The Plight of DL Flight 1156

Much is written of late about creating the full 'Customer Experience'.

Those who take more than a shallow dive into that endeavor understand that designing, developing and implementing such a plan requires an Organization to touch the bases of their social media presence, financial and business reporting, the performance of their people and their follow up and 'fixing' when expectations fall short.

As it is with many other marketing or promotional flavors-of-the-day, almost every business of any scale, public or private has waded into the 'Experience' waters. Some succeed. Many fail because they believe quite erroneously that their Customers always wear rose colored glasses and drink Kool-Aid. And a final category of companies, to an even greater fault, simply overdose on all things 'Customer Experience'.

Which brings me to Flight 1156, Atlanta to Phoenix on Friday September 3rd, 2021.

Long before departure day, the airline graced me with the first iterations of their 'Customer Experience' taking form as (a) The CEO of the airline extensively and with great passion, virtue signaling on every social, economic, political and demographic happenstance of human nature. He did so at least weekly since, well forever. And always with the same underlying theme of how current and woke he and his employees were and would remain ever-so. I should be proud to fly with them. (b) The airline also prominently releasing it's quarterly financial results with a cool nod to a billion dollars plus in earnings (but no mention whatsoever of the government assistance offered to support and prop up the CEO and his airline and no mention of any plans to payback the generous tax-payer funded hand-up/hand out) And, (c) A barrage of pre-flight emails describing every new adaptation and adverb-laced rendition of flying an airplane from point A to Point B with the promise of how welcoming and wonderful the 'Experience' would soon be.

All for just $1400 dollars (2 tickets). If I wasn't impressed yet, clearly I would be soon.

Our departure day arrived and we went to the assigned Gate. More 'Customer Experience' awaited. This Airline now boards planes insuring that every human demographic and self ascribed cultural 'marker' is recognized. "...now boarding those passengers who identify today with red hair but who were born with black hair... to be followed by those passengers who now identify as bald but who previously had red hair..." After a proper herding of us and our seatmates by the Gate Agent and as we headed down the jetway to our seats, yet another complete and immersive 'Experience' was revealed. There, at least 15 large posters covering both walls of the metal hallway guided our way, each picture perfectly staged, perfectly correct in representing every age, gender, race and social practice of America in 2021. How great is that, I thought? I can't wait to meet all of these terrific people and see them on my bright, sparkling white plane, just like in the pictures. Only 20 more yards to go...

We arrived at Seats 18D and E. Immediately a voice and a video descended from the clouds (ceiling) as if from the heavens. It was the CEO again, surrounded by bright sunshine, dancing ground crews and singing gate agents with a choral of what wonderful things awaited us as we "...flew off together on our journey..." (Really, was he on the plane too?)

Too bad that our seats were, well filthy would be a kind description. Soiled fabric, dirty floor and seat backs that had seen much better days. Where was that sparkling white plane with the great blue seats and all the beautiful people? Worn out, overused and long ago past prime all would be appropriate adjectives for our little (very little) corner of paradise. Where were the smiling faces? Strike One.

The flight crew was capable and good at managing crowds. Not particularly pleasant, engaging or smiley but we all have tiring or bad days when just doing our job is all we can muster. And their job these days includes keeping the duct tape handy. Understood and accepted.

As flight 1156 reached its flying altitude, we reached under our seats (Bulkhead) to retrieve the swing-arm video monitors stored there, Mine popped up as expected. Again, "filthy, worn and worn out" would be kind descriptives but, as I soon learned, I was grateful that it at least worked. My wife's monitor was instead laying on the floor in front of her, connected only by a single electrical wire and an abundant wrapping of yellow tape marked "Needs Repair". When she tried to lift it, it fell limply on to her lap with no intention of standing up for any use. Hey, "...its only four hours until touchdown.." I offered to her to which I promptly received a "... good, then let's switch seats..." reply. (Insert no smile here).

In reality, for the next 240 minutes, she literally held the monitor with one hand and used it to watch her movie by viewing it from a weird angle on her lap. I'll spare you all of the resulting stares, words of "appreciation" and comfort that were expressed in the coming hours. But wait, you ask, why didn't we call the Flight Attendant? Ahh yes, a Hobson's choice indeed (look that up for those Readers who majored in 'Feelings" in college). For you see, (a) if we call the Attendant, she will certainly force us to put the monitor back on the floor because her corporate lawyers and risk managers have scolded her and scared her into submission about never, ever making independent or helpful decisions or, (b) we can choose to stay quiet, use the broken device and live for another day. Wifey chose Option Two. And also a very big Strike Two in the airline's 'Experience' at bat.

No worries [because] our great meal service and snacks will surely make up for all the bad things so far, right? You already know where this is going. For all airlines, this particular "amenity" has been a race to the bottom among Industry peers for years. Each one saving pennies while creating (ironically quite well) as much bad will as possible. Our four hours equaled 1 bottle of water, 1 bag of chips (in the smallest bag ever designed) and a logo-emblazed napkin (for what, the water or the chip crumbs)? The flight crew, with straight faces actually asks adult passengers "...do you want a cookie..?" Fourteen hundred bucks, "extra Comfort seats" and less than a $1.50 in meal service. Wait for it: yes, Strike Three!

Our Flight (Plight) finally ended if only by the passage of time and miles. Lucky us to have been so well served by so many aspects of this airline's much vaunted 'Customer Experience'.

A few parting thoughts to the CEO and all of his 'Team Members' in order of priority: (1) Fix the Planes. (2) Fly the Planes. (Please go directly to #6 below if you fail at #'s 1 & 2). Next: If you are going to virtue signal about how your airline is fixing the world, perhaps you might be sure your equipment is safe, clean and usable, first. (4) The picture that your posters and promotions paint are no where near reality. Either fix the promotion to match the 'Experience' or fix the 'Experience' to match the promotion. Can't do both? Then pick one and at least as a Customer I will know what to expect. (5) It's OK to charge me $20 more on a $1400 set of tickets for a sandwich, a snack and a smile. I'll happily chip in if you and your Accountants are so tightly wound. Or is it that this will really make a dent in the billion in profits? Or maybe you really believe that people are cattle and deserve to be treated like them? (Actually, I think livestock eat better). And finally, (6) If you don't have the staff to properly, safely and courteously operate an aircraft, then take it out of service, stay on the ground and take the flight off the schedule.

Radical concepts all, I know.

Oh, and (dear Airline) in case you read this and choose to respond, please don't play the 'Covid Card' - "...we're all doing the best we can in these trying times..." You already used that one thousands of times and long ago it became only what it is, a boring and broad-brush excuse.

At least we enjoyed Phoenix / Scottsdale where the Princess Fairmont Resort and it's Management and Team Members there provided a spectacular, value-added and thoroughly enjoyable 'Customer Experience'. Oh, and by the way, not one poster, not one video, no singing staffers and I don't even know who the CEO is or where she/he stands on any of society's issues. I do know quite clearly however, where she /he stands on running a magnificent property !

Unfortunately, now we have to fly back to Atlanta with the same airline...

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