Positive Mondays 51: Here's how you can have 24 'Sundays' in a day!

This week we explore how we can use Positive Identities, Constructive Distraction and other techniques in our lives.

Ever since I started writing the column Positive Mondays, I have been thinking about this concept of a weekday and the weekend. I am part of a group called Marketing Buzzars, and Prathap, who runs an advertising agency, from the group reminded me that we seem to have compartmentalised each day of the week, in a spectrum of colours and beliefs. Bright yellow in the weekend, Sundayevening blues and the shades of grey on Monday mornings. 

As the week progresses, the shades turn a bit more optimistic, till we reach the casually dressed up magical Friday. 

Why is Friday simply glorious and Monday a tyranny? It's simple. From Monday onwards, you are not the master of your time. But from Friday evening, you are your own Lord and Master. 

Let me rewind back a few months, when I asked you to do a small exercise. Let's repeat that exercise, with a twist. 

Events which give us happiness do not take time, cost nothing and have no correlation with the time of the day or for that matter, the day of the week. On weekends, it is about being able to live your true identity. That is what makes weekends joyous, the ability to live as per your own identity. 

The key therefore, for weekdays is to build a Positive Work Identity. What matters is what you do from moment to moment, and if what you do is congruous to your identity, then every hour holds within itself a possibility of a Sunday or the excitement of a Friday evening. In effect, there are 24 Sundays in a day. 

What is a Positive Work Identity? 

Psychologists Jane Dutton, Laura Morgan Roberts and Jeffrey Bednar have developed a model called G.I.V.E to explain Positive Work Identities. 

The question you ask yourself every hour of the day is, are you - 

Growing: I am becoming more like my desired self by evolving and adapting in positive ways at work. 

Integrated: The different parts of my identity, such as work roles, demographic characteristics, family status and relationships, educational background, hobbies and interests, domains of expertise, organisational membership, and departmental affiliations are connected in compatible or enriching ways. 

Virtuous: I possess virtuous qualities such as courage, wisdom, integrity, humility, and compassion, and I display these virtues at work. 

Esteemed: I am worthy of positive regard; I feel positively about my defining characteristics and group affiliations, and I feel others understand and appreciate my authentic self at work.

The authors state that people who construct more positive identities are also better able to cope with threats to their identities, such as being criticised harshly or demeaned at work. 

So what prevents us from enjoying 24 'Sundays' in a day? 

We are now in the business of 'busyness'. We think that being busy is cool. Managers give us awards for time spent on phone calls; basically if you can prove that you spent all your time working and looking awfully busy, you were perceived to be hardworking. The problem is that the super smart cookies that work for us have figured this out. 

Let's face it, I have never ever denied vacation leave to anyone. I happily accept M&Ms and Mysorepak bribes in return. 

If someone were sick, I would tell the person to not come to work. Maybe that is because I have never ever been denied leave. When I wanted to go on leave, I had bosses who would email me a list of restaurants where I would get the best coffee or pasta or rasam. 

I had a colleague, who was as notorious for not eating lunch as he was for a super short temper. I always wondered if there was a co-relation. 

Some of us think we are good at multitasking, while every single piece of research and your experience proves otherwise. Forget adults, even children have been over-scheduled today. Swimming classes, birthday parties, social media, whatsapp, homework, on-line games, complicated craft projects and dance steps. Recently, a client showed me a video of his four-year-old making a power point presentation in class. 

In short, we feel guilty and deny ourselves the opportunity to celebrate 24 'Sundays' in a day. 

Can we bring in 24 Sunday-like moments in our everyday lives, enriching our lives and the lives of everyone around us? It's all about building routines. Think about what are the small moments; they maybe activities or actions; ideas or habits that make you happy. What leaves you feeling fulfilled or brings meaning to your life? Think how can you make your day enjoyable. If you like music, can you download some music on your phone and listen to it while working or while commuting to work?  

7 am: Ease into your day 
I know you hit the snooze button a few times and are running late. Don’t curse yourself and put yourself in a further bind. The best routine to develop is the family breakfast, just like Sunday morning. 

Family meals: Why should only Sunday breakfast be special and unrushed? Have that breakfast with your loved ones. Just observing your breakfast will make it seem that you have the time. Go around the table and ask if they have something special planned for the day. 

