Positive parenting during home working

Between March and June 2020, my partner and I home worked and home schooled our 6 year old daughter in a 70 metre apartment with extremely restricted outside access and movement. My family and I are based in Zaragoza, Spain. I can safely say it was one of the most stressful 4 months of my life. But, we survived! Sure, it wasn’t pretty at times (horrendous, to be honest) but we got through it and have lived to tell the tale.

After that intense experience, and with the benefits of hindsight, my practical tips can be found below. For many parents reading this, this is not a new experience. So rely on your previous learnings, in particular the successes and things you enjoyed, to support yourself and your family if you find yourself in the position again.

So, first, some advice on your overall attitude and approach to the situation:

Accept it will be difficult at times - yes it will be chaotic at times and some days will literally go down the toilet. Try and accept that. A mantra or sentence like “I will get through this difficult situation, moment to moment” (or make your own, using your own words!) and read it first thing in the morning to set the tone and intention for your day.

Negative feelings and reactions - frustration, confusion, guilt, worry, anger….. I am sure you can add to the list!? It is likely to happen. Knowing that and spending some time contemplating that those feelings may arise and you have a choice to react to them.

Practical suggestions:

1. Planning together - as a family - at the start of the day have a discussion about your plan for the day, to try to establish a routine for work and life for each the day. Ensure you highlight clearly any important commitments. Explain this to your children and if they are old enough, show them your plan (graphically with colours works extra good here for them!) You could use a whiteboard too in your communal area, to highlight/list key daily activities and pop on reminders. As time goes on this planning will feed into a positive routine.

This quote is a pertinent reminder:

“If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!” Benjamin Franklin

2. Ensure family leisure time everyday - ensure you have quality time like mealtimes, exercise, walks etc. outlined in your family routine and that you stick to them. Related to 1. try and find some rhythm for these activities, doing simple and regular things together are recommended e.g. everyone brushing their teeth together, having a meal together and/or exercising together. Try to make activities fun :) Like putting on your favourite dancing music together and doing some sweeping, polishing or cleaning. It works!

3. Activity reward box - We prepared a reward box for our daughter with some of her small favourite activities. Examples for a 6 year old included - a page from her favourite colouring page, a puzzle page from an activity book, listening to a story CD etc. You can add some extra fun and reward to this by wrapping a small gift or treat in some plain wrapping paper for your child to open. Keeps these items aside and add them to the box when you need to boost your child’s motivation for a particular task or piece of homework!

4. Time together treasures lucky dip - your child (and often your partner too!) needs quality time with you. Discuss what you could do together in short bursts e.g. have dance to a song, read a chapter of a book, colour a picture, practice an instrument, do a jigsaw etc. (example image below) Create a simple list and then transfer the list onto small pieces of paper, pop in a box or a bag. At the end of the day or during a break with your child or children, ask them to select (take turns too!) and then you can spend quality time with a set activity, keeping structure for you both.

5. Discuss and celebrate the positives - there are and will be positives from the experience. We often forget to acknowledge them, so when planning ask what has worked or had been enjoyed in particular. Incorporate it into your activities again! Plan it but also celebrate it.

6. Mind your own self-care - as a busy parent, we often forget about yourself and focus on our family - especially when they are constant company in the same space! >> Read more about enhancing your self-care here

7. Make self-care a family activity - why not make self-care things you do together (related to 4. above). Illustrated below. Download the self-care family planner here >>