Positivity vs Toxic Positivity - Big Difference!

Life isn’t always easy. Some days feel great. Other days feel crap. That’s normal life. And in the middle of it all, you’ll hear things like “just stay positive and it will all work out” or “everything happens for a reason, your fine” Sure these might be good mindsets to have sometimes, but it’s last thing anyone needs to hear overwhelmed and mid panic attack.

Forcing positivity isn’t the same as choosing it. There’s a big difference between acknowledging life as it is, and pretending everything is fine.

Real positivity is:

? Acknowledging thoughts and emotions without judging them. Just letting them be and not leaving them define you.

? Facing what’s in front of you first, then shifting towards solutions when you’re ready.

? Knowing that most challenges don’t last forever. You’ve adapted before and you’ll adapt again.

? Treating yourself and others with kindness and empathy, not forcing pretend happiness.

Toxic positivity, on the other hand, is:

? Dismissing or suppressing emotions instead of allowing yourself to feel them.

? Feeling like you have to be positive all the time, even if you are struggling, or just experiencing a difficult emotion.

? Avoiding discomfort by putting a positive spin on stuff, rather than processing and working through it.

? Gaslighting and making people feel guilty for experiencing an emotion you didn’t like.

Why Forcing Positivity Doesn’t Work

Have you ever heard things like, “stay positive” “don’t be thinking like that” or the best one “look on the bright side.” Again, maybe helpful at some stage, but when you’re in the middle of something really hard, it’s the last thing anybody wants to hear really.

I’m doing a lot of sitting with emotions at the moment and I’ll be honest, it is sometimes difficult. Acknowledging the stuff we don’t want to acknowledge isn’t exactly easy. But the alternative is pushing it down and that just builds up and comes out as stress, burnout and feeling completely disconnected from yourself. “Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, don’t want a second one, cheers and thanks!”

When Toxic Positivity Met Real Positivity

Toxic Positivity: “Just stay positive! Everything happens for a reason!”

True Positivity: “Alright, but maybe some things just feel shit and that’s okay too.”

Toxic Positivity: “But if you just smile through it, the bad feelings will go away!”

True Positivity: “Or… I could actually feel them, process them, and move on in a healthy way instead of shoving them down like last night’s dinner.”

Toxic Positivity: “Seriously, you’ve got to look on the bright side! It could be way worse!”

True Positivity: “Yes and it could also just be bad for now. Acknowledging that doesn’t mean I’m giving up or being negative, it means I’m being honest with myself.”

Toxic Positivity: “Okay, but what about gratitude? Someone out there has it way worse than you!”

True Positivity: “Gratitude is great, but comparison has nothing to do with it. I can be grateful and still allow myself to have a struggle. Both things can be true at the same time.”

Toxic Positivity: “…Fine. But at least put a smile on your face?”

True Positivity: “The only mask I’ll be wearing is for Halloween. Let me feel what I need to feel. Thanks”

How to Avoid Toxic Positivity

? Let yourself feel it. You’re human. Whatever comes up, let it come up.

? Observe it without judgment. Don’t label emotions or feelings as good or bad, just notice them.

? Move on when you’re ready. Not because you ‘should,’ but because it feels right to do.

? Be mindful of how you support others. I am sometimes a jump straight to fix it kinda person. I learned that not everything needs fixing. Sometimes, people just want to be heard. I have to remind myself of that. Instead of “you’ll be ok, do this” it’s “I understand it is hard. I’m here if you need me.”

My Final Thoughts

Anyway I certainly don’t have all the answers. I’m still figuring this shit out for myself, just like everyone else. What I do know is that life isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It’s about being real, feeling what you need to feel and moving forward when you’re ready.

Social media is just a highlight reel of people’s lives these days. Picture perfect moments, showing perceived perfect lives and the biggest illusion yet. The posts that look like everyone has their shit together. Be real! Life isn’t like that. It’s messy, unpredictable and full of ups and downs but it’s also amazing. True happiness doesn’t mean you just smile through everything. It’s about embracing the full experience of being a human being.

And that’s exactly what Focus on Happiness is about. A place to simply be yourself!

No masks needed, no pretending, just real people connecting and supporting each other. Having fun, focusing on what truly matters and taking some amazing pictures along the way.

If that sounds like a space you’ve been looking for, you might have found your tribe. See you there! www.focusonhappiness.ie