Poison Bible
(Photo of River on the streets, taken by one of his "johns as a gift!)
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"Christian/Catholic Worker Gone Bad!"
(This blog was written as one section of my autobiography and is being shared with a writing group as well!)
"National Coming Out Day!"
October 11, 2024
"The Poisoness Fruit of the Tree"
"When? He said to them: "Watch out and guard yourself against all types of greed because one's life does not consist in? the abundance of one's possessions.. ."
????Barbara Kingsolver's The Poisonwood Bible engages five different voices to weave a family's difficult story into a complex narrative about mission and colonialism in the Congo.
??? A Baptist father brings his wife and four daughters into the Congro "to save" people without understanding their complex spirituality and judging it very harshly. The daughters and wife find themselves overwhelmed, the youngest dies, and the mother sets off through the jungle, finally arriving home in the United States, leaving two daughters behind. The daughters shape their lives over the years and shape their religious views. All four come to view Christianity from a more negative perspective. The Bible became a poison book!
??? The book is very haunting because it has been my journey. I left home, where the Bible contained all the "Words of life", into an unknown world, and I found myself 'poisoned' and brutalized by the very book I loved.
??? Every day I encounter people poisoned by the Bible--with its words used telling them they are going to hell for being LGBTQ, for not using condemns, having sex outside of marriage,? and not being racist. The Bible has been used to keep people in slavery, women from voting, rejecting LGBTQ. people.? The Bible has been used by the majority of hate groups and conservative political and religious groups to enforce their agenda!
??? Today is "National Coming Out Day", a day supporting LGBTQ? equality. Sharing ourselves with others is not always safe or easy, and it is not a one-day event--but when possible, it can be a mighty key to breaking down barriers of injustice!
??? I was ejected from the Church over 30 years ago with words from the very scriptures I had proclaimed each Sunday, and ordained by; I Found myself in shock on the streets of L.A., hating the Church, and all who were a part of its leadership.
??? The 'Bible poison' almost succeeded in destroying my very being; both physically and emotionally.?
??? I became a very different person from the clean-cut preacher boy which I had been; a prostitute, almost killing a man; conniving;? and caring only for myself. I still have very haunting nightmares! I find myself trying to over-eat at a meal when someone is buying because there were days I staved. I would never be the same again, never feel the care and love of others as I once did, and always in doubt! On the streets, every encounter with a person and "the "poisoned Word" was one of severe descriptive judgment.
??? During the three years of fighting to survive, I found myself empty, alone, and purposeless. Early one morning, following a night of hustling, being with four or five men, I found myself at the door of the L.A. Cathedral, and I entered to rest, and frankly,? thinking of cutting my wrists, before the altar of a God, that hated me! ????Sitting before the statue of "Our Lady of Guadalupe", seeing her glistening beautiful? image in the candlelight I heard her speaking to me, "You were called in your mother's womb, the Father creating you just for who you are to preach the Gospel to those outside the Church in a transforming way--go preach, knowing you are loved!" And I have never felt so loved! In those moments God asked:
????"May I have the dance?"
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"Dance?" I became outraged. "What do you mean by dance? I am so tired and really unsure of what this is about--your Word says you hate me?"
And the answer came back, "Your spirit knows the steps. Breathe, relax breathe?"
I let go of my fears, and melted into the arms of a loving Savior', we danced to an ethereal music of the heart that neither of us could hear. You don't need to hear music. Life has a rhythm of its own. And when you're out of syne, you must get aligned with the rhythm of life.
??? Thus began my movement off the street, and into a mythical understanding of Christ, the center of my life, and Scripture, a continuing journey, where the 'poisonous' Scripture, became the sweet taste of the living Bread of Christ.
??? This was the beginning of my journey, and in the process, I have been referred to as "feral", a term many psychologists use to diagnose youth not adjusting to society, but I claim it is a more positive approach to simply being out of sync with society in its claims on making money in its dog eat dog world!
??? Tao-NehisI Coates has a quote describing the experience of living on the streets:
"The streets transform every ordinary day into a series of trick questions and every incorrect answer risks a beat down, a shooting or a pregnancy. NONE SURVIVE UNSCATHED."
??? I have not survive? "unscathed", and so like so many who have lived on the streets, I am "feral", in many ways, and looking to the mystical Christ who is shaping my piece of uncut wood into a beautiful piece of art and hearing the words of Fr. Henri Nouwen my journey continues to Galilee!
"You have been wounded in many ways. The more you open yourself to being healed, the more you will discover how deep your wounds are.... The great challenge is living your wounds through instead of thinking them through. It is better to cry than to worry, better to feel your wounds deeply than to understand them, better to let them enter into your silence than to talk about them. The choice you face constantly is whether you are taking your hurts to your head or to your heart. In your head you can analyze them, find their causes and consequences, and coin words to speak and write about them. But no final healing is likely to come from that source. You need to let your wounds go down to your heart. Then you can live through them and discover that they will not destroy you. Your heart is greater than your wounds."
Deo Gratias! Thanks be to God!
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May the work of
“figuring people out”
Never replace the work of knowing people
And loving people
And giving them room
To confound
And inspire
And surprise me
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Temenos Catholic Worker
P.O. Box 642656
San Francisco, CA 94164
Dr. River Damien Carlos Sims, D.Min, D.S.T.
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