Playing and Living Fiercely

Last week I wrote about the epiphany I had of?focusing on loving to win versus hating to lose?and how I savored a great forehand that I hit playing in a tennis tournament even though I lost. This led me to focus much more on the satisfaction of that great forehand versus what I didn’t do well or on the mistakes I made.

I used these setbacks as opportunities to learn without dwelling on them and carrying the negativity associated with them to future points.?

I played tennis again last week. I hadn’t played a lot of singles since having challenges with my hip, back, and sciatica. After returning to the court, I was more focused on playing doubles. I do love doubles, but there’s something about singles, where I’m much more in control of my own destiny, that lights the competitive fire under me. It’s sort of the?man in the arena feeling made famous by Teddy Roosevelt. Prior to?my injury, I would play fairly regularly with someone who I affectionately think of as my “nemesis.” He pushes me like very few others. He is in fantastic shape, he is a very smart player, he has incredible determination, and he is fiercely competitive. He typically beats me more than I prevail over him, although just about every match of ours is very competitive.?

Because of?my injuries and slow return to singles, I hadn’t played him in a number of months. During this time, my nemesis had not only been playing a lot of singles but with much stronger players. Needless to say, he had been challenging himself in singles much more than I had been.?Last week I was playing in a doubles match, and during one of the crossovers, I checked my phone and saw that I had received a text from Michael asking if I could play singles. I responded that I was currently playing doubles, but I would be available afterward. He said he could play, so we were all set to reunite after my doubles match. I must admit that when I think about playing him, my heart starts to race, and my anxiety level rises, knowing I’m going to be heading into battle and I will be playing a beast who will push me to my limits.

The good news is that I was coming off of a pretty good doubles match in which I played with every partner, and I prevailed in every set. I met Michael on the court, and to my surprise, he let me know that he hadn’t played in a couple of weeks because he had a hamstring injury. A slightly hobbled Michael is better than most healthy players, so I didn’t see this as much of an advantage.?

He got off to a 2-0 lead after two tight games. I kept telling myself to keep the focus on enjoying the journey, keep an open and curious mind about my mistakes and use them as opportunities to learn and improve. And don’t forget to enjoy winning! As the games unfolded, I was really satisfied that I didn’t have one negative thought come into my mind, and when I made mistakes, I may have said something, but it was more like “Oh no” versus something negative or self-defeating. Rather than beating myself up or being critical, I was just very loose and relaxed and having fun. I kept thinking, “This is why I play tennis!” He was definitely pushing me, but it was also clear that his timing was off since he hadn’t played in a couple of weeks.?

I ended up winning six in a row and taking the first set 6-2.?I knew he wouldn’t stay down for long, and during the second set, he definitely started playing better. It was at some point during this set when something popped into my head. Some people get their best ideas in the shower. For me, it now seems to be on the tennis court! I’m not sure why I thought about this, but when scrolling through book recommendations on Amazon, I came across one with a title of something like One Word. The premise of the book is to pick one word that will basically guide you through an entire year. It’s a pretty simple yet powerful concept of viewing the entire year through the prism of that one word and bringing it to life in everything you do. Somehow, in some way, when I was playing Michael, the word “fierce”?came to mind, and I connected it with the book and told myself that is exactly how I wanted to play tennis against Michael and every other opponent.

I really like the word and what it represents. To me, it’s a way of playing and living that has one live all out without backing down from challenges and taking all that life has to offer fully.

When I find a powerful word, I sometimes like to break it down into sub-components by turning it into an anagram, so the words that I come up with are ones that I think embody living fiercely.?

So let’s begin.

FIERCE

F: Fearless

This is not to say that we should rid ourselves of all fear because this is impossible and also means we are not striving to grow and challenge ourselves. Rather, it’s acknowledging our fears but not letting them get in the way of doing what fulfills us. On the?tennis court, this means that I might be nervous about making mistakes or looking foolish, or appearing lesser than my opponent, but I’m not going to let that stop me from going for it and playing with as much grit and determination as I can. Being fearless requires courage, and courage requires taking action in spite of something. The more we can exercise the muscle of courage, the more fearlessly and fiercely we can live.

I: Intelligent

One cannot just act with instinct and verve. It’s imperative to do it in an intelligent and thoughtful way as well. Good decision-making is a skill that requires a long time to hone and also necessitates learning from poor decisions and identifying where the breakdowns occurred. Making good decisions requires that we reflect and not fall prey to our impulses. It also means pouncing when the odds are in your favor and not falling into the trap of paralysis by analysis, a la Hamlet. The great thing about learning to become a good decision-maker is that it compounds and can lead to wonderful outcomes in life.?

E: Energetic?

Without energy, there is no fuel to get out of bed and do what needs to be done to live a full and meaningful life. Energy can also be contagious. On the?tennis court, it can also be intimidating in that it can convey to one’s opponent that I will never give up and you’re going to be in for a titanic battle. This can serve to drain their energy, which can not only be advantageous but is so satisfying to witness as well.?

R: Resilience?

Life will throw us curveballs, and there will be times when we will be hit by some of the pitches thrown at us. By putting ourselves in the arena of life, we will be faced with inevitable setbacks, disappointments, loss, and even despair. This is where resilience comes in and can be a true superpower to help get us through life. We have to find a way to get up after being knocked down. It’s as simple as that. It’s not easy, but the goal is simple.?

C: Control?

Living fiercely has a connotation of intensity. And while this is true, it does not imply living only through emotions that have hijacked us. Our emotions should help guide us but not overwhelm us so that we feel completely in control, but also not in a robotic way. We want to feel fully alive and know where we want to go and how we want to live our lives, and this can only come about if we control our emotions and use our minds intelligently. I felt completely in control on the court against Michael, and in spite of me losing the second set 7-5, I was extremely pleased with my mindset and overall emotional stability.?

E: Engaged?

It’s vitally important to be fully present if one wants to live fiercely. It’s incumbent upon us to invest all of our mind, body, soul, spirit, and energy into the purpose at hand. A focused mind will always prevail over a scattered one. The brain also craves concentration and focus, so it’s extremely healthy and enriching to be fully engaged.?

Here’s to living life fiercely. It’s not always easy, but it sure beats the alternatives.