Please Don't Snap At Me

As I've shared in many previous posts, our Corgi, James, is a sweet little guy. While he can have his moments with other dogs (especially when he's on his leash), he is generally very friendly with humans. He loves getting affection and will often sit next to me, letting out little barks until I pet him. So, a few weeks ago, when he started snapping at my wife and me whenever we pet him, we grew very concerned. (He didn't bite either of us, but definitely scared us enough to stop petting him.)

At first, we thought he was mad at us because we let a new puppy into the house. (Our oldest child recently got a Golden Retriever puppy named Story—perhaps a subject for a future post.) However, they seemed to be getting along well, so that didn't really check out. Our vet then suggested that perhaps he had a small injury (maybe he was playing a bit too rough with Story) and our petting him caused some pain.

So, as difficult as it was, we stopped petting him for a few weeks (with a few momentary lapses, where he was quick to remind us that he didn't want rubs).

Now, about four weeks later, he seems to be OK. At our visit to the vet earlier this week, he begged me to pet him while in the waiting room, and he hasn't snapped at my wife or me since. We're hoping that whatever it was has passed.

The whole incident caused me to reflect on similar situations with humans. We've all had moments where we've been snapped at (or snapped at someone). It is not comfortable. So, here are some tips for moving past it and, hopefully, preventing it from happening altogether.

1. Stay Calm.??Whether it's your dog, partner, friend, colleague, client, or someone else, a loud, unexpected bark can be quite alarming and frightening. Take a breath and try to stay calm. A quick, uncontrolled reaction could make things worse.
2. Determine the Cause.??Whether the bark or outburst was warranted or not (it generally never is), acknowledge that something caused it. If the reason isn’t immediately clear, take a moment to figure it out. Without knowing the cause, it will be difficult to resolve the issue and prevent it from happening again. This often requires a conversation with the "barker." (Unfortunately, this is a bit more difficult to do with a Corgi.)
3. Notify Others Who May Be Impacted.??Oftentimes, the direct recipient of the bark is not the only one affected. If others weren’t "in the room where it happened," be sure to let them know about the situation so they can prevent it from happening to them (and potentially help you identify the cause). We were certainly sure to let others know about James as we tried to figure things out.
4. Ease Your Way Back.??Once it happens, you are immediately on shaky ground. It can take a while to rebuild trust and confidence. Be extra careful and alert as you work to mend the relationship. On a positive note, the way in which you respond can often make the relationship stronger than before. For James, we started with very short pets and waited for him to "ask" for them before giving them.
5. Be on Alert.??The best way to prevent an outburst is to recognize when one may be coming (either from you or someone else). Watch for warning signals—a small growl, an unfriendly facial expression, or steam coming out of someone's ears (more likely in cartoons). Take a break, lower the volume, or acknowledge the situation and address it before it escalates. If James starts growling, stop petting him.

Unfriendly outbursts can be frightening. But don’t let them scare you. More often than not, they are learning experiences that can strengthen a relationship. Just follow the tips above and all should be OK.

As always, if this message resonates with you, feel free to share it with someone who might benefit from these insights. I’d also love to hear your thoughts or reflections here.

- Jeff