Positive Thinking

Years ago, when I was a teenager, I was intrigued to know that Tarzan wasn’t just a comic book, it was a character created by Edgar Rice Burroughs who had written many a novel on Tarzan. I was even more intrigued to know that Tarzan wasn’t the only character Burroughs had created. He had also created John Carter, a character who travels to Mars and fights intergalactic battles. John Carter was heroic and somewhat of an inspiration for me back then in my formative years. Whenever John Carter found himself in a tough spot, he used to say, ‘I still live.’

This phrase stuck and although I have never been in life threatening situations, the way John Carter had, I automatically found myself uttering these words, when I was in a bind. Years later, I realised that it was a perfect example of positive thinking in the face of adversity. We keep hearing of the power of positive thinking and often get told to look at the glass half full. But, equally, when we are staring at an adversity in the face, it is likely that this advice goes out of the window. It is easier to look at how things are not working for us, rather than what the bright side of it is, isn’t it? For example, if I have had an accident and am bedridden and in pain, what possible bright side can there be after all, right?

But, the fact remains that we can teach ourselves to look at things in a different manner. Most things, anyway. Let me try and explain with the help of the following diagram. The diagram represents one day in our life and for simplicity’s sake, the day is divided into ten parts. On an average day, you could have three bad parts, four parts that are neither very good nor very bad, and hence neutral, and three good parts. How would you classify this day? There are three ways.

One person could say anything that is not pure white, is by definition not GOOD and hence, bad. This means the day was 7 parts bad, and 3 parts good. So, overall, it was a bad day.

Another person could look at what the majority was and say, there were 4 greys, which was more than either the black or the white parts. So, the day was neither good nor bad, it was neutral.

A third person could decide that anything that is not black, is not BAD and hence, good. This means that the day was 7 parts good, and only 3 parts bad. So, overall, it was a good day.

Thus, the same day may be looked upon by three different people differently. Sometimes, though, looking positively at things may be easier said than done, I give you. But if one keeps looking for a silver lining in most dark clouds, one can rewire the brain to flip the outlook from “glass half empty” to “glass half full”.

But it begs the question — how do you do that? Here are a few pointers that will help you with that.

1. Maintain a gratitude journal. It is possible to rewire your brain to learn anything new with constant practice. This means that if you find three things to be grateful for every day, you could completely rewire your brain to look at the bright side of things in two months. I have written about gratitude earlier, and just to reiterate, gratitude does not just mean what you have and others don’t. Gratitude also does not just mean being thankful for a large windfall, because you cannot have that every day. Gratitude also means being thankful for something that you have today, which you would miss if you lost it. It could even be a bad job, or a terrible place to live in. If you are thankful instead of complaining, your outlook is changing for the better.

2. Don’t dwell on the past. Things go wrong, yes. They go wrong for everyone. We do not live in an ideal world and things will not always go right for us. You may have to go through a breakup, your boss may yell at you for something you don’t think is your fault, you may be passed on for a promotion, you may lose your job, you may suffer the death of a loved one, or there may be many things that may not go right for you. But these things matter only if you allow yourself to dwell on them.

What is more is that sometimes people find more things to complain about, which are really insignificant. They may complain about how it is too hot, or how it is too cold, how they prefer short hair when they have long hair and how they prefer long hair when they cut it short, how they want a vacation when they are working and how they want to get back to work when they are forced to take a vacation (like during the lock down).

They have a choice. To let go of what is over, and not hold on to it to make themselves miserable. And so do you. Thus, if you choose to not dwell over the past and decide to merely take a lesson from the episode and try to move ahead, you will train your brain to not be pessimistic all the time.

3. Don’t worry about an uncertain future or predict it. It is natural to think of the worst possible outcome when faced with an uncertainty. If the boss has called for a meeting, you begin to wonder if you have done anything wrong. If someone you know is in the hospital, you begin to worry about their health. If you have an interview coming up, your mind paints a thousand pictures of how it is going to go wrong. This is fine, since it allows you to be better prepared. But if you choose to always make it the centre-point of your thoughts and start with the negative, the outlook will remain pessimistic. Instead, remember that you do not know why you have been called by the boss, for example, and wait to find out until you meet him.

4. Practice acceptance. If you fall in a pit, there are a few things you have to accept. One, you are in the pit, and there is no sense in believing that things are normal. Two, you have to make an effort to come out of the pit. Three, you might not be able to do it yourself, and may need help. Four, despite how hopeless it seems, it is possible to come out of the pit. Five, the effort may be difficult. Six, despite the difficulty, the effort is going to be worth it. This is true of almost all other situations as well.

5. Smile like a maniac. Studies have shown that when you smile, the brain is tricked into believing that you are happy and releases endorphins (happy hormones). Happy hormones means more positivity. This is also the premise behind laughter therapy. There are similar physiological and psychological benefits that accrue with voluntary laughter as with spontaneous laughter. So if you are feeling down and out, smile even if you don’t feel like it. Better still, laugh.

6. Be appreciative. Be appreciative of yourself. Do not disqualify the successes you have achieved. Do not ignore the positives that you have. Learn to recognise the positives in yourself and applaud them. Learn to recognise new positives in yourself every day.

Be appreciative of others. It is fine for others to do better than you. Instead of letting your negative feelings such as jealousy overpower you, appreciate them.

7. Find the right company. Negativity and positivity are both contagious. It is possible to sink into negativity if all you have around you are negative people. People who always complain tend to pull others down with them. And people who are positive will radiate positivity and influence others as well. It is better, therefore to find people who are appreciative of life and have joie de vivre and be with them, as it improves your own positivity quotient.

8. Embrace imperfection. Studies show that perfectionists find faults in themselves and others, make unreasonable demands, remain miserable and make others miserable. That is because perfection is a myth. If you learn to accept that sometimes just good enough is good enough, it would release the pressure off of you to be perfect, and bring you into a more positive frame of mind.

There are dozens of other things that can be done to develop positive thinking. Each one of us can find our own ways to remain positive, even when the world around us seems dark. What other methods do you use to remain positive?