#PositiveVibes - True Self

By John R. Nocero & Nicole M. Palmer

The VIBE: Get stronger by connecting with your true self.

John: Charlotte Bronte, in Jane Eyre, said, “I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself." I get it now. And I love it. A common misconception about me is that I don’t care if I am alone. Of course, this varies with each person that I come in contact with, but on the whole, it is just not true. I do want to fill included, but at the same time, I am introverted and it is not easy for me to try to fit in. So I am done trying.

There are days when I feel like I am operating on a different plane of existence and not just a different brain structure. Working with my current group has allowed me to reconnect with the introverted dude, who I am at the core, and who I didn’t realize that I absolutely missed. I was telling a colleague the other day, that it is easy for me to go and speak to a room with 2000 people, but certainly do not put me into a room 1-1 where I have to talk to people and ask how you, well, how you are. That makes me ill. Seriously. I am okay to talk about work, but that’s it. That’s really minor small talk. It just wears me out. I am sitting here with a new colleague in the office today and we probably won’t speak and you know what – both of us are okay with it. And that means I have found my tribe. And before you get it twisted yo, before you say “He and Nicole write every day, they want us to read them, they want the attention,” um, no. We are not attention-seeking. We do this for us. We are not a brand, we are McDonalds, and we are not Burger King, so you don’t get to have it your way. I don’t owe you normalcy, nor a response to your messages unless I want to. I still crave company but good company will come on its own, and they won’t expect me to fake anything, mimic anyone, ask why my responses are short, or wonder why I don’t talk more. They will just be with me and accept me as I am. Getting stronger every and holding on to my true self.

Nicole: A lesson that we often learn later in life is to care less about what people think. I wish there was a way to teach someone this sooner, but it is part of the process of getting wiser. When you stop caring about what really isn’t important in life, you will feel the weight lifted. It’s good to let go of the things that are making us feel like an anchor. Being true to yourself is what is important. Stop trying to impress others. Do things for you and no one else. If you love to write. Write everyday if it makes you feel good. If it feels like more work than pleasure, then stop. Write for you.

John, here is where we differ regarding being introverted. I prefer 1-1 conversations that are deep and meaningful. I don’t believe in small talk. Do not put me on stage with 2000 people, unless you want to see a dear in headlights. Can I get on stage and give a speech? Yes. Do I want to? No. I find it to be mentally exhausting trying to prepare for a speech. I’m the type of person who can have a minimal conversation on a long road trip. I don’t think silence feels awkward. I’m okay with looking at the scenery, feeling the wind blow through my hair and smelling the greasy food or the fresh maneuver in the country. I like to take in the experience. Sometimes we get caught up in conversations where we miss the experience, which is more important to me. Don’t get me wrong, I do prefer conversations in the car, but being mindful is what makes me feel grounded. If you don’t like giving speeches. Don’t. If you prefer 1-1 conversations, have them. Living a meaningful life with less stress is what is important.

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