Playing small does not serve the world

The conversations I have had in the last few days have challenged many assumptions I have lived. I am a private person on many matters. That comes from the belief that humility is about hiding. I have opted to remain inconspicuous about everything, including my gifts and achievements, for a long time. To that effect, I have not publicly celebrated essential milestones in my life. As a Catholic, I have faithfully embraced the calling to decrease while others expand. It is an admirable stance until it begins to hurt.

I have sacrificed growth at the altar of religious correctness. In the last few days, I have realised the importance of the ciTonga phrase "Sibili-sibili, milimo njakulisibila". The term contrasts with the related English one about not blowing one's trumpet. BuTonga recognises the difference between truthful trumpet-blowing with solid musical sound and blowing hot air without a sound. Blowing a trumpet without sound is self-delusion. Blowing a trumpet producing actual music is integrity. Sibili-sibili, milimo njakulisibila invites the trumpeter to integrity and congruency.

If the trumpet sound is congruent, one needs not worry about the wrath of the judgement of others. What they claim to be can be matched by their output. The opposite is hypocrisy, pretending to be what one is not. I am cautious about being seen even when I desire that. What I have done instead is to play small. I have played small until it is hurting now. Pain can be a great revealer. It forces people to ask questions they have avoided for a long time. In asking those questions, I remembered the words of Marrinae Williamson warning that "playing small does not serve the world". She further stated that "There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."

I have plaid small when I have not celebrated my graduations. I have played small when I have diminished my skills and competencies in fear of being seen as showy. I have plaid small when I have not accepted invitations to share my life-long learnings. When I received a scholarship, I hid. When I received a breakthrough appointment, I minimised it. I need to march to a different drum in future. It is the drum that encourages to occupy space and accept to matter. I matter, and so do you. Every person matters; no one is less than another. Mattering deeply is what Marriane Williamson may have meant in writing that "as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same".

While there are many instructions in the Christian scriptures that caution against blowing a soundless trumpet, perhaps I privileged that voice against the other one that encourages to let one's light shine. I silenced the following scriptures in my demeanour and how I show up in the world. There is a difference between showing off and showing up. Showing up is about being in the world as who one truly is. It shows up, embracing complex becoming moment by moment that the scriptures may have invited. In the new year, I intend to be more visible and engaged. I hope my light will shine bright as per the instruction of the misunderstood Jew, Yehoshua. ?The travelling teacher has made a similar challenge to his followers three times. Perhaps I can leave it with his words as I enter a space of discerning my integrity and loudly blow my trumpet.

In the Gospel of Luke, Jesus declares:

"No one, when he has lit a lamp, puts it in a cellar or under a basket, but on a stand, that those who come in may see the light. The lamp of the body is the eye. Therefore, when your eye is good, your whole body is also full of light, but it is also full of darkness when it is evil. Therefore see whether the light that is in you isn't darkness. If therefore your whole body is full of light, having no part dark, it will be wholly full of light, as when the lamp with its bright shining gives you light."

— Luke 11:33–36,?World English Bible

In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus says:

"Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father."

— Matthew 5:15-16,?New American Bible Revised Edition

In the Gospel of Mark, Jesus says:

"Is a lamp brought in to be placed under a bushel basket or a bed and not to be placed on a lampstand? Nothing is hidden except to be made visible; nothing is secret except to come to light. "

— Mark 4:21-22,?New American Bible Revised Edition