece that I wanted to also leave a record of how much I also really enjoyed my time there. But as I thought about the list of things I liked, a even bigger realization hit me: I may not like the idea of living in London, but I liked myself a lot while I lived there.?

Whew. In the spirit of transparency and sharing thoughts candidly through this content, I have always had a hard time saying that I love myself –– let alone feeling it. I’ve tried to work through it in therapy and there just seem to be blocks somewhere in my brain (or heart) that don’t let me fully believe in the concept of loving myself. At times, though, I am able to say and believe that I like myself. And when I think of the times when I liked myself the most, one big period was while I was in London.?

My therapist told me that to build your self-esteem you need to do esteemable things. Everyone’s definition of esteemable acts is different, as it aligns with your values and what you deem important. Living in a city like Miami versus a city like London will inevitably force you to have a different lifestyle, and London demanded (but in an enticing way) that I become a different person to thrive there.?

So here are three main things (plus a catch-all bonus category at the end) that I loved experiencing or getting to do while I was there, which in turn made me become a version of me that I was proud to be.?

Sustainability: The UK has a big focus on the environmental impact of our actions, and they enable and encourage their citizens to make a difference by their own individual contributions. In London, shops don’t give out free plastic bags with purchases, pushing the use of canvas/reusable bags. There are also clearly labeled recycling bins every few blocks, so whether you’re walking on your way somewhere and need to dispose of an object or it’s time to take out your accumulated recycled items, it’s very easy to do so in the right way. At my first flat in Marylebone, I had a recycling row just two street crossings away. Our building had a trash disposal system, of course, but I’d make the effort to take my recycling out every 3-4 days. I enjoyed doing this as it was an excuse to go outside and get some fresh air, and it also made me feel like I was making a positive impact. Fun fact: one time while sorting my recycling at the bins, a guy hit on me and I ended up going on a date with him. The date was absolutely terrible, but hey, #BadDatesGoodStories am I right?! Aside from all the recycling everywhere, there’s also a big push to reduce meat consumption. There are so many vegan or vegetarian restaurants (or vegetarian/vegan options at regular restaurants) and an even more impressive amount of plant-based substitute items at the supermarket. Which leads me to my next point.?

Healthier/better food: Towards the end of my time in London, I was consuming a mostly vegetarian or pescatarian diet, dedicating some days to eating vegan. The lovely family from New Zealand that I mentioned on the first London blog inspired this change. They invited me over for dinner and mentioned they were vegan and asked if I was ok with that. While enjoying the first of many delicious dinners in their home, I asked what prompted this lifestyle choice for them. “It was a decision based on both health and sustainability,” they said. As I asked more questions, they simplified it in a way that made it accessible to me: “you don’t have to throw away all the animal byproducts in your fridge and go vegan in one day. That’s wasteful. You can start by having a vegan meal here and there, then maybe do one day full of vegan meals, and then the days will turn into weeks before you realize.” This made it an approachable goal for me, and so I started to look for ways to eat less meat. Tesco was a big help with that, selling the most delicious plant-based burger patties I have ever had in my entire life. Impossible burgers I’ve tried stateside pale in comparison to the Tesco plant-based burgers. Then I slowly filled my fridge with nut-based cheeses, oat milk, avocado mayo, etc. The plant-based substitutes were just as good and sometimes even better, and the only animal byproducts that remained in my diet at home were fish, eggs, and yogurt. I didn’t restrict myself when I went out to restaurants, but I tried my best to be as close to vegan at home most days. Which leads me to my next point.?

Cooking: I have never enjoyed cooking, and the mere idea of it stresses me out. When I first arrived in London, I would buy 3-4 days worth of salads from the M&S market at the nearby tube station, and lived that way for months. I cooked very seldom and I was happy that way. Once the pandemic started, all the uncertainty around virus transmission made me wary of eating any food made by anyone who wasn’t me, and so I became a cook overnight. Unexpectedly, I actually started to enjoy cooking and even became inventive in the kitchen. And then I did something unimaginable to me before 2020. My company started to do weekly happy hours work to help us remain connected and have fun in spite of the distance and the global situation. We were meant to take turns showcasing a cocktail recipe via a Zoom call while the rest of us could buy the ingredients to follow along and later drink “together.” When my turn came, instead of a cocktail I decided to do a cooking class for my coworkers with a three-course meal, where each course was based on one core ingredient: avocados. And taking it a step further, each of the courses would represent a continent. For the appetizer, I showed my coworkers my recipe for guacamole, which originated in Mexico/The Americas, of course. For the entree I made an avocado burger, which seems to have originated somewhere in Europe. I made mine with the plant-based burger patty so it was vegan approved. And for dessert, I had learned through TikTok that many Asian countries typically mix avocados with condensed milk or other sweeteners to create sweet dishes.?

Seriously, who had I become? I felt like a Pokemon evolution of myself.?

Miscellaneous: I absolutely love walking, and walking in London is a wonderful experience. Every few blocks the architecture changes and you’re experiencing a totally different space. I would leave in the morning with an itinerary of places to check out, and would come back at night with bloody toes and I hadn’t even noticed. The architecture and juxtaposition of modern construction against old building facades always left me awe-struck. Visiting gigantic parks full of activities and space to walk or gather became a hobby. Battersea, Hampstead Heath, Kensington, Hyde Park. I hold them all dearly in my heart. West End Theatre is amazing and so affordable. I would get same-day tickets sometimes for ￡15-￡25, and on two separate occasions I got upgraded to a better seat (for free) to fill an empty space. I became less shy and forced myself to be outgoing and approach people.?

So, what happened when I came back home??

• Walking in the suburban areas of South Florida is not for me, as you can walk for 2 hours and still be in the same neighborhood. It’s boring and exhausting (especially with the year-long summer temperatures), so my walks came to an end.?
• For some reason, my cooking here just doesn’t come out as good as it did in London, so I stopped cooking and have been relying on meal plans or my family’s cooking. I’m back to not finding any joy in cooking.?
• As much as I tried to introduce substitutes here at home, the options just aren’t as good in the U.S. and my family never caught on. So other than oat milk, I’m back to being an omnivore (but mostly pescatarian).?
• I try to take my canvas bags everywhere but the culture in Florida remains to use plastic bags to a wasteful degree. I reject them whenever possible, but it doesn’t feel like it makes much of a difference. My city did away with our recycling program and removed all recycling bins from our homes, so now we have to dispose of everything as trash.?

What I did manage to keep as a permanent part of me is the lack of shyness. I forced myself to become more outgoing and less afraid of rejection. I’m an introvert to the core, but I now appreciate the power in striking up a conversation and forming a connection with someone.

Does the fact that most of what I liked about me is no longer a constant mean I don’t like myself anymore? No, it doesn’t. London helped me discover sides and skills and powers I didn’t know I had. I may not be using them all as consistently as I was while I was there, but whenever I remember my time there I just feel proud of every new experience I tried. The esteemable acts were all things I did, so at the end of the day I still hold them as mine. All of that is still in me and I can deploy any of it whenever I want.?

Well, maybe not the cooking. But the rest I can easily get back to, and maybe one day the kitchen (and my self-love) will find a permanent spot in my heart regardless of where I live.