Playing Men's Games... or Not

Taking on Men’s Games: The Power of Presence

Why men’s games? Researchers have long demonstrated that gender is not just about biology. Gender is a system that works on both individual and organizational level. We, men continuously express our masculinity through interactions, and given the gender disparities in the managerial workplace, these interactions in turn have an oversized impact on corporate culture. Much research has been devoted in the last two decades to the ‘normative masculine ideal’ and its expression in the space of work. Jennifer Berdahl and others coined the term ‘masculinity contests’ and discussed their impact in 2018 HBR article ‘How Masculinity Contests Undermine Organizations, and What to Do About It’. As Berdhal, et al. mention, in the modern westernized cultures ‘the hegemonic masculine ideal for men is to be rich, White, heterosexual, tall, athletic, professionally successful, confident, courageous, and stoic.’ While very few men fulfill all these requirements, many appropriate at least some of the dimensions to fit into the culture of men’s games. Phrases like ‘man up!’ demonstrate the precarious nature of masculine ideal: while womanhood is largely considered intrinsic, manhood must be ‘earned’ and at constant risk of being ‘lost’ (for example, by demonstrating excessive emotion or vulnerability).

In 1976, American social scientists Deborah David and Robert Brannon identified four fundamental character traits of Western masculinity: “No sissy stuff” (no feminine emotions); “Be a big wheel” (achieve status and power); “Be a sturdy oak” (exhibit toughness and stamina; and “Give’em hell” (crush the opposition). Close to fifty years later, these attributes remain intact as the dominant markers of normative masculinity. Workplace is the universal social arena where this normative hegemonic ideal plays out, and in certain places, becomes a dominant part of corporate culture and its expectations. Working in this environment is shown to create both direct (stress, productivity, turnover) and indirect costs (limited innovation resulted from low psychological safety) on the business. I am sure like many others I don’t need research to tell me how it feels, we’ve lived through enough examples in our careers.

So, what’s to be done about men’s games? Much has been said about driving diversity and inclusion in corporate culture. Recent research showed that dropping bias trainings or diversity initiatives into places dominated by the men’s games does not result in meaningful change. Often, toxic behaviors are only reinforced when men feel their identity is at risk. In my experience, an alternative can be found in the examples of societal and cultural change that succeeded in some of the most restrictive and dominant social environments. Borrowing from Asef Bayat’s 2013 book ‘Life as Politics: How Ordinary People Change the Middle East’, what counts as an antidote is the Power of Presence.

POWER OF PRESENCE

Drawing on the experience of women since the 1979 revolution in the Islamic Republic of Iran, Bayat showed how Muslim women managed to drive change by refusing to disappear and publicly engaging in ordinary practices of everyday life. ‘Women’s seemingly peculiar, dispersed, and daily struggles in the public domain not only changed aspects of their lives; they also advanced a more inclusive, egalitarian, and woman-centered interpretation of Islam.’ Two things were important: the element of ordinariness of this feminist ‘non-movement’ made it virtually irrepressible by an authoritarian regime, and its gradual nature allowed women to gain ground without constituting a threat to men. This ‘power of presence’ principle applies equally to the workspace. In her 2015 study of how Iranian women engineers navigate hyper-masculine work cultures, sociologist Negin Sattari called their approach a ‘creative participation in the gender system’. In the context of deeply rooted institutionalized discrimination, these women find power and resilience in the face of adversity by realizing that cultural change is ignited simply with their presence in public and social environments.

In every room, women change the dominant paradigm just by being present. I remember the first Board meeting I attended after joining Mars, Incorporated. Of the six family Board members, four were women, including the Chair. Having the strongest possible signal of representation coming from the company owners was more important than the many pronouncements on diversity and inclusion. In the many teams I built over the years, I came to see how the numbers matter. Working in the technology space for the last five years, I was shocked to see how the futuristic and progressive cultural discourse was contrasted with massive everyday gaps in representation. In Kinship, we made gender balance a priority on all levels, starting with the leadership team, and this commitment made a defining impact on our culture. Representation is just the start of the journey to a more inclusive workplace, but it’s a critical and necessary step... For a while last year, my Instagram feed kept showing an excerpt of the late Queen Elizabeth II broadcast in 2019: “it is often the small steps, not the giant leaps, that bring the most lasting change’.