Morning farewells: Don’t just scurry away. When you are leaving, say warm goodbyes to everyone at home. Maybe even hug your kids and loved ones. Wish them luck with their day’s special challenges. Remind them of their strengths that they can use. 

Get your day started by remembering something nice: If you have a few minutes, maybe start by revisiting a happy memory from your past. It could be college antics, games you played when you were with your cousins, a vacation, a particular wedding. I know you are addicted to whatsapp. 

Some people are driven by relationships. Think about a friend with whom you have lost touch. Make a decision to get in touch with her and surprise her. Pick up your phone and wish someone close, a good morning and relive that memory with them. If that does not work for you, recall a personal vacation that you took. 

For most of my clients, their families and kids hold the most meaning in life. They keep pictures and reminders of them at their work place. Maybe you want to make a collage every week for your office soft board? I always encourage my clients to refurbish their soft board every fortnight, if not every week. Just moving mementos and pictures refreshes your work-space. 

Some folks build confidence through their personal strengths. I often ask my clients, tell me about the biggest career win or the most successful career move that took place in their life. Think of a personal victory. Invariably, it would involve using the entire spectrum of strengths and values. It would always have been a tough challenge for them. Write down your personal strengths and stick them to your laptop. Maybe make it your screensaver. 

Some folks are driven by their goals and accomplishments. A CEO once told us that he keeps a small card with his 2020 goals taped to his wardrobe door. That gets his blood pumping. 

Maybe you can do the same. Take a sticky note and write down three of your huge accomplishment for the month. “I cleared all my credit card dues”. “I won the best sales person award”. 

So you see, you can already feel as good as you feel when it is Sunday. 

8 am: You are on your way to work. Construct the day at hand. 

Ease into “work mode”. Think about your day. Think about your people and what you want to change today. Maybe think about what you are going to learn today? 

Day construction: Consider what you will do today. Think about your mindset. How do you think you or your people can improve? Think about ways you will build relationships today. Think about how you will convey the tough message that you want to deliver. How are you going inspire your team? 
 
Now you get into peak traffic. But you are feeling good about yourself. The traffic, which was otherwise a pain, does not bother you, because you are ahead of your normal self. You have thought through the day. 

9 am: Email? No! Please! 
I love watching people enter office, the first thing they do is switch on their laptops and rush to check their email. Even though they checked the same email on their smartphone, every fifteen minutes, since they woke up. No monster that needs urgent slaying has been given birth in the last fifteen minutes. It is your brain; screaming alarms; telling you to do what you always do out of instinct and habit. 

If you still want to read your email, maybe send an email. 

But first, analyse your yesterday. Did anything interesting take place? Was there any learning? Was it all mundane and routine? Which parts were positivity boosters? When were you the most switched on? 

Start with self- kindness: Recount and write down three nice things that people said about you. Think about what you were doing when someone made that observation. How did it feel to be recognised by someone?

Counting your blessings: Think of two or three people who did something nice yesterday and send them a quick email or a whatsapp message. It could be something small. 

If you closed a sale, thank the client for her business. If you met someone interesting, who gave you some food for thought or wisdom or sincere feedback; send them a message and recognise their effort to help you grow.

It could be an email to a colleague who made a very valid point, remind her about the value of her contribution. It could be someone who took the trouble to make something nice at home, and bring it for you. Send her an email with genuine words of encouragement.

Now that you have started the day by spreading genuine cheer; this is the best time to think about what is the biggest challenge that you are facing. 

10 am: Dive into your biggest challenge. 
Your boss called you and assigned you a really tough project or assignment. Or maybe he just poured grief all over you. You are stressed. We face these situations on a daily basis and they are a part of everyone’s lives. But what makes Sundays so special? Sundays are full of lovely distractions. So let's learn from Sundays and try some of the following tricks. 

Here is a little Sunday trick to counterweigh the negativity.

Constructive distraction: Let's create those little constructive distractions. We love watching movies on Sundays. Why can't we watch small clips on weekdays? 

Invoking inspiration and awe: Maybe you want to plug in your headphones and just watch this four-minute video on nature and its awe, before you dive into solution mode. 

How did that feel? I get goosebumps every time I watch this video. It elevates me. It readies me to take on a challenge. Just like the Sunday movies. 

Keep a portfolio of Constructive Distraction tools readily accessible on your phone. Youtube clippings, some nice video forwards, or even some foot-tapping music. Anything that works for you should be within easy reach. 

