Positive Post #34: Keeping Commitments Visible

I'm noticing that my goals and my bucket list and my vision board (yeah, I know, that's too much stuff) are not very motivating right now. My triathlon is cancelled, it seems irresponsible to buy my dream car right now, and I can't travel. Lots of the things I use to push myself just seem irrelevant. Others seem like tempting fate if I continue to wish for them, when I really am grateful just to have income.

The problem with having my goals "turned off" right now, is that it can be hard to feel motivated or to feel like I actually had a good day. What is a good day? How do I measure if my measuring stick is stuck in some alternate dimension?

Even my quarterly business goals seem easy to ignore because all bets are off. Things might be terrible or things might be better than I had hoped. It seems like it's all arbitrary or irrelevant.

So, I say to myself, how do I know if I'm having a good day?

Lately I've been trying to zoom out to a broader view, like backing out of a Google map, and say, "What are my more general commitments underlying these goals?" I might not be able to say I completed an Olympic triathlon in 2 hours and 50 minutes in June, because that race is cancelled. But I can say for sure I'm committed to being strong and feeling good.

And that lines up with the fact that on the days I exercise, I seem to feel more like I had a good day. I can't follow my training plan exactly, because the swimming pool is closed, but I can honor my commitment to myself to be strong and feeling good physically. And I know if I want to feel good, I have to eat food that doesn't make me feel terrible later, and I have to move my body and do something challenging. And I know that going for a run clears my head.

Some other examples I've noticed are accomplishing professional work. In the past weeks, almost every day I put six or seven items on my to-do list for my business, not including Zoom meetings and phone calls, and most days I manage to complete three or four. But when I don't complete ANY, I feel terrible. It's not because I didn't get anything done. It's usually because I allowed other people or distractions to trample on my time. I allowed client calls to run over their allotted time, taking away time for me to work quietly. Or I ate my lunch in the kitchen reading the paper, and took twice as long as I needed to because it was easier to get lost in reading than to go back to work. So my commitment in this area is to protect my boundaries and my priorities. And when I do that, even a little bit, I have a pretty good day.

The last measurement I can think of has to do with family, kids, partner, and friends. Previously I had specific goals, or they had specific goals, and I could measure if we were meeting them. The kids need to have As and Bs in school, for example. Well, things are crazy and sometimes I can't even tell what assignments are due, so an F will pop up for a day or two, more as a friendly reminder that an assignment was missed than anything else. It's a good way to get the parent's attention. I'm no longer freaking out about these Fs.

I need a new way to measure a good day on the question of my loved ones thriving.

So I go back to my question:

What am I committed to?

Well, I'm committed to my loved ones thriving.

OK, what does that look like, and when am I having a good day, in regards to that?

Well, if the kids aren't crying and depressed, that's a good start. If they have a handle on what needs to be completed, and they are working their plan to complete it, that feels good to both of us. If we spend time together just being humans together, that feels good. If they have a chance to have some fun, go outside, walk to the park, FaceTime with grandma and grandpa, or play video games on a server with other friends, that's good.

Yesterday Nora said she was feeling mentally low. She had most of her work done for the week, and nothing was overdue. I told her to take the day off from schoolwork and relax.

Michael had to be roused from bed at 11 a.m. today, and I asked him to come in and bring his school planner and plop down on my bed. We looked at his big, giant, hairy social studies project. We looked at all of the requirements, and how many days were left, and we worked together to figure out what needed to be done each day. I checked on him a few times. I got the impression he was not working fast enough, and was probably watching YouTube and chatting with friends and switching back to his schoolwork when I came in the room.

Still I felt like it was a good day with him because he faced his project head-on and took responsibility for understanding what was left to be done. He asked questions. He was committed to completing it. And that sounds like thriving to me. Even if it's not an A.

I'm going to keep trying this technique when I get thrown off.

I can't go to Chicago with my life partner and have a fancy dinner together and walk around my old campus at Northwestern. But I am committed to spending quality time together, learning more about each other, and lifting each other up. So it will be a good day if we do that this weekend eating takeout or sitting around the fire ring in the backyard.

Here's to a good day, even if it's not the day you were planning.

Today's photo is of some of the last spring tree blossoms on the bike path. Soon it will all be green.

Previous Positive Posts: https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/alicefoeller/detail/recent-activity/posts/