Please Speak to Someone.

This time 3 years ago I was optimistically looking forwards to the New Year. We had two businesses trading well, a third showing real promise and I’d just convinced two of my now partners to quit their well paid secure jobs to start up their first business with me.

Three short months later my world came crashing down. My marriage of 12 years ended. I had to move out of my family home and away from my three children. Covid-19 hit and like most other companies, the cash stopped coming in whilst costs remained the same.

By April, I’m burning through cash both professionally and personally (I’m now renting as well as paying our mortgage), I’m drinking everyday and socialising in places where drugs are readily available. Emotionally and financially I’m at the point of collapse. Something had to give.?

A friend of mine had recommended a counsellor, Jay. The first half dozen sessions were basically me trying to make sense of the situation I was in and crying. Sometimes uncontrollably.?

The process of counselling to understand behaviour is without doubt the hardest thing I have ever done. There is no hiding place from your own actions and emotions. Part of that process for me was becoming ruthless about who I wanted in my personal and professional lives - for the sake of my own mental wellbeing - then taking steps to work much harder on the relationships I valued.

That was 32 months ago. I’m now engaged to be married. My partner Gemma is a breath of fresh air. I have never known a relationship like it. She is loving, kind, generous but also tough. She won’t take any of my shit or let me hide from the hard conversations.?

I can genuinely say I am a much better father than I have been in the last 15 years. I prioritise my kids when previously they would often come second or third.

We’ve just finished a record year for our business. I have business partners who are exceptional individuals. They work hard, want to do business in the right way and I genuinely enjoy their company.?

Why am I telling you all this? Mental health affects us all. When you’re struggling to cope it’s ok to reach out. At my worst point, a couple of my friends really surprised me and stepped up. They help me to talk and also get professional help. I still speak to Jay every month.

A key for me is to surround myself with people whom I love, are positive and who I can bounce off. I try and spend as much face-to-face time with them as possible. The picture is of our Christmas party earlier this month. There were 20 people there, all of whom I take pleasure in being around.

But everybody is different. If you feel you’re winning then good luck to you. If you feel you’re struggling, speak to someone - it will get better and you can get through this.

Happy New Year to you and your families.

#mentalhealth #behonest #itsoknottobeok