Pondering Privilege

What does it mean to be privileged? How do you recognize your privilege?

Let me start by saying that I haven't fully reconciled my cognitive dissonance on this subject. I still tussle with recognizing my privilege and what it should mean in my life. There are times in life where I've felt incredibly privileged and other times where I've felt that everything is conspiring against me. I thought there must be something wrong with me for not being able to make up my mind, but as F. Scott Fitzgerald said:

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Alright, so let's unpack this together. What is privilege? Is it being born into a wealthy family? Going to an elite school? Growing up in a mansion? While those are obvious signs, privilege itself is not an absolute concept; its relative. There are also many different types of privilege and one person's privilege may be another's disadvantage.

Here's a handy explanation of privilege from Lean In :

I personally feel that I'm extremely privileged, but I didn't always feel this way. I spent most of my childhood suffering and in pain due to terrible eczema. The itching used to be so bad that I'd scratch myself with a knife and was constantly bleeding through various open wounds. The constant sleepless nights, being unable to stay awake in school, and the impact on my social life made me highly discontent with my lot in life. It really sucks to not be comfortable in your own skin.

So, what changed? My time in the US was a sort of re-birth. My eczema almost completely disappeared for 7 years, and I was in heaven. What did I do to deserve this? How was I so lucky? How did my privilege help to ease my suffering? I begun wondering what other people suffering the same afflictions have to deal with. There are many who can't afford the medications I had used for much of my life, many who can't leave their country to go to a cleaner & cooler climate. Maybe I've been privileged all along but just too blind to see it.

How else am I privileged? I looked back on my life and remembered my loving parents, Mike Ferns & Melanie Fernandes , who sacrificed for decades to give my bothers and I a good life. I remembered my elder brothers ( Brian Fernandes , Sherwin Fernandes , & Mark Fernandes, MBA ) who took care of me through so many struggles and even paid for my college education. I remembered my supportive extended family ( Wilbur D'Costa , Mathew DCosta , Stanley Rodrigues , Shweta Parida , Eddie Rodrigues, MBA, CMRP , Pascal Rodrigues , Pamela Bona , and others) who helped me find my path in life. I remembered my friends ( Ross Verret , Chiaet Leslie , Loy Pinheiro , Sharwari Bhope , Arunima Sharma , Aadhar Malhotra , and many others) who've reached out a helping hand when I've been at my lowest. Most of all, I remembered my wife, Jasmine Fernandes , who has been my rock through 8 years of constant challenges in life. Special thanks to Jasmine's family who are as much my family now ( Pearl Bilimoria ).

I came to realize that I'm extremely privileged. I came from a family and have a network that is wealthy with love & support. Thanks to them, I had a comfortable, safe, and well-nourished life. There are so many others who can't take these things for granted. There are many who have faced systemic racism, who are discriminated against for their sex or gender, who have grown up without parents, who have disabilities that make life difficult, who struggle with different circumstances, etc.

Here's a simple animated video to explain systemic racism by act.tv :

So, what does this privilege mean? While we can be proud of the work we've done and the struggles we've overcome to get to where we are, it is profoundly important to realize that we didn't get here alone. We're surrounded by an army of family, friends, coworkers, and well-wishers who've not only paved the path for us but also helped us navigate it and even tended to us when we've been unable to walk. Think of this when you're tempted to judge someone else's failure or success. We don't know if they had anyone to help them or if they had the same opportunities we've had. Recognize the difficulties that others have had to face, and realize how privileged you have been in your own life. If nothing else, just empathize with others.

So, you're privileged. What now? Well, use it! Be someone else's privilege. Seek out those around you who are struggling and may not have the privilege you had. Try to help them in their own struggle and one day they may be able to help someone else. Beyond that, advocate to level the playing field by voting for policies like universal healthcare, affordable quality education, a housing-first approach to homelessness, prison reform to focus on rehabilitation, and so much more. Individually, we can't help everyone who needs help, but collectively as a society, we can work toward ensuring that everyone is treated with dignity and has the opportunity to thrive.

This video from Konrad-Adenauer-Stiftung shares an interesting perspective:

In the words of Kendrick Lamar:

Sit down, be humble. - Kendrick Lamar

Do let me know your thoughts in the comments.

Till next time, stay curious.