#PositiveVibes - Values

By John R. Nocero

The VIBE - You are what you value. Our values are constantly reflected in the way we choose to behave.

All of us want to succeed, and we are all doing it in some pretty tough circumstances, some self-imposed and some not. Maybe the issue is how we are defining it? We all want to get better and make better connections; that is why we are here on LinkedIn. But as Manson writes, (and I am not hyperlinking to this piece intentionally because there is a curse word in the title and I do not want to intentionally or unintentionally offend some of you, so please go to his Web site to read it) “You cannot talk about self-improvement without also talking about values. It’s not enough to simply “grow” and become a “better person.” You must define what a better person is. You must decide in which direction you wish to grow…..Every moment of every day, whether you realize it or not, you are making a decision of how to spend your time, of what to pay attention to, of where to direct your energy. Right now, you are choosing to read this article. There are an infinite number of things you could be doing, but right now, you are choosing to be here. Maybe in a minute, someone texts you and you stop reading. When those things happen, you are making a simple, value-laden decision: your phone is more valuable to you than this article. And your behavior follows that valuation accordingly.

Our values are constantly reflected in the way we choose to behave.

There’s the rub, you can say that you have certain values, but if you behave in a way that contradicts them, well, those values are unimportant. Manson goes on to say that "Actions don’t lie. We believe we want to get that job, but when push comes to shove, we’re always kind of relieved that no one called us back so we can retreat to our video games again. We tell our girlfriend we really want to see her, but the minute our guy friends call, our schedule magically seems to open up like Moses parting the Red Sea." That is true. Many of us state values we wish we had as a way to cover up the values we actually have. In this way, aspiration can often become another form of avoidance. Instead of facing who were really are, we lose ourselves in who we wish to become.

And that’s where my focus has been over the last week – facing who I am really am and not who I wish to become. Am I spending the time with the people I say I love or wasting it on messaging with people who were important to me 30 years ago? If it is the latter and not the former, they've gotta go. Sorry. Am I spending as much time with Kelly as I want to – there is no one more important than she is – EVER, let’s not get that twisted – or am I putting others ahead of her? If I am putting other people ahead of her, that has to stop.

Am I doing the things I enjoy – writing, working reading, Stratting. If the answer is yes, to everything, then I am. If not, the answer is no. and if the answer is no too many days in a row, then I am lying to myself because I am not following my own values, which will eventually get me, usually in the form of self-loathing, because I will have to admit that I have certain values and that I wish we had other values, and it’s this discrepancy between self-perception and reality that usually gets me into all sorts of trouble.

I am not the highest value in my life, but my values are important. I am not a BRAND – That is a fancy way to ask about my reputation – and if I live according to my values it will be good. I am what I value. So are you. Live it.

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