A poem for the warriors

Last week I wanted to write a poem for those who feel lost, for those who are enduring difficulties, for those that are struggling with addiction, for those who have been dragged under with grief, for those that continue to fight - day and night - despite feeling it would be easier just to surrender - whatever their personal fight may be, for those who feel alone in their battle and there is no questioning, that it can be a battle - a war - and you must never surrender.

This is a poem for the warriors, for the injured, for the weary, and for the survivors. Some will not understand it and that is okay, others will know it all too well. You may be at the beginning, the middle or close to the end. I want everyone with whom this poem resonates to remember that we never know what is around the corner, what one more day may bring, what moment may change everything. And that every day is a gift - no matter the challenge.

Never Surrender.

I fell off the boat

I fell off the boat so long ago

And I’ve been drowning ever since

I’ve swum too close to sharks

And patted poisonous snakes and eels

Yet here I am still breathing

But not living

Sometimes I’d see a reflection in the water

Of days gone by

Of homes where I felt safe and warm

Where I heard laughter

And felt love

But then the hurricane would stir the sea and shake me back to where I am

Hiding behind the rocks

I’ve lost my breath

And could feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into dark waters

Passed out I would float slowly to the surface

When all I wanted was to be absorbed into the ocean

And no longer have to fight to survive

For I know not how to live these days

Merely exist in this strange place I find myself

I ask myself who I am

For I no longer know

Am I the same girl of yesterday

Or am I now just some pathetic creature of the deep dark blue

Will I ever see the sun again

Will I ever rise and not be pulled back into the murky waters

Is this all there is?

I fell off the boat

And it sailed away

Not looking back

No-one came to rescue me

But I keep treading water

Sinking and rising

Despite pieces of me having fallen away

I fell off the boat so long ago now

So very long ago

With my tears and the ocean now as one

And my prayers for salvation going unheard

But strangely I keep praying

Despite the silence

Despite the futility of it all

So this is the shipwreck of my life

Some pieces have floated away

Some pieces have remained

Can the broken be rebuilt?

Can it come back a better version of itself?

Or will it always hold the scars from steering in the wrong direction

And losing all form of navigation?

I fell off the boat so long ago

Some days it feels like yesterday

Some days it feels a thousand years ago

And I’m tired

So very tired

But there is so much that I love above the waters

That I simply can’t let go

? Scribblings of a Scattered Mind - Diantra 24 January 2021