#PositiveVibes - Limiting Beliefs

By John R. Nocero & Sandy Abell

The VIBE: Things that you learned when you were young and have thought for so long, they become beliefs. A belief is just a thought you think over and over again. When you tell yourself something often enough, it becomes your reality.

John: Sandy and I were talking about limiting beliefs yesterday. Simply, Limiting beliefs are those which constrain us in some way. Just by believing them, we do not think, do or say the things that they inhibit. And in doing so we impoverish our lives. Saying things like, I can’t, I shouldn’t, I don’t and the like, limit us. These can come from our experiences – what you experience, you believe to be the source of truth, and so on. As Deschene notes, it’s painful and stressful to feel like you’re living a lie. Like you’re hiding how you really feel, saying what you think other people want to hear, and doing things you don’t actually want to do—just because you think you’re supposed to. But sometimes we don’t recognize we’re doing this. We just know we feel off, or something feels wrong, and we’re not sure how to change it. It makes sense that a lot of us struggle with being true to ourselves.

 Understand that you have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with anyone else. This means you make space in your life to connect with yourself, perhaps through meditation, journaling, or time in nature. This also means you face the harsh realities you may be tempted to avoid. You’re self-aware when faced with hard choices—like whether or not to leave a relationship that doesn’t feel right—so you can get to the root of your fear.

 Sandy, people might not always do this right away, or easily, but how do people get to where they’re willing to ask themselves the tough questions most of us spend our lives avoiding. Why am I doing this? What am I getting from this? And what would serve me better?

 Sandy:  Hey John, it was great talking with you. We always have such fascinating conversations.

 Limiting beliefs are a great subject! They are what I call “shoulds.” Things that you learned when you were young, and have thought for so long they become beliefs. (A belief is just a thought you think over and over again). When you tell yourself something often enough it becomes your reality.

 Some “shoulds” are positive, like “pay your bills on time; be responsible for your actions; be kind to others, etc.”, and they are worth keeping. Unfortunately, others can hold us back and become limiting. These are thoughts like, “I’m not good enough; everyone will laugh at me; nobody loves me; I’ll fail at whatever I try, so why bother; I’m really a fraud, etc.”

 The delivery system for these beliefs is the little voice in your head that narrates your life. It’s called your self-talk, and at this moment it’s probably telling you, “what! I have no such thing!” Of course, we all do self-talk all day long, so it’s important to pay attention to what you’re telling yourself.

 In order to let go your limiting beliefs, the first thing to do is to become familiar with your self-talk. What do you say to yourself? Are you being positive and supportive – “I can do it!,” or are you being negative – “Give it up because it’ll never work.”

 Once you identify your negative self-talk, you have the option of changing it. Sometimes it helps to look at where that belief originated.

 If the family you grew up in didn’t have much money, then you probably listened to your parents talking about how money is a struggle. Over time this became your belief, even though as an adult this might not be your situation. However, you might still be telling yourself this limiting belief. The cool thing is that as an adult you have the right and power to think and believe anything you want, so if you’re continuing with the negativity, it’s time to identify it and let it go.

To stop the limiting beliefs you have to let them go, and then replace them with positive ones. When you do this it will make a huge difference in how you feel about your life.

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