#PositiveVibes - Stuff!

By John R. Nocero & Sandy Abell

The VIBE: Anyone else got a lotta stuff? We have a lot of stuff!

John: I am looking around the house this weekend and the thought occurred to me – wow, do we have a lot of stuff! I am a minimalist by nature, so I hate stuff; let me take that back. I like stuff, but if it is stuff I generally use on a daily or weekly basis.

Kelly is more into stuff than I am. Kel is a reader. Back in the day, when she didn’t have time to read, she would buy books from Amazon, probably a book a week. I remember coming home one day and there was a stack of unopened Amazon packages on the table. I asked her what all of it was and she said they were books that she hoped to read one day.

She was still tied into the habit of reading, but since she didn’t have time to read, she thought buying books would either encourage her or get her back into the habit. Come to discover it was neither. I think a lot of people are like this. They buy stuff they don’t need or because they did it once and they think they have to keep doing it.

 Now, I always ask myself – will this purchase bring me joy and will I use it regularly? If so, you bet I buy it and then I put it to immediate use. I bought a book over the weekend that I am trying to figure out when I am going to read it; but for me it is the same.

Prioritize what you want, discard what you don’t.

Sandy, have you seen others like this, that purchase what they think they will use or are emotional buyers to make up for something that either are lacking or want? If so, what do you recommend?

Sandy: Great topic John! In our society it seems that people are often judged by their stuff. If you have the big house or the fancy car, others are impressed and supposedly think more highly of you. Or sometimes we want the stuff to feel good about ourselves, because we don’t have high self-esteem and let the stuff define us.

With things like books, we’re usually not trying to impress anyone. It’s more about hoping that having them will create a certain situation (like Kelly thinking if she has the books she will make the time to read them.) Some people buy fancy china for that big dinner party they never get around to having, or buy the exercise equipment but can’t find the time to use it. It seems that these purchases are optimistic. People make them in order to create a situation, instead of creating the situation and then getting the tools they need to do it (as you do).

Then there are folks who are emotional buyers, and get a rush from just buying things. They never use them, but the process of buying and having them gives some kind of satisfaction. They may have come from a childhood where they didn’t have things, and are trying to alleviate the fear that scarcity brings up for them. They never throw out or give anything away because they fear they might never get something like it again.

When taken to extremes this behavior can turn into hording, which can have a whole lot of negative consequences.

The bottom line is that after our basic needs (food, clothing and shelter) are met, everything else is stuff. It’s important for each person to look at what they have and identify why they have it. What need is it filling? Once you are clear on the purpose of all the stuff, you can decide what to do with it.

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