Polarization is Getting Old

Originally prepared for D&I Consortium Members

Climate Change, Environmental, Social, and Governance (ESG), Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR), Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) and Critical Race Theory (CRT), Roe v. Wade, immigration, political discourse, lack of or inability to dialogue, the pursuit of peace, election drama, COVID and masking opinions, economic woes, Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity (SOGI) laws, religious differences, racial tension, woke-ism and cancel culture, radical liberals and crazy conservatives, mental health and healthcare concerns…

This ubiquitous, omnipresent, and evasive practice continues to grow wider and deeper, driving us further apart.

“Heal the world. Make it a better place. For you and for me, and the entire human race. There are people dying, if you care enough for the living. Make a better place for you and for me.”

These lyrics by Michael Jackson seem more relevant today that they ever did before. In fact, some of the discontent (in my humble opinion) seems vain and misunderstood. Perhaps my disdain for the polarization is not directed toward dissenting opinions. In fact, I welcome it!

{Personal note: I’m the youngest of 6… arguing is in my blood!!}

The assumption on the work of the DEI profession is there are only few people and fewer perspectives that seek gain from the efforts of DEI advocates. As a result, there are growing attacks on the profession as being limited to (unfairly) advancing the wellbeing of BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ people. While there IS justice to be offered for these groups, these should not be the only benefactors of workplace or community DEI efforts. At its core, DEI creates a safe and welcoming place for everyone. So, what should be our response as DEI leaders?

Before I answer, I will tell a story.

When I worked in child welfare, I came across a number of children and families that were in the most desperate of situations. Unfortunately, there were many that resorted to varying degrees of abuse and/or neglect, many times reciprocating the same system(s) that they were accustomed to: abused and/or neglected as a child, drug and alcohol addiction at an early age, promiscuity and lack of meaningful relationships, unable to maintain stable housing or employment, abuse and/or neglect of their own child(ren). I encountered this situation many times proxy to foster parents, CASA supervisor, and personal relationships with caseworkers. Early in my child welfare career, I learned almost always the goal is to reunify the child(ren) with their family of origin.

I don’t use profanity… but if I did,?*insert here*!!!

My mind was blown! For the life of me, I could not figure out how this (poor) system could habitually retraumatize families. Why would we remove these children from unsafe situations, only to return them to the same situation? How sway?*Kanye voice*?!

I will pause for a second to answer my question about our response as DEI leaders. Introspection is one of the most underrated life skills that people often fail to implement. Physically, we are naturally gifted at introspection (i.e., headache, tummy ache, toothache, etc.). However, we struggle with doing so with our [thoughts], attitudes, and emotions. DEI leaders must be open and transparent with themselves and model this behavior in an effort to truly create safe spaces for everyone.

Second, DEI leaders must learn the concept of intersectionality. Coined and championed by Dr. Kimberle Crenshaw, intersectionality provides language around the intersecting identities that we all carry (e.g., I am a Black man, husband, father, Christian, and an extreme NBA fan). It is difficult, or impossible, to separate these identities from my existence, though either of these may be more [salient] dependent upon context. I believe that if we dig deep enough, we can find a source of privilege and/or oppression based on identity for any person. That could be a bold (and faulty) statement, but I invite the dialogue ??

Lastly, there must be a sense of urgency for DEI leaders to be the prototype of superior interpersonal skills. This includes characteristics such as building relationships, gaining knowledge, seeking new and sometimes changing perspectives, having courage and tact, being passionate and poise, and being comfortable saying “I don’t know.” We expect a lot of change from individuals, and even more from the systems we all operate in. It is slow! However, we must stay the course because we, too, need an element of grace to grow, learn, fail, and try again.

To finish the story, my perspective changed when I was in a Family Support Team (FST) meeting with an offending parent. She was visibly and vocally frustrated at the team and her lack of progress of her parenting/treatment plan. It was likely that she was also under the influence of something. But when she started talking about her kids, her entire demeanor changed. So did mine.

It occurred to me that NOBODY wakes up and wants to harm their child. Parenting is hard, even when you have been blessed to build resiliency and external support. Can you imagine trying to parent while struggling with mental health, familial and relational, and drug and/or alcohol issues while trying to navigate a complex, confusing system, and defending your existence as a human? The same systems that fail many other populations is similar in ways that it reciprocates on families knotted in the child welfare system. I do not discount the freedom of choice that people have, though I do not confuse this with the notion of meritocracy, lack of opportunity, or the short leash that some people are given to make mistakes. After this experience, I stopped looking so much at individual choice and more about the “why” that underlies those choices [and the systems that impact them].

In my pursuit of creating equitable and inclusive systems, this helps. There are so many perspectives in this world that (to me) seem astronomically foreign and… weird. However, because I actively practice scanning my own reactions and thoughts, understanding various identities that a person holds, and developing meaningful connections with people, my role is to make people feel like they are the most important- regardless of context. This does not include radical acceptance [of]any/all perspectives/behaviors, but does include radical acceptance of a fellow human. In the great words of my former supervisor, Dr. Shelly Farnan, we are “In it for humanity.”

One final thought. The polarization has GOT to stop! Who better to stop it than us!