Poem with a hidden?name
She grits her teeth and loathes my sight
She offers me disgust
or pretends I am not even there
and I smile because I am evil
I am truly, irreverently and unfathomably evil
I surprise myself
I don't hate her
I don't want to curse her or yell at her
In the field, I feel how she injures
my gnawed left arm and shoulder
scream bloody evidence
achy after every one of her words
or lack of thereof
after her movements in proximity
I feel her
pain?
anger?
revulsion?
hatred, perhaps?
But I am evil
I don't recoil
I don't clench my fists or sulk
I don't vanish her from my realm
I meet her with a predatorial welcoming smile
I refuse to engage
I refuse to do a reciprocal "silent treatment"
I refuse to abhor her
reject her
slander
or ignore her
younger selves of mine berate me
how can I not react and insult back?!
seeth and prank
diminish and threaten
like I've done so many times before
how can I not retaliate, wound and enjoy causing her pain?!
how can I walk away without settling the scores?!
I smile (because I am evil)
and tell my younger selves
I am depraved, wicked
filthy
tainted and abject
It's all because I am fucking evil
and loving her relentlessly
unabashedly
and with all my heart
regardless of what she does
is the evilest thing I could ever do to her
I am evil and I insist on seeing her
as she is
with all her fury and her might
I refuse to make her wrong
I keep the doors of my heart wide open just for her
and I keep loving her
from the distance as much as when we are face to face
all because I am evil
I am evil and
when she insults
when she acts with disdain
I feel her
I feel her all the way through
her tension
her walls with all their cracks
her defences
her pain
I feel her and I wish her well in my head
I let her know I am always here
for when she needs me
for when she is ready
even if she never is
In the dark
I extend my hand towards her
even if she means to maul me
I am evil and cunning
I keep finding kinky ways to demonstrate my love
Because I am evil and this is what my version of evil does