10:30 am: Huddle time and free smiles. 
After your boss has given you grief, it is time for your morning huddle or the daily conference call. You want your team to think big and set themselves huge targets for the day. Your team needs to see a leader who is self assured and confident, ready to take on the world. 

Here is the kicker. 

Infectious smiles: Smiles work like a charm. Not the dull and fake plastic smile. A smile which, forms crowfeet near your eyes. Of course, why wait to spread those smiles. When you walk into your office, be the weirdo, and change the script. Bring forth those smiles. Smile at the security guard. Smile at the receptionist and greet them with a big sunny good morning. Remember to make proper eye contact. Maybe even smile and nod at two or three people who you do not know. Even better, if there are some new joinees, smile at them. 

Then dig into the challenge that you want to set for your team. Or take on the fight against a particularly bothersome new policy or go and argue the case for additional resources. Maybe you are getting into a tough conversation. Maybe you are entering into a negotiation with another function. Maybe your boss has called you to review a project that is potentially entering the red zone. 

I always find that the earlier in the day you take on bothersome and sticky situations, the more fresh and receptive people are to listen and corroborate. Maybe get together with a colleague and come up with a few solutions. Listen to their suggestions with eagerness and be non-judgmental. 

11 am: Banish the banal with a power lead.
Now you are going into that tough meeting. How you start your conversation will determine its outcome. 

Power lead and Power Labels: Think about what is good about you, the positive qualities that you have, and how you have impacted the life of others in your life. Shawn Achor calls it taking the Power Lead. If someone asks you how you are doing, don’t be a cold blanket. Be ready with a powerful opener. It is easy to be a damp squib, and maybe it feels like the right thing to do, which is wallow around. Maybe say, “I am having a great day because I woke up really early” or “I am having a great day because we just did a review and my team is charged up”. As people are assembling for the meeting, make a positive presence. 

Immodest and uncomfortable it may sound, but stop giving yourself damp labels. Go for those bold & beautiful labels. 

Marianne Willamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

This is a good time to also evaluate if you have managed to bring in a few SUNDAY SPECIALS into your life. Now is the time to bring out the Sunday Lunch, the highlight of any Sunday. 

12 noon -2 pm: Plan your lunch break 
Maybe while you are in the meeting, ask around if someone wants to join you for lunch. A simple question like; 'do you have plans for lunch', helps. 

Building connections: As a rule, I never ever eat alone. I love eating with my colleagues, while poking into their lunch boxes. Maybe walk across to some people in other functions and have a chat with them and invite them for lunch.

OR MAYBE NOT. Maybe today is the day, you want to be left alone. That is super. 

I NEED ME TIME: Go out and treat yourself to a nice lunch. Maybe you are short of money, no problem, find an ice-cream kiosk close by and treat yourself to a strawberry or chocolate ice-cream. Come on, you deserve it. 

Spend time with yourself:  Oh well, maybe you are watching your weight, no problem, go for a fifteen-minute walk. Winter is setting in most parts of the country. It’s a great time to feel the sun. Maybe head to a coffee shop or the next-door tea stall. 

Slow down and engage your senses: It is not the distance but the quality of your walk. Slow down and enjoy the walk. Say hello or make baby faces or wave at a toddler. Even in concrete jungles, office buildings are taking the trouble to introduce green patches and water bodies. Observe some flowers or plants and how well they are growing. Maybe there is some nice landscaping. Maybe a gardener is at work. Observe your surroundings with all your five senses.

Notice how you feel? You will find yourself calming down. Feel the smile coming back into your system. You will feel a little bit lighter than before. 

2 – 4  pm: Your boss has called for an urgent meeting (yes again) 
All hell is about to break loose. The funding for a project has been withdrawn or some new regulation threatens to derail your sales goals. A customer complaint has gone awry or a grave policy deviation has been detected. You are feeling lonely, betrayed and frustrated. 

Maybe now is the time to pick up your phone and speak to a loved one. It could be a parent or grandparent. It could be a favourite niece or just someone you have not spoken to. Just a couple of minutes of constructive distraction is what you need. You can even watch a video of your favourite artist. 

Attacking your challenges with others: 
Now maybe get your team or some trusted colleagues together to work on the problem. Maybe someone has already faced this problem before. Maybe someone can spark some idea. Working the problem with people you can trust is what makes it fun. Are you not glad that you went out of your comfort zone to befriend them over coffee and lunch breaks? 

