Be Playful

You need to have in mind as you employ playfulness.

You need to be playful with women... but it needs to seem natural and effortless.

Natural and effortless... ground that into your skull. Too many guys focus on the thing itself, without focusing on how it's presented. But presentation is everything.

A lot of guys starting off learning humour as a "power of the crowd" thing. They think, "I've got to get everyone laughing. Then they'll all like me - and so will SHE!" So they make a joke - and make sure everyone here's it.

"Wow, look at those eyes!" a guy might say loudly to the group, pointing at the girl he likes. "You must be drunk already!"

Everyone laughs... and the girl feels embarrassed and insulted.

Wrong.

Instead, the guy who actually GETS it does this: he leans into her, when no one else is paying attention, all of them absorbed in their own conversations, and he whispers, "So you've got this kind of quiet-sage-looking-over-the-crowd thing going on... what's the story with that?"

And she laughs, and he laughs a little with her, and she starts telling him about herself or what she's feeling.

Right.

You probably know the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, right? Pretty common childhood story for most people in the West.

Just in case you don't though, it's the story of a little girl with golden locks who walks into an empty house one day (the house of three bears, unbeknownst to her) and tries a big bowl of porridge, a middle bowl of porridge, and a small bowl of porridge, all set out on a table, and breaks a chair by accident after trying the other two, and falls asleep in a bed after trying the other two. A theme of the story though is her search for the bowl, the chair, and the bed that is just right.

Learning how to be playful needs to have a strong vein of this search for what is "just right," otherwise you can very much overdo it.

Playfulness is incredibly attractive to women when done right.

Yet, it's also incredibly annoying and off-putting to women when guys go overboard with it, and it can create far too much tension when guys don't employ it at all.

So, you can think of the three phases of playfulness like this:

1.   Annoying, entertainer guy (too much)

2.   Weird, tension-creating guy (too little)

3.   Attractive, comfortable guy (just right)

Because, you see, playfulness serves a function of alleviating tension and is an attractive quality... so long as it isn't used too much.

It's getting to that "just right" place that most guys struggle with, though.

Most of them were TOO playful, or NOT ENOUGH.

So you'd end up with this odd mixture of guys: a big chunk of the guys were these joke-cracking rib-nudging funny men, while a smaller chunk of guys sat around creating spheres of uncomfortable tension around them that people tried to get away from. It was bizarre.

Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensue discussion or debate. 

Thank you …I couldn't put my finger on exactly what it was at the time - I just knew that these weren't guys I wanted to learn from or spend too much time around when I was learning and impressionable (you become like the people you spend your time with). So, I went out on my own in the wilderness (allegorically-speaking), until I started meeting guys who were naturally extremely good with women whom I could learn from.

But these days it's easy to pinpoint: these guys were cracking too many jokes, and at the wrong times. OR, they weren't cracking any AT ALL.

And this misfiring playfulness killed their coolness, their attractiveness, and their social desirability.

It turned them into those kinds of guys everyone else ends up looking out of the side of their eyes at in the party and saying, "What's that guy's deal?"

And I'm not certain any of them even knew it.

Want to add word or two? 

Timing: It's Everything

Humour changes fast as the times change).

I had sharp, witty lines for every occasion when guys and girls would come to talk to me. And I focused heavily on timing, because I knew it was an important element in being both funny AND cool.

You see, there's two kinds of funny:

Cool Funny, and

Clown Funny

... And the two are as separate from one another as night and day.

Your comment ….? 

"Cool Funny" is the kind of funny you get when a really cool guy says or does witty or amusing things.

You know, that guy that steams coolness off of him and girls like and guys want to hang out with, and sometimes he just drops a line that people crack up at BUT YOUDON’T SEE HIM AS A COMEDIAN. He's just a cool guy with a good sense of humour.

"Clown Funny" is the kind of funny you get when an otherwise ordinary guy says or does witty or amusing things, and you can tell he's doing them a lot and you can tell he's trying to be funny.

One is natural, the other is not.

One seems effortless, the other does not.

Are you picking up on the difference here?

The man who does not respect them forces his humour in willy-nilly, and as fun as it is, it shows you he is not so cool, not so desirable, and not so attractive to women.

Playfulness Women REALLY Like

A lot of guys get fooled by women's reactions into thinking they're doing things that are attractive... when they're not.

"She's laughing - that means I'm getting somewhere with her!" they think excitedly.

"She's spending time with me - she must like me!"

But women laugh at a lot of things they have no interest in going to bed with, and they spend time with a lot of people they'll never take as lovers.

Most guys miscalibrate by focusing on the wrong things.

If you want to know if she's into you, here are the questions to answer:

1.   Does she move with you when you tell her to move with you?

2.   Does she agree to meet up with you when you text her for a date?

3.   Does she come home with you when you invite her home?

4.   Does she take you as her lover?

If what you're doing is actually working, the answer to these will be "YES."

If it ISN'T, the answer is "NO."

And it's as simple as that.

Focusing on laughter, flirting, that sort of thing is training yourself the wrong way.

Why?

Because there are women who will flirt like CRAZY with guys they'd never go to bed with, and there are women who won't show it at ALL with guys they'd sleep with in a heartbeat.

Yes, you may well have passed up girls who would've done anything to have you as their lovers simply because you didn't move things forward with them, and you may well have spent weeks or months or more chasing after women who weren't remotely interested in you simply because they flirted with you because that's just what they do.

How THAT is for a wakeup call?

What kind of playfulness do women actually like, then?

Women like men who know how to be playful by friend zone teasing girls effortlessly, by flirting with girls effortlessly, and touching girls correctly and attractively.

You'll notice it isn't just "teasing girls" or "flirting with girls;" it's teasing girls effortlessly; it's flirting with girls effortlessly. It's touching girls correctly and attractively.

When you do it wrong, it's off-putting and pushes women away (or you into the friend zone).

But when you do it right... it's a sight to behold.

How to Be Playful... Effortlessly

Now of course, this won't actually be effortless when you're learning it. it isn't actual effortlessness that we're going for here - if women were actually most attracted to the most effortless men, guys at home in bed would be through the roof in hotness.

They're not, of course.

What women are attracted to, rather, is maximum apparent result with minimum apparent effort.