Pondering the Quirks of the Self

I get a lot of questions about #Neurodiversity. I don’t claim to be an expert in the topic, but I am an expert in my experience of being neurodivergent and that has been helpful for many people. Maybe some of the following is useful for you as we head towards the end of #NeurodiversityCelebrationWeek.

Some people tell me I’m too calm to have #ADHD, yet I’m closing in on 5 decades of being an expert at masking and suppressing urges, and placating my need for stimulation in ways most don’t notice. Most importantly, I’m the only one in my head – only I experience the constant noise, the firing of ideas at warp speed, the noticing of every sound, movement, flicker, change or difference. This means my distractibility is mine and mine alone. Yes, it spills over but what others see is a pittance of what goes on within my head/heart space.

Lots of people tell me I can’t be “all that #Dyslexic” because I’ve written books, journals, articles, etc. Again, nobody sees the work I have to put out just to ‘put something out’. Writing this article is torture right now and that squiggly red line covers more of the page than is blank, but that’s just part of the process. Tidying up and rework are my M.O.

Weirdly, some people also tell me I can’t have #Dyscalculia …. Mainly because most don’t have a clue what it is and there’s a myth that Dyslexics are dyslexic and Dyscalculics are dyscalculic and never the twain shall meet. Rubbish. ?Most people don’t see my avoidance of numbers, how I get lost using ATMs and EFTPOS, how I can’t read phone numbers or ever get bank account numbers correct. How I don’t know any of my times tables, can’t count in multiples and can’t really tell the difference between 100s, 1000s, 10,000s (f**king zeros!!). Or how I can’t find numbers when I need to read them on a receipt, a calendar, a spreadsheet or even a clock.

In short, I get told I'm not really #Neurodivergent because I'm not broken enough. Haha, got the T-shirt, the certificate and the trauma to boot. All of which makes me successful at what I've chosen to do.

I’m actually bloody good at what I do and I’m also a bloody good human. I don’t think that’s arrogance, its fact. I’m really good at living as a person in a world not designed with my mind in mind. I don’t have a choice – I’m stuck with me, stuck in this world, but I choose not to be ‘stuck’ …. which I was for decades.

My secret: I’ve done and continue to do ‘the work’.

What is this ‘work’?

To Know Thy Self

(cue sighs??, elevated cheese levels?? and sick emojis ?? .... but hear me out)

"Know thyself" is an Ancient Greek aphorism that means "know thy measure". According to the Greek writer Pausanias, it was the first of three?Delphic?maxims inscribed in the forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi. The two maxims* that follow "know thyself" were "nothing to excess" and "certainty brings ruin" (thanks Wikipedia!).

*note: these other two maxims are important in successfully knowing thy self – ‘nothing to excess’ is brutally hard for an ADHDer when our lives are built upon cravings and shortcuts. Conversely, ‘certainty brings ruin’ is a safety net given in my world, nothing is certain and I’m never totally sure of anything. In fact, the beauty of my world is the constant state of flux, fluidity and change yet I rely on a core set of rituals to set up my day. See below.

What does this wisdom of ‘Know Thy Self’ look like for me?

1.)????I trial and choose what works for me until it doesn’t. I use medication that helps in lots of ways and hinders a few things that I like to do. So, I’m selective in when I use medication depending on the demands of the day and week. I often use weekends as a ‘drug holiday’ (not a blazing 48hrs in Ibiza, but a chance to just ‘be’). The stimulant I'm currently using doesn't require an accumulative 'load' and is out of my system daily. With a mix of fast and slow release doses I can manage pretty well. Thanks science ...... cue the haters poised to pounce for listing medication first ??.

2.)????I supplement the effect of medication with rituals that have a similar but far less sustained effect such as cold showers/exposure to temperature changes, yoga, long runs in the hills, hard sessions on the bike. These on their own or medication alone don't work for me - it's a mix .... and a mix that changes with the seasons too.

3.)????Yes, I’m fit but that’s essential to being human; not just hacking my ADHD and providing clarity to not get overwhelmed by my dyslexia. Get fit, stay fit, try getting fitter. You can't be too fit.

4.)????I also use productivity tools and Apps …….. until they’re not useful, which is most often. Most of these apps are based on being ‘productive’ and still try to squeeze me into a pattern of ‘doing’ that isn’t how I am ever naturally ‘being’. I reckon this is flawed and makes us NDs feel even more useless. Repetition helps neurotypicals to build habits; not for all Neurodivergents (but definitely some). I use a mix of digital and analogue. Anything I have to scroll on is out. Anything not immediately on screen or if I have to open a folder to find an app or a note is wasted. I simply don't remember I have apps ..... but an app to remind me about my apps would be useful! Yes, I know they're called 'alerts' and 'notifications' but, just like simply 'seeing' an email in my inbox means I think I've replied to it, seeing a notification means "job done Callum. Great work!". Not useful. A post-it note on the floor on the way to doing something else is so simple, yet incredible useful for me. 3M should get into the carpet business, just saying.

