Polite Canadians and Gratitude are NOT the Same Things

The hospitality industry, with its DNA deeply rooted in gratitude, often doesn't label it as such. Brian, a seasoned professional in this field, has a unique take on this. Despite not practicing daily gratitude, he embodies a spirit of gratitude. Our conversation delved into the hospitality industry, his personal gratitude beliefs, his Canadian identity, and how these factors have influenced his perspective on gratitude.

Brian is a lifelong, deep believer in the power of gratitude. He is semi-retired from the hospitality business and tells me it’s called appreciation or recognition instead of gratitude in the hospitality industry, which is common in many industries.? He uses the terms gratitude, recognition, and appreciation interchangeably.

He started focusing on gratitude in the past few years because he wanted to “harness the power of gratitude.” Two years ago, he publicly thanked someone on LinkedIn once a week. After 52 weeks, it evolved by turning the tables. Brian now has a regular podcast, Tuesday’s Thanks Podcast, where he interviews one persona and asks who you want to thank publicly (PODCAST | Tuesday's Thanks (tuesdaysthanks.com). He also consults with organizations on how to set up and run effective recognition programs and processes.

Brian's definition of hospitality extends beyond a mere service business. It encompasses a vast market, including service, lodging, food, beverages, events, theme parks, travel, restaurants, hotels, nightclubs, and bars. Having been in the hotel business and now as a consultant, Brian is well-versed in the industry's dynamics. With a projected annual growth rate of 16%, the U.S. hospitality market was valued at a staggering $4.79 trillion in 2023.

In the hospitality business, you deal with the public, the good, the bad, and everything in between.? Gratitude changes what you focus on in ordinary and extreme situations. An extreme example Brian shared is a horrific incident in the lobby of one of his hotels where a woman was stabbed 19 times.? When he remembers the incident, he remembers how grateful he was for the hotel worker who acted to stop the stabbing and saved the woman's life, and they also acknowledged and handled the harsh reality of that situation.

The hospitality business runs on gratitude. If you don’t show gratitude or fake it, you will not succeed.? Brian’s approach to leadership is steeped in gratitude. He calls himself a servant leader: a leadership model based on appreciation and supporting others.

The hospitality business is notoriously underpaid. I asked if they use gratitude to substitute for the lower wages. Not intentionally, Brian replied that he knows and has learned that when employees are shown genuine appreciation, they are happier, loyal, engaged, and perform at a higher level. Appreciation is naturally a part of excellent public-facing services. I’ve worked in the high-tech world, where the opposite is true: they are well paid, but gratitude is not in the DNA of many tech companies. Imagine if it was.

How well someone responded to bad dad jokes that Brian tells was a criterion for hiring when he was a hotel general manager. The joke didn’t have to be funny, but a person's ability to interact pleasantly is vital in hospitality.? In hospitality, the back of the house is the part the public?doesn’t see. Keeping the back of the house clean, well-designed, and maintained at the same level as the public areas is a way to show respect and appreciation.? ?

I’ve seen recognition programs backfire because they are unfair or misunderstood, and I asked Brian for his view. He said that to have a successful recognition program, you must see it as an investment and develop it as you would any other strategic initiative: design, plan, and communicate it.? Stakeholders at all organizational levels should be involved in creating it. The criteria must be crystal clear, and it must be communicated clearly.

He’s a big fan of what he calls “spontaneous” moments of gratitude given frequently and in the moment. He surprised me with spontaneous gratitude: he held up my book, read it, told me he enjoyed it, and earmarked many pages. Thank you, Brian!

To Brian, gratitude means being in a place in your mind where you realize that you are only alive for a little time, and you can go through life hating things or feeling grateful for the things that make everything a little happier for you and those around you. So why not be happy and not grumpy? He asked, smiling.

Gratitude is part of who he is and has been.? Brian doesn’t have any personal challenges with gratitude. However, he has noticed that some people believe gratitude is only for big things, such as being grateful for a job, a family, or a big success. He says gratitude is in the small things, too; it can be the “corny little things” like having money to put gas in the car, sunshine, and a good meal.

I was wondering how much of his gratitude he attributed to being Canadian.? He said gratitude is personal and different for everyone, so it has nothing to do with being Canadian. Brian continued by explaining that, in general, Canadians consider themselves the younger siblings of the United States, still have ties to the monarchy, and have a self-deprecating sense of humor. Canadians are more polite, in general.? ?

Politeness may appear as being more grateful, but it is not necessarily gratitude. What makes it gratitude is the intention behind the words. Sometimes politeness is a mask for leave me alone; I don’t like that, or no.? We compared it to the phrase “Bless your heart,” used more often in the South. Bless your heart can be used for compassion, gratitude, or sympathy, but sometimes it is used as an insult that conveys condescension, derision, or contempt.?It depends on the situation and the intention behind it. Gratitude-like words are not always gratitude.

Brian enjoys focusing on gratitude, connecting with people from his past and new connections, like me.? It brings him joy! He’s sharing wisdom and wonderment and providing a personal and business focus for making businesses better places to work and improving their services. Check out his podcast and YouTube channel to hear how other people show appreciation and his hospitality consulting services in setting up recognition programs.

Takeaways

• Gratitude is embedded in the DNA of the hospitality business; it’s mostly called recognition and appreciation.
• Gratitude brings business loyalty, engagement, retention of staff, and higher quality services and products.
• Implementing a recognition plan should be created and managed like any other strategic initiative.
• Why not be happy and not grumpy? That’s what gratitude gets you.
• Gratitude is in the big and small things.
• Gratitude is personal, and everyone’s practice and way of approaching it are different.
• Politeness is not gratitude.

Resources:

PODCAST | Tuesday's Thanks (tuesdaysthanks.com) ? ? ? ?

Brian interviews me. Take 5 – I thank Ken Olson, of DEC fame: Tuesday's Thanks - Take 5. The Gratitude Centered Show - Guest - Star Dargin (youtube.com)

Brian Proctors Linked in Page: Brian Proctor | LinkedIn

Hospitality Consulting - Home | Leeds Hospitality Group, LLC