The Plight of Working Dads

A few years ago I was at a pitch dinner with the proverbial steak and scotch crowd. If you haven’t been, just picture a bunch of guys (mostly guys) trying to convince potential investors that the company they recently rescued was worth taking to “the next level”.

Half the group had flown in for the meeting and during our conversation one of the money men mentioned that he had missed his son’s game (again) to be there.

He tried to play-off the sacrifice with a half-hearted joke.

“I guess I won’t win Father of the Year this time around,” he said. “But that's what it takes, right?” ?

No one answered his rhetorical question and by the look on his face, he already knew the verdict.

Failing Father of the Year came up again later that evening, this time in relation to a missed dance recital. From there I began to notice how often “successful” men uttered similar statements with a haunting echo of regret in their voices. ??

For generations men have faced an unshakable burden framed as a binary choice. Time is money. If you want enough of the latter to ensure financial security for your family, you must sacrifice the time. That means missing the most meaningful moments: the soccer games, the school plays.?

The “have-it-all” influencers and #bestlife pundits may assert otherwise, but the equation is real and wrapped in a sense of duty that is hard to comprehend unless you’ve been there…unless you truly understand the need to climb from your current situation to the better one you want for your children. ?

So where's the balance?

That comes from the realization that the height of the mountain doesn’t matter as much as the ability to climb it with the people you love. Sure, money is important, but kids remember experiences, the moments they spend with you.

Free time is the new status symbol. Beach houses are nice I suppose. And maybe a Porsche is more fun to drive than a Miata, but to me it’s always been about who is along for the ride.

And sure, there’s a perverse peace of mind that comes from accumulating F-you money. But true comfort comes from designing a balanced life where the urge to say, “F-you world” never actually arises.?

For years we’ve collectively congratulated working moms. The praise is well-deserved. Moms who somehow balance career and family obligations are an inspiration to and an example for their kids. But let’s not forget about working dads. Their struggle and sacrifices are just as real. The societal pressures they face are just as strong.

But that’s where partnership comes in. Pick the right person and the obligations even out. Perhaps “working families” is the better concept to applaud. Families, in whatever form, can find balance if they have the courage of conviction to put first things first. The challenge of course is making the choice.

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About: Tim Toterhi is not your typical CHRO. He’s an author, career coach, and TEDx speaker who approaches life with a playful smile and an eyebrow up.? Other posts include:

·?????How to Coach in 60 Seconds

·?????13 Things Every Man Needs to Hear

·?????Leadership Lessons from a Dead Fitbit

Photo by Lisa Fotios