Poor Leadership Series: (3 of 6) Extreme Ownership

“It’s not my fault” are some of the most dangerous words a person can string together. How often does that happen in the work center?

• “Blaming” someone else for a task not being done.
• Using someone as a “scapegoat” because they aren’t around to defend themselves.
• “Passing the Buck” because you know someone isn’t a subject matter expert, and you know they cannot eloquently defend themselves.

No matter the term you put to blaming others, and it comes down to a lack of taking responsibility for one’s actions (or inactions). Call it whatever you want; however, far too many times, we watch one leader after another find some convenient reason not to accept blame for their behaviors. When it looks like a project will fail, they will highlight what others did not do, and forget to highlight that they were in charge of the project. Yet it is quite interesting when a distinguished visitor arrives, or the individual find out that the process is successful, they somehow find the time to appear and want to be the face of the initiative.

Extreme Ownership by taking accountability for everything that happens under their direction. Extreme Ownership calls for leaders to take full responsibility for their failures. This is one of the hardest aspects of leadership. It is tough enough admitting your mistakes as an individual, but it is even harder when you have been charged with leading a whole team of people and have to own up to leading them astray or failing them in some way. Nonetheless, this is absolutely necessary to learn, grow, and succeed.?

If you deny or try to shift the blame for a failure, you cannot learn or grow from it.?Taking responsibility allows leaders to unflinchingly and objectively analyze a team’s problems and challenges; this process is critical to succeeding in the long run and continually improving.?

This is even harder when you have to admit your mistakes or your team’s shortcomings to senior leadership. It may feel like professional suicide to call attention to your mistakes, but most likely your bosses are already aware of the lacking performance and will be impressed if you can own it and commit to improving it.?

You have to accept responsibility, or you damage the credibility of others in your organization. To me, accepting responsibility for the mistakes or failings of someone else is one of the most significant challenges a leader must face. It’s not easy to stand before an angry boss and be chewed out for something someone else did.?

It is easier, however, when you stop trying to assign blame for a problem and start looking for solutions to the problem. No matter whose “fault” it is, you, as a leader, are responsible. Trying to offload fault for it makes you look less like a leader and more like someone who wants the money and title but not the responsibility that comes with the position.?

When you are a leader, and something goes wrong, you definitely cannot say, “It’s not my fault.” Blaming your people for mistakes or problems will damage your credibility with everyone, not only the person you blame.

The truth is, if you have a mistake-prone person or someone underperforming in their role, it is your responsibility as a leader. Either you are not providing the person with the training and tools they need to succeed, or you have put them in a role where they cannot excel. Both those circumstances are your responsibility.?

Let’s face it, there are some leaders who refuse to take responsibility for failure.

In a?2018 Monster poll, after polling 957 people who were openly seeking new jobs last month, more than one-quarter described their bad bosses as “power-hungry” people looking out only for themselves and blaming others for failures.

A 2022 poll conducted by?Bonusly?showed that one in three employees say they would willingly give up a week’s worth of pay for more recognition from their employer.

However, we are all not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. A 2015?study?found that humans are naturally wired to blame others or circumstances when things go wrong.?

Think about it:

• Pandora and her infamous box, which supposedly released all manner of evil on the world, was blamed by Zeus, who, by the way, had her created as the first human female in the first place.
• Adam blamed Eve for eating the fruit that forever banned them from the Garden of Eden.
• Yoko Ono was blamed for “making” John Lennon break up the Beatles.
• Bill Buckner was personally blamed for the Boston Red Sox losing the 1986 World Series after that infamous ball rolled between his legs at first base.
• Catherine O’Leary and her cow were wrongly blamed for starting the Great Chicago Fire in 1871.
• The entire city of Atlanta blamed Matt Ryan in 2017 for blowing the worst lead in a Super Bowl game (the Falcon defense had nothing to do with it).

So why is it that leaders so often lay blame rather than accept responsibility?

The late Don Shula, coach of the undefeated 1970 Miami Dolphins, famously noted, “The superior man blames himself. The inferior man blames others.” So does that suggest all blamers are inferior?

It may simply mean that?"Blamers" are Fearful Leaders.

• Blamers?will never hide behind the glory and the accolades of success. They have to be seen.
• Blamers will?always?hide their role in failures. Taking responsibility for one’s own decisions and actions and learning and growing from mistakes is something that Blamers will not understand.

The Authentic leader?readily?accepts the blame. They only point the finger one way: Toward themselves.

1. Blamers are mistrusted leaders.

Blame does not inspire individuals. However, it certainly breeds mistrust, unhappiness, and discord. It reduces honesty, transparency, and authenticity. So, can we all agree that trust is a foundational cornerstone of all relationships: personal and professional?

Good.

Then blame can only be viewed as trust-busting, corrosive, and toxic within any organization.

2. Blamers are low (empty?) on Emotional Intelligence (EQ).

Emotional Intelligence is based on a "personality tank" filled with empathy. High EQ leaders understand and can absorb and reflect the feelings of their employees and peers. The blamer only sees situations from his point of view, not others’.

Emotional Intelligence is about caring for the people around you. My new favorite leader of mine is Bob Chapman, CEO of Barry-Wehmiller. Chapman has become the worldwide champion of a new approach to leadership. Chapman's approach to leadership is where the leader values each person as someone’s “precious child.” Chapman believes that individualized esteeming behavior creates internal successes from extremely high employee morale, off-the-charts creativity, risk-taking, and overall business performance.

Chapman says, “When we say our people matter, but we do not care for them, it can shatter trust and create a culture of paranoia, cynicism, and self-interest.” Conversely, Chapman found that his company’s success is measured by how they touch the lives of their people. “We build great people who do extraordinary things.”

Theodore Roosevelt famously noted, “If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”

C.S. Lewis was even more direct, “Hell begins with a grumbling mood, always complaining, always blaming others.”

I know we wish a magic pill could be prescribed for this, but you will not find it in a CVS or Walgreens. So the only thing we can ask individuals in leadership positions is:

• Showcase your employees when they accomplish something.
• Take all of the blame when something goes wrong.
• Realize that mistakes and create learning opportunities and grow from them.
• Forge corrective action plans when employees make errors rather than the quick fix of punitive actions. You are there to protect them, not destroy them.
• Care enough to see each employee as someone of value whose contributions could make you far more successful.
• Do the more complex emotional work of intentionally loving others.
• Value each person as though they were your child.
• Force yourself to exchange blame for accountability.

If you dare to call yourself a leader, you must accept the tremendous responsibility that comes with it. One of the primary responsibilities of leadership is ensuring the success of the people you lead.?

In any walk of life, the most successful people care less about assigning blame for a fault. Instead, they care more about finding solutions to any problems caused by the fault.?

“It’s, not, my, and fault” are destructive words. They limit the potential of the person speaking to them. Those words cause the person speaking them to accept their circumstances and avoid potential growth opportunities. When strung together, those words have never been known to solve anything.

When anyone says, “It’s not my fault,” someone loses. All too often, the person who says it loses the most. Remove that combination of words from your vocabulary, and your entire outlook will improve for the better.