Politics Is Making Us Physically Sick

Next Stop, Burnout!: In The New York Times, Rainesford Stauffer begins her piece by bemoaning the announcement that, partly to lure younger riders like herself, Amtrak will replace its traditional dining cars with something more “flexible” and “contemporary.” Stauffer then uses this as the jumping-off point for a brilliant cri de coeur about the life being marketed — and force-fed — to millennials. “The idea that young people like me are always on the go, always in transition and always on masks that we might actually desire slowness, want to relish an experience, or enjoy taking a moment to feel comfortable and human instead of curated and optimized,” Stauffer writes. And she closes with a perfect description of our current moment. “Maybe this is what ‘contemporary’ looks like,” she writes. “I wish people knew that my generation wants more than to optimize our lives, or to feel trendy because of how fast we’re hustling. I wish slowing down didn’t feel like a luxury.” Millennials have been comically blamed for killing off everything from marriage to mayonnaise, but if they’re the generation to finally kill burnout, we’ll all be thankful. And even forgive them for killing off napkins.

Success Story: Having written a book about redefining success (and then having doubled-down by founding a company based on the idea), I was fascinated by this Axios piece about a new Gallup/Populace survey on the difference between how we define success in our own lives vs. what we believe society values. At the top of what people believe “society values more than individuals” was “fame,” followed in close order by “has a large social media following,” and “has a higher standard of living than peers.” But for what people value in their own lives, it was parenthood, seeing family, having a purpose in life and helping others. Fame was last. And this disparity matters, because it affects the choices we make in our lives and leads to the contrast between what we value in our resumes and what we talk about in our eulogies.

The Dark Side of The Giving Tree: If you’re a parent, you probably have fond memories of reading The Giving Tree to your children. And if you’re like most parents — and me — you probably misinterpreted the book as being about generosity. As Adam Grant and his wife, Allison Sweet Grant, write in The New York Times, the book is actually about self-sacrifice, as a tree (in the role of the parent) gives everything it has to a boy, until it’s reduced to a stump. As the Grants write, the distinction between self-sacrifice and generosity is very important. The former is not sustainable or healthy, and they cite research showing that people who help others while neglecting themselves more often become anxious and depressed. “Generosity is not about sacrificing yourself for others,” they write, “it’s about helping others without harming yourself.” And this kind of giving helps both parties. “Giving doesn’t have to be a sad act of sacrifice — something you have to do at your own expense,” they conclude. “It can be a joy — something you choose to do for the benefit of others.” That’s a great lesson for both kids and parents. Even more lessons on generosity can be found in their brand new children’s book, The Gift Inside the Box, published this week, which shows kids how giving is truly the gift that will keep on giving. Read More on Thrive: "What’s Missing From Our Conversation on Self-Care"

Hollywood No-Longer-Confidential: Great to see more role models helping to break the stigma around mental health by sharing their own stories. This week’s topic seemed to be anxiety. Selena Gomez spoke about her own history with it while accepting an award for mental health advocacy because, as she puts it, “we are better when we tell the truth.” Jesse Eisenberg talked about how becoming a father helped his anxiety. “To me, there's nothing better for one's mental health than to worry about things that are real,” he says, “and when you have a child, you can only worry about something that's real.” (Editor’s note: Some parents, like yours truly, managed to find plenty of parental things to worry about that weren’t real, or at least likely — but I’m glad it’s working for him). And Bill Hader says he’s learned to manage anxiety by thinking of it like a little monkey on his shoulder that he talks to. I’m going to try that one today, though probably not out loud.

Hush, Little Founder: It’s one of our most persistent archetypes: the burned out, sleep-deprived entrepreneur burning the candle at both ends on the way to launching a game-changing company. But a new series of studies discussed in Harvard Business Review finds that skimping on sleep negatively affects entrepreneurs’ ability to analyze early-stage business opportunities that can make or break the company. As the studies’ authors put it, “it’s time to put the myth of the sleepless founder to bed.”

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sleep: In her latest advice column, Thrive’s Sleep Editor-at-Large, Shelly Ibach, shares her tips for working families that face a nightly quandary: spend a great evening together as a family (with later bedtimes and possibly a groggy morning) or rush through your evening routine to get the kids to bed early, with not much time to enjoy each other’s company. And I love that, in addition to providing concrete Microsteps with the kids in mind, she makes a point to also consider the parents’ needs: “Your bedtime routine is important too, and quality sleep will give you more energy and vitality to enjoy your professional and family life.” Shelly’s taking questions on all things sleep, so submit yours via DM on Instagram to @shellyibach.

