There are Plenty of ‘Non-Crucial’ Conversations Worth Having Too
David Pearson
AHA Regional Executive and career #advocate for #hospitals. I find joy in serving others. Let’s make the world a better place through our work.
Harry Potter: “I'm sorry, sir. I was just admiring your hourglass.”
Prof. Slughorn: “Oh, yes. A most intriguing object. The sand runs in accordance with the quality of the conversation. If it is stimulating, the sand runs slowly.”
Crucial conversations are a familiar concept to most of us and earmarked as highly important, but what other kinds of conversations matter the most in our personal and professional lives? Chances are (and hopefully) we have a lot of ‘non-crucial’ conversations in our day-to-day routine. Whether these interludes are for business or pleasure, they help us to convey our thoughts and feelings to those we’re in contact with. We should approach them all with casual purpose.
In the work setting, time is valuable. It would be nice if we had an hourglass to slow things down and to allow for us to make meaningful connections, but that isn't always the case. The busyness of our businesses sometimes propels us through conversations more rapidly than we would like. Even at home, with all the sports practices, tutoring, choir, band, you name it, we can get lost in our schedules and forgo opportunities to just be with the people we care about.
There are a few kinds of conversations we should recognize when we are in them and make a concerted effort to pause and enjoy as time allows. Each of these occasions brings with it extra benefits for both parties and can leave a lasting impression on its participants. Identify them early so you can take full advantage.
Consequential
The consequential conversation has a deeper purpose that develops as the thoughts start to flow. Whether it is an occasion to coach, mentor, empathize or respond to a personal situation, the benefit of the dialog is in the understanding that develops. Advice is not always needed or wanted, but a shared concern is one that can get resolved and/or improved. Make the time to listen deeply and offer a heartfelt response when you have a chance to connect at this level. You can change the course of your relationship for the better by the end of this talk. Not every conversation is consequential, but all consequential conversations will create a lasting impression.
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Completed
A rushed or hurried dialog is subject to interpretation, especially when you don't take the time to bring a conversation to a close or a mutual agreement to pick it up again later. There are reasons why you may not always be able to find a suitable stopping point, but try to make those the minority. Allow the hourglass to run out on occasion or you can time your discussion so that you can reach some conclusion before you have to rush to the next obligation. You will find that there are fewer misunderstandings when you are able to complete your thoughts before you part ways, but leave plenty of time to listen as well. A one-way conversation usually only benefits one side.
Caring
A caring conversation is one where you play a supporting or thoughtful role. Think as a caregiver would. What support can I offer? How can I relate to the feelings being shared in this instance? How can I respond in a way that allows for either healing, understanding or celebration? Sometimes people just need to feel heard when they are feeling negative or positive. Be there to play a supporting role and make this opportunity last. You can be of no greater benefit than in times like these. The genuine exchange of kindness and support for coworkers, family or friends is good for our own mental health too. Everyone wants to know somebody is truly there for them.
How will you handle these moments in the future? Will you take the time to linger on the message you are sending and receiving or rush to the ending? I hope that you will make some extra time. We all have schedules to keep, but people will understand if you are a few minutes late, because you cared enough to share time with those who needed it. For that matter, they may be the next lucky recipient or one to pay it forward.
Thanks for leading by listening and by making meaningful connections with the people around you! One by one, we can create a web of support with the time and attention we take to make sure everyone is sincerely heard and understood.