Positive Discipline: Parenting with love and respect

Every time I meet with my friends, talking about our children is inevitable. We get together not only because we enjoy our company but also, I believe, because its almost as good as therapy! We all share our kids' accomplishments, we talk about how happy we are with them, and how our lives are so much complete with them around. We also talk about the "not so good" parts. The stress, the lack of "me time", the fights, tantrums, the mess, the misbehaviors and so on. Its not easy to be a parent, we all agree on that. Times have changed too much, and now it is even harder to be a parent, than it was before (or so we believe). The most wanted "Good Parent’s Manual" never existed. Parenting was something you learned from your parents, grandparents, relatives or friends. However, nowadays what used to work for our parents, does not work anymore. The most common "because I say so" or that tiny little pinch on the arm, are not that effective anymore. This new generation of kids have a different "chip". So now, we find ourselves looking for different alternatives, what worked for our parents in terms of parenting, is not working for us anymore, or maybe we just want to do something different. It all depends on each parent and every child, and each family adopts the parenting method that best suits their beliefs and values. We all do the best we can with the resources we have!

When it comes to discipline our children, we always have our best intentions. Unfortunately, we do not always get the best results. It happened to me (too many times!). When my first daughter was born I got involved in situations where at the end, even though I was the adult in the relationship, I ended up acting worse than my daughter did in the first place. Until one day, I had enough of my own reactions. I realized what I was doing was not working, so I had to do something different. I understood that it was okay to seek for help, to look for different ways of parenting, and that is how NLP (NeuroLinguistic Programming) and positive discipline came into my life and my home.

 What is positive discipline?

Positive discipline is based on the premise that children and adults behave better when they feel better. It considers the importance of treating all people with dignity and respect (including children). It helps adults understand children's inappropriate behavior by promoting positive attitudes towards them.

"The key to positive discipline is not punishment, but mutual respect. Teach parents to be firm and kind at the same time, so any child, from a small three-year-old to a rebellious teenager, can learn creative cooperation and self-discipline, without loss of dignity. " (Jane Nelsen, Possitive Discipline)

The criteria for a positive discipline:

? Helps children feel a sense of connection, belonging and meaning.

? It is kind and firm at the same time. (Respectful and encouraging)

? It is effective in the long term.

? Teaches valuable social and life skills for good character, fostering respect, concern for others, problem solving, and cooperation.

? Invites children to discover how capable they are, and how to use their power constructively.

When using positive discipline at home, you understand that most "bad behaviors" you see in your child, are actually solutions to a different problem (a feeling of disconnection), and once you understand the problem, you can help your child find more effective and useful solutions.

Positive discipline reminds us that children deserve the same respect adults do. One question I would always ask on my parenting coaching sessions is, before reacting to something your kids have done, how would you react (say or do) if the other person was a coworker? Would you be yelling at him in the same way you are yelling to your child? Would you pinch him in the arm or spank him when he says something inappropriate at a meeting? Of course not!! you will never punish (physically or verbally) an adult for his misbehavior. Then, why would you do it to the person you love the most? Why would you do it to someone who is just learning about life, so little and fragile?

If what you have tried so far when parenting your children does not work, positive discipline is the most respectful option and will bring the most long-term benefits for you and your children.

Have a great week. Until next time! 

Be well and enjoy your kids,

Carolina