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Is Politics Making You Sick?

Is politics these days making you sick? I mean, literally sick? According to a new study by researchers from the University of Nebraska, that’s the case for millions of Americans and the numbers are startling — and grim.

• Nearly 40 percent of Americans said politics was making them feel stressed out.
• Almost 12 percent reported that politics was damaging their physical health.
• More than 20 percent said politics had negatively affected a friendship.
• Over 29 percent said they’d lost their temper because of politics. 
• Nearly 20 percent said they were losing sleep over politics. 
• Eleven percent reported feelings of emptiness after political events. 
• Just over four percent said that politics had made them feel suicidal.

As Kevin Smith, the lead author of the study, put it: “If these numbers are accurate, people are basically reporting that engaging in politics is creating something of a public health problem.”  

And that’s too bad, because politics — and especially elections — are supposed to be about solving public health problems, not fueling them.

But the study comes at a good time — it’s a reminder that as the media, political parties and campaigns gear up for the 2020 election, we need to gear up, too. 

The way the study puts it is that these negative health effects are the results of “exposure to politics.” 

Of course, there’s no end of things to be outraged about. And, while what’s happening might make us feel like the world is out of control, we have to remember that our inner world — our reactions to it all — is very much in our control.

When we live in a perpetual cycle of outrage, we’re depleted, run-down, sleep-deprived and, as the study shows, even physically ill. All of that weakens our ability to take action and change outcomes on the issues we care about. 

What I’m saying is the opposite of “disengage.” I’m saying engage in a way that’s sustainable and productive. And that means being very deliberate about stepping out of the storm and into the calm center. It’s from that place — the eye of the hurricane — that we can truly have an impact. 

So as we ramp up to the caucuses and, quite possibly, an impeachment hearing, here are a few tips, or, as we call them at Thrive, Microsteps.

1. Log off Twitter regularly. And for long stretches. Try gradually lengthening the amount of time you go cold turkey. 
2. Get out and get involved. Just passively watching increases feelings of helplessness, which in turn fuels stress. Channel that outrage into action.
3. Sleep. This is good advice all the time, but if a yearlong National Stress Event provides an opportunity to renew your relationship with it, all the better.
4. With the holidays coming up, instead of sitting around the house talking about politics with friends and family who have different views, get out of the house and do something — create some shared experiences.
5. See #1.

Read More on Thrive: "Politics Is Making America Sick"

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Before You Go

Study of the Week: One of my mother’s favorite sayings was that failure isn’t the opposite of success, it’s a stepping stone to success. And now, she’s been scientifically validated by researchers from Northwestern University who found that failing early in your career sets you up for more success down the road — as long as you keep trying. Science has yet to validate my mother’s belief that if you’re not eating every waking moment, “something is wrong!”

@nuns_on_film / Twitter

Video of the Week: Sign of the times, or sign of the end of times? Or both? A minister in Tennessee feeling the spirit, speaking in tongues and at the same time… checking his phone. The word multitasking doesn't appear in the Good Book, but Ecclesiastes 4:6 has a bit to say about it: “Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind.”

Instagram Community of the Week: Bookstagram. The Guardian’s Shelby Pope does a deep dive into book lovers’ Instagram community. They don’t just love books for the content, but also as physical objects. “Bookstagrammers are a breed of influencer we’re less familiar with — the kind that are living day-to-day what they are sharing online,” Pope writes. As a lover of real books myself, I’m all in favor. But I’d add that, as bedtime approaches, it’s time to unplug from Bookstagram and plug into… books.

Book of the Week: Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live), by Eve Rodsky. If dividing up chores is a source of tension in your relationship — which is to say, if you’re in a relationship — this is the book for you. Here, Rodsky comes up with an ingenious system that will bring harmony to your household and more time and space to your life and to what really matters — like why you got into the relationship in the first place! Read More on Thrive: Also by Rodsky, "The 3 Words That Can Ruin Your Relationship"

@jujusuits for @newyorkermag / Instagram

Cartoon of the Week: In The New Yorker, this twist on a children’s classic that sums up our current moment. I have actually done a parody of Goodnight Moon called “Goodnight Smartphone,” based on the same idea that what we need to say “goodnight” to is sadly no longer confined to the chairs and the kittens. Highlights include:

 Goodnight house, goodnight problems with spouse.

Goodnight worrying about weight loss, goodnight demanding boss.

Goodnight critics, goodnight Netflix.

Goodnight sheets, goodnight tweets.

Goodnight moon that I can’t see because of my blackout curtains.

You can download it on Audible here.