#PositiveVibes - Hum Baby

By John R. Nocero & Nicole M. Palmer

The VIBE: Listen closely and you can get that hum back, baby, with Mom Truths

John: Shonda Rhimes, the titan behind Grey's Anatomy, Scandal and How to Get Away With Murder, has been responsible for some 70 hours of television per season, and she loves to work. "When I am hard at work, when I am deep in it, there is no other feeling," she says in a famous TED Talk. She has a name for this feeling: The hum. The hum is a drug, the hum is music, the hum is God's whisper in her ear. But what happens when it stops? Is she anything besides the hum? Nicole, have you ever lost the hum? I have. It happened when I changed jobs in 2009; I lost my confidence, I had a terrible time rebuilding it.

Over that time, though, I rebuilt it, through saying yes, mostly to myself. Rhimes did the same, committing to saying yes to opportunities that scared her. Who could scare that titan? She feels fear too. She said yes to opportunities that made her squirmy and uncomfortable and that promised to teach her something every step of the way. She was taken out of her comfort zone. If someone contacted me or an opportunity arose that made her heart leap, she did it unequivocally. And in time, she heard the hum again.

All of us can lose the hum, the trick is knowing when you lose it and loving yourself to get it back. Nicole, what is your hum, have you ever lost it and how did you get it back. Psst – watch the talk first ;)

Nicole: I’ve said it and I’ll say it again. They are only little for a short period of time. With Rhimes, it took her a little bit of time to realize her purpose. I live for those sticky icky fingers and wet kisses. Yes, that little one just had his fingers up his nose and then he will come and stick them in your mouth, and say, “Momma say ahhhhhh.” If this was a co-worker, I would not let them get away with it. It’s funny how when you are a parent, that the things that once used to gross you out, you now become desensitized to. Mom truth #1.

Playing is essential to growth. I never take anything for granted. I will always say yes, to playing. The joy that it brings to them, that you will stop whatever you doing to go play with them, the smile it brings on their face, the squeal that they make, the hugs and kisses you receive, are priceless. No amount of money is worth missing all of those priceless moments. Mom truth #2.

I can relate to Rhimes on multiple levels. Before I became a mom, I was a workaholic too. I don’t know what to do when I have idle time. My whole life, I’ve always carried 3 jobs and volunteered any opportunity that I had. I love working and I love making money. When I became a mom, I realized that 8 weeks is not enough time to bond with your child. I asked my employer if I could take an extended maternity leave with unpaid time off. I was lucky enough that they agreed to my request of 6 months. During that 6 months I realized being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest job I had ever had. Here is a shout out to all of you stay-at-home mom and dads. It is not a walk in the park. You are working 24- hours a day, 7 days a week. You never get a day off. Babies do not care or understand that you are tired or when you are sick or hungry. They rely on you for EVERYTHING. People have a misconception that it is easy to be a stay at home mom/dad. You truly don’t understand until you lived it. These are your Titans. Mom truth #3.

After 6 months of being a stay-at-home I realized you can’t put all your eggs in one basket. Balance is key. I need to learn how to be Nicole Palmer again, a wife, and balance being a mom. I missed the adult conversations, wearing business casual outfits to work, or heck, just being able to take a shower in the morning uninterrupted. Being able to go to work and have a hot cup of coffee and a meal uninterrupted is something we take for granted! Mom truth #4.

I’m truly blessed to have the opportunity that I am able to work remotely a couple of days a week. This has helped me achieve my goal to be able to have work-life-balance that I was missing in the 6 months that I was a stay-at-home mom. Please don’t be confused. I loved every moment of being a Titan. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Yes, money was tight, but these moments are irreplaceable. You can’t get them back. Mom truth #5

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https://www.ted.com/talks/shonda_rhimes_my_year_of_saying_yes_to_everything