Play the END Game and take your Carbon Footprint to Zero

Misanthrope? /?m?s(?)nθr??p/ noun plural noun:?misanthropes a person who?dislikes humankind?

One of my readers took my musings on paraquat and the risk to feeding the world to the next level by suggesting that I might have missed something:

“You assume that One of my readers took my musings on paraquat and the risk to feeding the world to the next level by suggesting that I might have missed something:

“You assume that a Malthusian nightmare and a rapid decline of an 'overpopulated' planet isn’t exactly what would make the misanthropes smile from ear to ear.”

Now, other than not knowing what “Misanthropes” meant, (see above) this logic appeals to my inner Hunter S. Thompson, of Gonzo Journalism fame, so here’s my attempt at poking the misanthropes.a Malthusian nightmare and a rapid decline of an 'overpopulated' planet isn’t exactly what would make the misanthropes smile from ear to ear.”

Now, other than not knowing what “Misanthropes” meant, (see above) this logic appeals to my inner Hunter S. Thompson, of Gonzo Journalism fame, so here’s my attempt at poking the misanthropes.

If the modern Malthusians had their way, they'd probably wish the entire population, or at least all but a few "Planet of the Apes" types, would simply disappear and allow the earth to return to the nirvana of pre-modern human days. They would probably call it a ‘global detox’, rather than the more accurate ‘population cleanse’ as that sounds less threatening. ?

Now, noting with the lefts enthusiasm for government regulation knows no bounds as it stretches from Climate Change to Voluntary Assisted Dying (VAD) not to mention the soon to be imposed Misinformation and Disinformation Laws (MAD), it’s probably the perfect time for them to package the whole lot up into one neat Orwellian dystopian offer and invite participants to participate in a real life version of ‘The Hunger Games’.

The only problem would be that to conform to the new MAD laws they would have to call it the new Emissions Narrowing Directive or the END Game. It’s the sort of logic that would even make Greta happy — until, that is, she works out she would be a prime candidate to be a participant noting the amount of carbon she produces racing around the world making millions giving speeches about for the need for the world to panic about a minor rise in temperature.

The aim of the new game would be to move on from the old, boring demands made by government to do your bit to reduce your carbon footprint, like turning off the lights when you leave the room or putting a few solar panels on the roof. Neither seems to be making much of a difference just as building wind farms is making a dent in global emissions.

No, the answer is right there in the VAD legislation. Even better as it's voluntary — or at least according to the MAD legislation it is — remember, this is the era of Orwellian language of 'Newspeak,' where the government redefines words to mean the opposite of what they did in Oldspeak days.

Think of the recent push to redefine ‘Him’ to mean ‘Her’, and the fact that sports men are now sports women. It might be 2024, but George Orwell was onto something, even if he was 40 years out with his book 1984. ??Hence the End Game is not really the end at all rather it means the beginning of the end of the climate crisis.? Let me explain.

Step One: Register to play the “Emissions Narrowing Directive” Game The first step is to register for the new game, think of it as your final and greatest contribution to humanity — because if there's anything more virtuous than leaving this world, it’s leaving it without a huge carbon debit to your name.

Step Two: Calculate Your Decadent Emissions Next, you get an online calculator. But not just any calculator — one of the ones developed by an academic who studied economics alongside Albanese and Chalmers, you know where they learnt that spending more government money and offering rebates on power is how you reduce inflation and prove that the price of electricity really is going down as promised.

The new calculator works out just how much carbon you have been consuming and will continue to consume if you have an average life expectancy. Take that holiday to Bali each year? Let’s add that up. How about the four-bedroom house you heat in winter and cool in summer? Add it to the life time tab, so to the food miles for the Dutch cheese, the 60-inch TV, the Ford Ranger, the guilt-free Tesla, and don’t forget the dog. All symbols of your Western decadent, colonial oppressor, carbon burning lifestyle. But wait, this isn’t a shaming exercise (okay, maybe it is a bit), it’s you working out if you have enough carbon tonnes to make you eligible for early entry to the MAD VAD game.

Step Three: Avail Yourself of VAD Now that we’ve got the data, we move to the game itself. Note how we don’t mention the word ‘Dying’; that’s illegal under the MAD laws — no need to scare people off. What we are offering is the ultimate way to reduce their carbon footprint to zero in one fell swoop. And let’s be honest, we’re all just a bunch of walking CO? emitters, one expiring carcass at a time. Instead of farting around with meat-free Mondays, how about just, we get more people to stop breathing out CO? entirely?

Step Four: Get Carbon Credits for the Descendants But, in true first-world fashion, there’s a reward for your noble sacrifice — carbon credits for your descendants! Once you've availed yourself of the latest state-sponsored exit, your estate (or what's left of it after you’ve signed the bit about gifting half to a carbon charity like the one run by Woodside planting trees on farm land, your estate will receive carbon credits equivalent to the avoided emissions your lifestyle would have produced had you otherwise made it to the average mortality age in Australia.? But note the kids can’t cash them in if they have kids themselves, the credits don’t go that far.

Step Five: Identifying the Winners Look, it's a win-win. Population goes down, emissions go down, and the descendants of this brave individual get a stash of carbon credits which may be enough to save them from having to play the game. The whole family can gather around the carbon ledger and celebrate how the olds were finally good for something, added to that is the bonus that there is one less guilt-inducing hypocrite lecturing everyone at Christmas lunch about how the polar bears are dying and why Dutton and Trump are climate deniers.? Everyone is a winner.

Of course, it wouldn’t be true satire without asking the uncomfortable questions: Who do we start with? Is it the latte-sipping socialists with their holier-than-thou climate anxiety? Or perhaps the rich and famous who assure us of climate catastrophes right before hopping on a private jet to Davos? Or is it us?? I always get suspicious of those from the Green Left who want us to give up something they seem to have no intention of giving up themselves.

Maybe to get the ball rolling we could nominate the loudest elites from the Green Industrial Complex who have profited handsomely from the rest of us, as they build wind farms and green hydrogen plants at our expense. In fact, anyone who has attended Davos should be a natural starter to make the ultimate sacrifice for the planet.

Over and above saving the planet there are in fact other benefits to be had. Think of it as a way to end all wars, think of the Middle East crisis and the Ukraine and Russia war — if the elites can’t sort it out, then they get automatic entry to play the END game and sort out their differences post-VAD.? No more you and me being pushed into the front line, it’s the leaders that can make the ultimate sacrifice for the good of the nation.

As a package isn’t this what the extreme left and extreme right always wanted? Peace in our time, and mankind returning to nature, literally returning our bodies to nature. It's taking collective sacrifice and getting closer to mother earth to the next level.

Not that this is anything new. There are, no end of prophets who have called on their believers to make the ultimate sacrifice, be it Jim Jones, David Koresh, or even the infamous Heaven's Gate cult, not to mention the odd global religion. The idea of self-sacrifice for a greater cause, whether it be salvation, peace, or some twisted interpretation of reconnecting with the earth or god, has been a recurring theme throughout history.

Our new version of cult leaders are the climate activists, only they can now not just urge the world to embrace the ultimate reduction in carbon footprints but lead by example.

The Emissions Narrowing Directive isn’t just a solution; it’s the logical endpoint of a society gone mad having convinced itself that the world will take a collective approach to climate change.? As 2050 approaches and the true believers work out that few if any of the net zero targets have been met by countries, what’s stopping them from taking a Pol Pot approach to achieving Net Zero by Year Zero.

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