Positive Parenting: Guiding, not Controlling
Our children, as they develop their own perception of the world, are striving for more autonomy.
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Many parents desire to exert some degree of control over their children. In most cases, the attempts, sooner or later, prove futile which leads to parental frustration and offspring resentment. The earlier parents realise and accept that children do not belong to an area which they can easily control, the better the prospect for forming a healthy and constructive relationship which gives parents a scope for guidance. To facilitate that, parents should make every effort to keep communication channels open and ensure that children feel comfortable to discuss their life challenges and decisions without fear of judgement or disapproval. If this dialogue breaks down and the distance widens, estrangement may follow. Parents should keep in mind that it's their decision whether they want to know the truth or hear what they want to hear. The cornerstone of this relationship is mutual understanding and flexibility.
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Our children’s mindset determines their attitude and behaviour. We can guide them positively by leading by example and being a good role model or by presenting them with convincing concepts and ideas. Instead of allowing our children to make random choices, parents should teach their children how to make decisions, explain the rationale behind their thought process, compare pros and cons and analyse potential consequences. Initially, parents should allow their children to test this process and practice these skills on issues which won't produce grave consequences, and step in if a mistake would be hugely detrimental. Giving children space and autonomy in managing their affairs will make them more receptive to parental concerns or criticism. Letting them practice accountability for their choices will allow them to learn from their mistakes. If things do not unfold as expected, this will present an opportunity to teach them to reflect and think of how to improve. If we make decisions for them, we will deprive them of learning opportunities.
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When young, our children rely on us to tell them about the world. This is the time when they absorb our values and belief systems. As they mature and their personalities emerge, education, knowledge accumulation and life experiences gradually shape their own outlook and potentially prompt them to question ours. We must accept and respect these differences.
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Many parents aspire to help their children lead successful lives, and, as a result, apply their dreams to plan their children’s paths without factoring in their children’s interests and talents. It is essential to remember that children are individuals with their personalities and goals and attempts to steer them towards a path they don’t like is not respecting who they are. Ultimately, it they yield to parental pressure, they may end up betraying themselves, leading to unhappiness and regret.
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To me, parenting is a lifelong coaching journey, which adds an extra perspective to my learning to be a coach. Indeed, as parents we raise our children, nurture them, teach them to admire and accept themselves, and see their own worth. We help them to identify their strengths and weaknesses and encourage them to be confident in who they are and achieve their dreams.
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While some children are obedient and cooperative, some are more determined to follow their ways. When I found parenting is not straightforward, I read books which helped me broaden my knowledge and expand my horizons. With my willingness to listen to my children, I gradually learned to understand them better and empathise with their situations and considerations.
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One of essential skills that we can help our children foster and practice is confidence. We can do it by giving them reassurance and encouragement. We should encourage them to embrace challenges, celebrate their success, and support them to persevere and overcome obstacles. As they grow, we can gradually step back and give advice and assistance whenever they ask for it. Being a caring mum, letting go is never an easy process for me, although I understand this is something I must go through. I hope everyone can learn to love their children not by controlling them but letting them flourish in their own chosen way.
正向教養：引導而不是控制
我們的孩子，隨著他們的成長和對世界的認知不斷增強，正在努力爭取更多的自主權。
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許多父母希望對孩子施加一定程度的控制。在大多數情況下，這些嘗試遲早會被證明是徒勞無功的，這會導致父母的沮喪和後代的怨恨。父母越早意識到並接受孩子不屬於他們可以輕易控制的範圍，就越有可能形成一個健康和有建設性的關係，從而為父母提供指導的空間。 為了促進這一點，父母應盡一切努力保持開放的溝通管道，並確保孩子們能夠輕鬆地討論他們的生活挑戰和決定，而不必擔心受到評判或反對。如果這種對話破裂並且距離擴大，疏遠可能會隨之而來。父母應該記著，想了解真相還是想聽自己想聽的話，是他們的決定。這種關係的基石是相互理解和靈活性。
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我們孩子的心態決定了他們的態度和行為。我們可以透過以身作則、成為良好的榜樣或向他們訴說令人信服的概念和想法來積極引導他們。父母不應該讓孩子隨意做出選擇，而應該教導孩子如何做決定，解釋他們的思考過程背後的原理，比較利弊並分析潛在的後果。最初，父母應該讓孩子測試這個過程，並在不會產生嚴重後果的問題上，讓他們練習這些技能，如果錯誤會造成巨大的傷害，就應該介入。給予孩子管理事務的空間和自主權將使他們更容易接受父母的擔憂或批評。讓他們對自己的選擇承擔責任將使他們能夠從錯誤中學習。如果事情沒有如預期發展，這將提供一個機會，教導他們反思並思考如何改進。如果我們替他們做決定，我們便會剝奪他們學習的機會。
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年幼時，我們的孩子依靠我們告訴他們這個世界。這是他們吸收我們的價值觀和信念系統的時候。隨著他們的成熟和個性的顯現，教育、知識累積和生活經驗逐漸塑造他們自己的觀點，並可能促使他們質疑我們的想法。我們必須接受並尊重這些差異。
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許多父母渴望幫助孩子過成功的生活，因此，應用他們自己的夢想來規劃孩子的道路，而不考慮孩子的興趣和才能。重要的是要記住，孩子是有個性和有自己目標的個體，試圖引導他們走向他們不喜歡的道路並不是尊重他們。最終，如果他們屈服於父母的壓力，他們可能會背叛自己，導致不快樂和後悔。
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對我來說，養育孩子是終生的教練之旅，這也為我學習成為教練增加了另外一個視角。事實上，身為父母，我們養育孩子，培養他們，教導他們欣賞和接受自己，並看到自己的價值。我們幫助他們辨識自己的優勢和劣勢，鼓勵他們對自己有信心並實現自己的夢想。
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有些孩子很聽話、合作，但有些孩子則更堅定地遵循他們自己的方式。當我發現養育孩子並不簡單時，我便去看書，這些書幫助我擴闊了知識，拓展了視野。隨著我願意傾聽孩子們的心聲，我逐漸學會了更好地明白他們並理解他們的處境和考慮。
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我們可以幫助孩子培養和練習的基本技能就是信心。我們可以透過給予他們肯定和鼓勵來做到這一點。我們應該鼓勵他們接受挑戰，慶祝他們的成功，並在出現問題時堅持並克服。隨著他們的成長，我們可以逐漸退後一步，在他們提出要求時提供建議和幫助。身為一個關愛的媽媽，放手對我來說並不會是一個容易的過程，儘管我知道這是我必須經歷的事情。我希望每個人都能學會愛自己的孩子，不是控制他們，而是讓他們以自己選擇的方式成長。
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