Polyvagal Theory 6: How Your Nervous System Shapes Your Story

Polyvagal Theory gives a fascinating look into how the nervous system shapes how we see the world, our relationships, and even our emotions. Understanding this can help you navigate life's ups and downs with more ease and resilience, making it possible to feel more connected and grounded.

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The Stories Your Nervous System Tells

Your nervous system is always at work, creating "stories" that reflect how you're experiencing the world. These stories fall into three key states:

• Safety and Connection (Ventral Vagal State): A place of calm, connection, and creativity.
• Mobilisation (Sympathetic State): A readiness to act, often tied to stress or urgency.
• Shutdown (Dorsal Vagal State): A protective withdrawal when things feel too much.

Each state brings its own sensations, emotions, and way of seeing the world.

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The Story of Safety and Connection

When the ventral vagal state dominates your nervous-system-ing, life feels safe, and you're open to connection and creativity.

• How it might feel: Warmth, steady breathing, and a sense of ease.
• The story: Life feels hopeful, and the world seems full of possibilities.
• Benefits: Relationships flourish, creativity flows, and healing happens.

To tap into this state, try thinking of a favourite person, a cosy place, or the stillness of nature. These small anchors can shift your perspective, helping you feel more grounded and open.

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The Story of Mobilisation

The sympathetic nervous system kicks in when you need to act. It’s your fight-or-flight response, preparing your body for action. While it’s helpful in short bursts, staying in this state too long can leave you feeling frazzled.

• How it might feel: Restless, a racing heart, or a knot of unease.
• The story: Everything feels urgent, and connection with others seems out of reach.
• Response: A sense of needing to fix or escape something right now.

When you notice these sensations, take a moment to centre yourself. Feel your feet on the floor, notice the support of your chair, and take a slow breath out. These steps can help you find a bit of space in the chaos.

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The Story of Shutdown

If your nervous system senses extreme danger, it can switch to dorsal vagal shutdown, a protective mode that helps conserve energy. This is about survival, but it can feel heavy and isolating.

• How it might feel: Heavy, distant, or numb, like the world is fading away.
• The story: Feelings of isolation or hopelessness take over.
• Response: Withdrawing from people and activities, feeling stuck or untethered.

If this resonates, think about what might help you reconnect. Placing a hand on your heart, imagining a loved one, or contacting a friend can make a difference. It’s about finding little anchors to bring you back into connection.

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The Hope for Change

The nervous system is always shifting, and with awareness and simple practices, you can nudge it towards calm and connection (with fairy steps!).

Start with Awareness and Acceptance

• Awareness: Notice where you are right now.
• Acceptance: Accept what is there, even if it’s not ideal.
• Intention: Plan to gently guide yourself towards a place of ease.

Take Small Steps Towards Calm

• Breathe: Focus on a long, slow exhale to help your body settle.
• Move: Gentle, mindful movement can help ease tension.
• Visualise: Picture someone or something that makes you feel safe and warm.

These small steps might not seem like much, but they can gradually help to build your capacity to feel more at ease and in control.

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Rewriting Your Nervous System’s Stories

Your nervous-system-ing is always telling a story, shaping how you experience the world. By recognising these stories and learning how to shift between states, you can respond to life with more compassion and balance.

Whether you’re deepening a sense of connection, finding your footing in moments of stress, or gently anchoring yourself, there’s always a way forward. Awareness, kindness, and intention are your tools to rewrite these stories, creating a life that feels steadier and more hopeful.

"Your physiological state shapes your story. With awareness and compassion, you can begin to change it." — Deb Dana

Watch out for more insights into the world of Polyvagal Theory - exploration continues.

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