5.)????That said, I start the day with rituals – I make coffee and breakfast the same way everyday. As soon as possible I get some sun on my face: eyes closed, feel the warmth and notice the change in colour of that yellow/orange/red under my eyelids. I’m solar-powered. Sun is life and life is great when I get some sun. I shower and get dressed in the same order. It’s habit, not an obsession, but when I miss a step I get a sense that my day has already been thrown off its axis (yes, I have other things going on but they’re not detrimental to me or you. Hang in there). When my mind is in constant chaos, I start the day with things I can control. Little things make me feel good in myself. This is the secret to a good day: Feel good within yourself; not just about yourself (I have a couple of activities in my Harnessing Different Thinking workshops that ask participants to share their weirdness …. Hilarious and freeing …. Nobody is immune to the clutches of a quirk – embrace yours, they’re gorgeous!!)

6.)????That said, I work to my body rhythms and cadence. Needing structure yet rebelling against rules has always been a stumbling block for me. I’ve been self-employed for close to 10yrs but I still have to fight the urge to work 8-5 to feel productive. Going with my rhythm means I do short bursts of work early in the day, mid-to-late morning, nothing work-related between 12-2, gear up again late afternoon and pop back into it in the late evening.

7.)????I’ve given up striving for the perfect sleep – what a load of nonsense. My sleep cycle is about 45-65mins. I wake up during the night often and do something. Time is wasted ‘trying’ to sleep. I’m a cat – I’ve tried polyphasic sleeping but that in itself requires a schedule. I just do what my body wants and needs. I thrive on about 6hrs total. 8hrs actually ruins me, less than 5 is also awful. So me striving for a mythical 8-9hrs is a recipe for misery and self-loathing. I don’t need that.

8.)????I like to JWA – Journal When Arsed. Journaling is useful but not essential. In fact, not much really is essential other than the basics for life. I’ve tried to build a habit of journaling and reflecting but the neurodiverse brain is in constant reflection mode. I don’t need to schedule that. Sometimes I simply can’t be arse journaling, so I don’t. Simple. Do useful things when they’re useful. Forgive yourself if you can’t be arsed – nobody’s tombstone every said: “Dedicated their life to Journaling” or if it did, that’s a bit sad. Waste of good stone space I say.

9.)????On that note, I don’t meditate. Well, not as it’s often prescribed. Sit still. Clear your mind. Just notice, don’t attach to a thought …. WTF?! That’s a path to self-hatredville. In fact, sometimes I think it should be called the practice of ‘Medit-hating’. Movement is my meditation – getting my heartrate up and playing with that is when I go deep within (which is why fitness is important - to be at a level when I get to make exercise hard, rather than exercising bing hard).

10.) Speaking of the mind, my mindset is endlessly positive about my #neurodifferences. Yes, I get tripped up on the things my kids take for granted, but my (a) mind and (b) life experiences of living with said mind means I can do some really cool shit! Those abilities, which I’m still uncovering, are far more important than my inabilities. I’m ADHD-positive; being that I have it and I love it. It’s more than just the production and processing of neuro-chemicals and hormones; it’s bio|psycho|social and even spiritual – my whole being is driven by ADHD. I’m simply not me without it. Likewise, my combo of Dys's makes me a quick and deep connector or people, places, concepts and experiences.

11.) And further on the topic of mindset, along with being ADHD+, I try to practice purposeful goodness and self-forgiveness. My intentions are always good; my execution sometimes doesn’t reach the intended level. So what? I tend to be harder on myself than others are on me. As long as this is the case, I reckon I’m staying grounded. Which leads to forgiveness. My #Neurdivergence is a reason but not an excuse. I’m an adult, a father, a partner and a professional – I have some commitments to deliver on, but I’m not meant to be perfect. I’ve never met anyone who is perfect all the time and when I think about it, I love the people who openly admit they’re not perfect, most. That’s connection.

12.) Lastly, as with going with my natural rhythms and cadence, I embrace the fidget!! I’m most attentive coaching when I’m drumming on a drum pad. I’m in the zone presenting while wandering on and off stage. I’m a better writer when I’m standing on a balance board at my standing desk, and I’m better at responding to questions in a panel discussion when I’m making figurines out of blutack! When sitting at my desk in an online meeting, I’m paying most attention when my feet can hang and jiggle. Not doing these things means I’m not paying attention to you. Instead, I’m paying attention to an urge to move. Most people don’t notice these things but I give myself permission to do whatever I need to so I can serve me to serve you.

So, I guess know thy self really means know what it means to embrace you and forgive yourself for what you might not yet be or don’t ever need to be. We’re all different. We live in an era that demands we all standout while also fit in. Yuck. That’s hard work. Life (and work) are not meant to be hard. Go easy on yourself …. Not just for a week as we celebrate difference and weirdness. Go easy for life …….. now there’s a great book title …….. but I can’t be arsed.

xx

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