#PositiveVibes - Like Attracts Like

By John R. Nocero and Nicole M. Palmer

 The VIBE: Look for similarities, not differences, with others.

John: One thing I have worked on is not running after any one thing thinking it will bring me happiness. Unfortunately, the brutal truth is that if you get so absorbed in chasing happiness, you will be unable to see the real happiness that is already around you and take it into your soul. You can’t run after the future. You have to let the future come to you to make the best of it. This is what truly brings happiness into your life. It’s like your own personal relationship with money. You have to let money come and go; it’s use is to be able to purchase goods and services with, it’s a currency. Happiness is the same way; only it is currency for your soul.

If your goal is to be happy, there are some simple habits that you can cultivate on a daily basis. Practicing gratitude is one. Mediating is another as is being present. Here is another: Stop seeing the differences between yourself and others and instead seek to find the similarities. Nicole and I say a lot that like attracts like. Instead of complaining about other people, assume the best intent about other people and that they are doing their best. That is a similarity that you can cultivate. If you are having trouble with say, Excel Pivot Tables, and if you are working with someone who is advanced at using them, speak up. Have them teach you.

 We are at work the majority of the day. According to Johnson, when we’re feeling stagnant or trapped in our job, jumping ship altogether often seems like the best option for disruption. However—and this is a big one—what if you didn’t have to? What if you could identify what motivates you, and why your current job isn’t a good fit? What if you communicated your desires for growth to your boss, and were able to do so in a constructive way? What if you could find a way to disrupt yourself without quitting or losing your job? Maybe some of that is finding what makes you similar?

 And if it makes you uncomfortable, well stop and think for a second that when you are the most uncomfortable, you are growing the most. Nicole, how do you find the similarities in others?

 Nicole: We can’t run away from our destiny. We must go through the experience and feel the emotions. If you get caught up in your emotions it stalls you from enjoying the beautiful things around you. It’s important to experience the emotion, accept it, and then move on.

 I think it’s important to first identify the dissimilarity and work through why you don’t share a common ground. This short exercise will help you identify a similarity. We may not share similar experiences, but we can identify with similar emotions. I may not know what it’s like to go through a divorce, but I can identify with the feelings of abandonment, loneliness, hurt, depression, anxiety, anger and many other emotions that come with grief. This is how you seek the similarity by listening to what other people say and truly listen. It’s important to demonstrate concern, fully understand what the other person is saying. This will prompt you to summarize what was said. I like to say, “If I’m hearing you correctly.” This gives the person a chance to respond, and they will either agree or disagree. If they disagree, this is their opportunity to clarify what they mean. You will then summarize it again, until the other person says, yes, that’s exactly what I mean. I used this technique a lot when I worked in primary care. It was a way for me to connect with patients and to be able to fully comprehend what they were going through.

 John and I would love to hear how you seek similarities in others.

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