The Plight of a French Fry: A human perspective.

I start my life being cut from a whole Spud. I am separated at birth, so to speak, with the rest of my being. Me and the other friends(some not) are taken in a cool dark environment until some giant with a machine with round black things on it with a big bucket picks us all up and are loaded. We are given a ride in the sunshine (hopefully in PEI) "Yeeehaaa a Hay Ride!!!!" we scream....until we are tossed randomly in cold red clay like soil. We don't even have a chance to choose who we grow up with. Sometimes we grow up along side a sick Spud so we are sprayed with shit...A cure all they say. Huh??? 

 Instantly, we are buried alive, and are expected to use every last bit of energy to sprout a sprout to reach up and find the surface. "Which way is up Dammit??" We all shout in unison. And if you are buried ass up...you are in for a treat. We grow a beautiful green foliage on top and we flower so all the visitors to Anne of Green Gables can gawk over us. Well, I say "What about me beneath the soil???", No sunshine, cool darkness... stuck in bright red mud...and we get soaked every day at the same time...only to dry out again. Can You say "Water Torture"!!!. Ugh.

 Beneath the ground we are expected to miraculously multiple into whole spuds again. And as many as we can. Just DO IT. "OK master" we say...obliging to the giants and Bringers of Rain every day. I wish I could like them as much as that Blue Jay hitter Vladimir. However, I am happy not being a baseball..."That looks like it hurts."

  When it starts to get cold and chilly we are scraped out of the PEI red clay. Our beautiful tops are severed from our bottoms..."Dude this is not pleasant.!!" Back in the sunshine for now, but a cool North Westerly wind blows across our exposed bodies...Friends all but lost...new friends gained...but most are just passer byes of life...rowing the same boat.

  Stored now in cool darkness for months on end. Ya don't even know if you are snuggling up to Mom or a stranger!!!Not knowing what is next...Sunshine??? Soaking??? Darkness??? I am cold.

  Being Bagged now with a 100 other spuds. Transported now....I peep out through a slit in the bag and recognize a few places my grand father told me about...The Plaster Rock highway...The Bay of Fundy...the Notre Dame Basilica, and finally the CN Tower...Just Gorgeous I thought...."What a Ride...and it is FREE!!! I didn't even use Frequent flyer miles or pay the airport tax....That can be a bitch you know if you fly through Toronto!!!"

 Finally I arrive...there are ancient stories about this place...the promised land. We are rinsed and scrubbed...it feels so good to have my back washed......Oh MY...That feels so good..."Heaven". And they used warm water too!!! And also dry us with a clean towel...We are all sooo excited for the Spa Day...We are exploding with Laughter....Then suddenly...the laughter is multiplied by 30Xs...as we are instantly sliced into small strips. Slivers of our once self...exposed...vulnerable.....and without any delay thrown in a hot liquid. So warm...I could hardly express my gratitude... As Sam McGee said..."Since I left Summerside, down in PEI, it's the first time I've been warm.". I am seasoned with this new Bush Dreams Spud Dust.

  I am on a white warm plate now...the giants surrounding me are not so giant anymore...they are small giants..looking at me on a white plate...laughing and putting my friends or slivers of my friends in this hole. Legends say they call it the Pie Hole...I have renamed it the Fry Hole...I am picked up...Her Fry Hole is smiling....She loves the flavor...I am.......finally Happy...I am....A Spud.