#PositiveVibes - It's Never Too Late

By John R. Nocero & Sandy Abell

John: I think there is a point in our lives where we all realize we will not accomplish all the goals we set and I think that is okay, because some of those goals are unrealistic or fit us at different moments in life. I will never play centerfield for the New York Yankees or run a four-minute mile. But what I can do is find out what I am good at and double-down and achieve that at all costs. This takes time, but it really means, you have time. Just start. Change the environment. Change your social circles, but start doing what you want to do.

Sandy, thanks for sharing your thoughts on this from the article you wrote a while back.

Sandy: A while ago I was on an hour-long talk radio show, and since it was Valentine’s week, the subject was relationships and love. One of the areas we discussed was the futility of loving someone who is narcissistic, because they can’t really see you so they can’t love you back.

When I returned to my office, I was delighted to find a voice message from a woman who came to me for counseling 25 years ago! I haven’t heard from her since then, yet here she was on my phone! She said that she had listened to the radio show and was reminded of our sessions so many years ago. She told me that after 30 years of marriage she is currently going through a divorce, because it turned out he is a narcissist. She always thought that if she just loved him the right way, he would stop being emotionally abusive and change. She finally understood that he never would, so she was taking care of herself and getting out.

 Her message to me was that it was wonderful to hear me again (how lovely) and to thank me for all the help I gave her so long ago. She said, “You told me 25 years ago that he would never change, but I didn’t listen. However, I always remembered your words, and they gave me permission to leave when I was finally ready.” I was so honored that after 25 years this delightful woman took the time to pick up the phone and express her appreciation for our long-ago encounter. She was charming, gracious and sincere as she told me how much our interactions meant to her.

 She gave me a wonderful gift that day, which still makes me smile, and probably always will. Her thoughtfulness in making that call has blessed my life. So, this month I’m reflecting on the importance of letting people know how much they mean to me and how much I appreciate them and their actions. No matter how long ago we were connected, it’s a beautiful gift I can always give. It’s never too late.