Viewing stress as positive: 
Scientists are discovering that the stimulus of stress per se is not harmful, but it is the interpretation of the stress that does the damage. 

If you can see the challenge as what it is, a challenge, and not a personal affront or a judgement of your personal failure. 

With these three techniques, the clouds that were threatening to rain give way to a sunnier evening. 

4-5 pm: Now your day is drawing to a close. It is time to reflect on how you have grown in the day. Have you developed your identity? 

Use the GIVE Model. 
Did you get an opportunity to GROW and did you grab it? 
Did you get a chance to INTEGRATE some of the aspects of your identity? 
Did you deploy some of your VIRTUOUS cores? 
Did you build a little bit on your own positive ESTEEM?

If you did not, that is perfectly fine. But, don’t kill yourself. 

Your candid admission in itself demonstrates that you are willing to GROW. It demonstrates your VIRTUE of courage, integrity and wisdom. Your ability to face failure and move on is also clear sign that you are building your ESTEEM. 

5-6 pm: Surprise yourself 

SAYING BYE: Don’t just skulk away or walk away in a huff. Say a cheerful bye to everyone. As you sign out at the door, once again smile at the security staff, and ask the receptionist if she had any interesting visitors? 

SAY YES: As you progress through the week, surprise yourself and surprise others around you. 

If some friends are going dancing, join them. If some office folks are meeting at a coffee shop or a bar, spend 20 minutes with them. Maybe volunteer for a social cause at work. Maybe stop by a temple or church. Maybe help someone while commuting. Surprise yourself. 

6-8 pm: When you reach home, make every day a big homecoming event. Your family is waiting for their lovely parent or partner; sibling or roomie so make it a great homecoming. 

I know it is tough and you just want to plump down on the couch and watch TV. But here is a penultimate SUNDAY TRICK, and it is called CAPITALISING. 

Mind you, if you are grouchy about your work; you are laying the seeds of work and life being two dichotomous entities in their heads. If you hate work and love play and your mindset is that work and life are two different aspects of life; they might pick up the same mindset from you. 

How do you CAPITALISE? Once again, relive the breakfast conversation at the dinner table. Ask around, “What was the best thing that happened to you?”. If your kids ask you the same question, craft your reply carefully. Tell them what you learned. Show your enthusiasm about work. Your kids are smarter than you think. They will pick up the vibes from you. From vibes, they pick up on something that will stick to them for life; values and identity. 

Date Nights: If you socialise with office folks or customers a lot, plan a date night during a weekday. I know what you are about to say, “it is just too tiring”. Remember when you were courting your partner or were being courted, it did not matter if it was a weekend. Bring back some of that spark.  

8-10 pm: Time to make a difference on tomorrow. 

Reflection: Reflect on your day
Did you make those small SUNDAY-like personal connections today? 
Did you have fun today? 
Are you looking after yourself? Have you planned the dentist visit, for example? 

Small preparations for tomorrow morning: 
Decide what you are going to wear. Check if your clothes are ironed, if they fit well and the buttons are intact. Decide which shoes and tie go well and make sure they are ready-to-wear. Keep your office bag ready. Boring as it may sound, I have found that this small activity adds a lot of time and remove a lot of heartburn in the morning. 

Declutter “tomorrow morning” in your head: 
Somehow, we think overnight we will become Superman. We will wake up very early, we will exercise, we will read the newspaper, we will read our email, we will surf the web, check out Facebook updates,  we will prepare and have a very healthy breakfast, we will dress well, we will be well groomed, we will drop our kids off, we will prepare a healthy lunch for our families. Everything will be just perfect. Dream on. 

It is just not practical to pack all this in a couple of hours and the infamous snooze button has a way of disrupting our plans. When we eventually wake up, and we are running late, we start the morning on a failure. So be realistic about what you can achieve and plan accordingly. A little planning and a little realism will help. 

2016 is nearly here. We have seventeen days to think of a New Years resolution, and I hope that your resolution is to believe that every new day presents life as a string of 20000 moments. If we live them with unbridled fun and engagement and bring meaning and purpose, we will have 24 'Sundays' every day. 

The author is the Founder of The Positivity Company. He is going to try very hard himself to celebrate 24 Sundays every day