Playtime's over folks ...

It's all well and good this planned loosening of lockdown thing, but it suddenly dawned on me that with it come all sort of challenges. Like what to wear, for a start. Below the waist that is. I'm assuming that tracksuit bottoms and pyjamas won't cut the mustard but what will?

The fashion editors are no use. As usual, the pictures they send back from the fashion shows are full of clothes you might see on Star Trek but which are much less suitable for the boardroom. Even post pandemic.

Perhaps my red culottes will finally make an airing.

And what about footwear? Surely to God we (women) are not going to be forcing our foot-shaped feet into triangular shaped bits of leather, perched on 4 inch sticks. But what's the alternative? Shoes with knee high pop socks (see photo above)?

That's not all. There will be all those decisions to make. I have only just realised that the best thing about lockdown is that there are NO decisions to be made. Even about what to eat. A year in and you just replicate last week's routine or re-order last time's Deliveroo.

We are about to be faced with a veritable barrage of situations requiring decisions.

When to go to the office, when to work from home, which mode of transport to use, who you're going to see, when to entertain at home, when to go to a restaurant, which restaurant, how to get there, what time to book a table, when to book a holiday, where to go, who to tell ....It all feels incredibly stressful.

I actually think I may have a form of Stockholm syndrome. I might let you all test the water first whilst I extend my own little lockdown for a few weeks more.

Celebrities lead from the front

What am I thinking. How defeatist. That's not the way to be approaching life. How will we rebuild the economy if everyone continues to loll around in their pyjamas. No, we need to follow the example of those celebrities who got themselves dolled up for the Golden Globes even though they were going no further than their front rooms.

Even the blokes. Here's Josh O'Connor. There you are folks: for men, ties are out, replaced by ... little thin scarves tied around the neck. Like ... ties. Mmm.

Noon. So much more to come.

I did actually get my shit together this week, to be fair. A couple of months ago, I'd been asked by Eleanor Mills if I'd like to contribute to a new platform she's building to provide resources for women in "mid-life". It's called Noon. Noon.org, check it out.

Now as anyone who follows me elsewhere will know, I have pretty strong views on this subject. Do not write us off, we are brilliant, talented, forgotten under-represented, under-employed, under-appreciated, generally fabulous, amazing friends, efficient workers, wise beyond our years .... and all that. So how could I resist.

Here I am and although I couldn't do anything about the jowls and frizzy hair, at least this time I managed not to be filmed in front of a poster full of swear words.

The youth are taking over

Never has this platform been more needed. It started with Greta trying to steal good old David Attenborough's thunder, then Joe Biden jumped on the band wagon and appointed 14 year old ping pong player, Anna Hursey, from Cardiff as his climate change advisor.

As if "older" women didn't have enough to contend with without our younger sisters barging in and taking all the plum jobs.

Still, it's International Women's Day tomorrow and the theme is #ChoosetoChallenge. I'm sure that will make all the difference.

When it comes to getting your shit together

Ursula has a plan. In the face of criticism about the (dis)organisation of vaccine purchase and distribution, the EU is proposing immediate action to prepare Europe for the increased threat of coronavirus variants. A good crisis calls for a new quango, so the plan is to create one called the "HERA Incubator, which will co-ordinate the efforts of scientists, manufacturers, regulators etc. to co-ordinate analysis of new variants, production of vaccines, speed up the approvals process and ensure smooth distribution processes,

Clearly not holding their breaths, Hungary placed vaccine orders with Russia, Poland with China and the Austrian chancellor sent his envoy to Israel.

Speaking of Political Heavyweights

What has happened to the Labour party? I saw Kier this week, making a statement in front of a podium with three nonsensical words on it (Secure, Protect, Rebuild) against a background with a strange purple hue.

What happened to red? I like red. When did red go out of fashion? I have red culottes, remember. Labour owns red like the Conservatives own blue, the Liberals yellow and the Greens, well, green. So what's with the purple.

And do we all have to have three word slogans now? I think they had their origins in the advertising industry. Just Do It. Every little helps. Naughty But Nice. Great when you are selling trainers & cream cakes. Not so sure about conveying the message of a political movement.

Having said that, not sure Labour counts as a political movement at the moment. Can anyone name the shadow health secretary? Shadow education secretary? Home secretary? Nope, me neither. I can do the shadow chancellor because it was the budget this week and she popped up with a response, though for the life of me I couldn't summarise what that response was.

Never mind the Olympics, what about Eurovision?

Apparently, the show goes on, though organisers have said "not in the usual format." And without Armenia, who pulled out two days ago.

I may not follow this story.

Hello Dolly

What a legend. Words fail me.

And finally

Some very lovely and clearly intelligent readers have suggested I missed my calling: that I was obviously meant to be a journalist. Sadly, despite my best efforts, mostly here on this platform where I am allowed to prattle on at will and have amassed what I think is a reasonable following, the offers are just not flooding in. Not a single one.

It must be my age. If I was a fourteen year old ping pong player who could string a sentence together maybe they'd give me a chance. Or perhaps it's my sex. Or do I mean gender? Being a woman. I say that because this bloke who made a few funny videos about two labradors and suddenly he pops up with a regular column in the Sunday times.

I can do dogs.

Well, that's that. Notice no mention of the budget (been done to death), 1% pay rise for nurses (I don't even know where to start with that one) or the prince & the showgirl (couldn't possibly do them justice).

I'm reading: Shuggie Bain, by Douglas Stuart

I'm listening to: Shuggie Bain, narrated byAngus King (the only way I'll get through it)

I'm watching: Unforgotten. I just love Nicola Walker, that way she has of looking at people resignedly, accepting that life is generally a bit crap whilst at the same giving a little smile before landing them with a beautifully crafted, sardonic line of dialogue. And she has jowls. An actress that wears her jowls with pride. What's not to love.

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY ALERT

OK. If you have to, #ChoosetoChallenge, here's my suggestion. Just do ONE thing. Do ONE thing that will make a difference to a woman's life. Something practical. I'm planning two.

1. I'm determined to get one particular woman a job offer
2. Stephanie and I are going to offer one young woman a job for six months, as part of the Government's kickstart scheme

Would love to hear about anything you plan to do yourself.

That's all folks.

Don't be evil

Watch my lips

Just say no

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