Please Stop Asking These Questions!

Please Stop Asking These Questions!

This time of year we celebrate the accomplishments of our graduates and wish them well as they pursue their next adventure. However, too often this is also a time where we give our graduates the wrong advice: that a destination is all they need, that success means having their lives planned out.

As every high school senior can attest, a trio of questions awaits them:

  • "Where are you going to college?"
  • "What are you going to major in?"
  • "Then what will you do?"

And each time those questions come up, it reinforces a cultural norm that says, "There is a required system here, in case you hadn't noticed. You need to set your sights on a specific diploma earned from a specific institution that will prepare you for a specific occupation, if you ever hope to truly succeed."

What our unsuspecting high school seniors don't know yet is that they will be handed another set of questions upon graduation from college; another set when they get their first job or their first serious partner. Indeed, there are always more milestone questions. In our culture, such questions are everywhere. Unfortunately, all these questions do is convince people that life is about a destination

So, this June, parents and grandparents, please stop asking destination questions. We all want the young people in our lives to be successful - and we're genuinely interested in what they're doing. But if we want to foster growth and encourage them to focus on the right things, we have to stop asking them to tell us about life milestones and start asking them to open up about the things that matter to them, the type or people they are, and the type of people they want to be.

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If you're like many nonprofit leaders, you have some sense of fear right now. That's normal. But, how you lead your team through your fear is what sets you apart. On Tuesday, June 2nd, I'm pleased to be joining the Thrive Impact team for an engaging interactive conversation and live coaching with nonprofit leaders - and I would love for you to join us;

Register here:



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Naveen Pandey

Founder @ Skyroot Marktech Pvt Ltd | Digital Marketing, Content creator

4 年

Very nice...??

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James Kirchner

Past President at Michigan Translators/Interpreters Network

4 年

I have been telling the kids for years that just because they go to X institution and study for Y job, that doesn't mean they'll ever end up doing that job. The universe pushes people into the careers it needs them to be in, and usually not the ones they're aiming for. And don't even think that studying a major that "will prepare you for a job" is what leads to success. For the past few years I have been googling people I knew in my 20s who were devoting themselves to things that would give typical parents a heart attack. One classmate of mine devoted most of her studio time to making puppets. Headed for failure, right? No, she wound up famous in the movie and TV industry designing major characters that everyone today knows. The stories are similar with one person after another who was devoting his or her life to things that "will never make you a living", but there they are, 40 years later, all financially comfortable and successful in their careers. My advice to kids is, "Hardly anybody ends up doing what they studied in college."

Jayshree Patel

Hotelier | Award Winning Author | Indie-Publisher | Presenter | Collaborator | Social Impact and Sustainability Advocate

4 年

Yes - it is such a ridiculous expectation especially in a world that is constantly changing and where adults need to continually adapt. My 14 year old gets asked this (especially since we moved to the USA) and then he worries about whether he should know. I continually remind him that he should follow his curiosity and just keep discovering himself and the world around him. My 18 year old has a much clearer idea of what he wants and I continually remind him the same thing.

Superb! Thank you Ma'am.

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