Planning “No Regrets” (Part 2)

As I went through the process of planning for my son to go to football (soccer for you Americans) academy, I explored the source of my hesitation, of that gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach. When I am faced with an uncomfortable situation, I keep asking myself “so what” till I get to the source of the discomfort. And here is how the conversation with myself went.

So what if he wants to pursue soccer?

Only a fraction of one percent of those who play football make it in professional soccer. What if he spends all this time and does not make it to any team?

Fear one:

He will have neither any education nor any career in football

So what?

He might have to settle for a small league team and play with them

So what?

He might not have the lifestyle that he is used to and have to stay in a small place and settle for a simpler life.

So what? And now the epiphany!

If he is happy doing that and is kind to everyone around him, does it matter whether he has a bigger house or smaller?

Alternatively, even if he tries for 10 more years and then wants to pursue a different life to get all the things he wants, he would only be 27 and has plenty of time to try other careers.

Fear two:

He is so obsessed with football that he is not learning anything else. I wish he would read more, write better and be able to get straight As in Math and Computers as well (just as a backup)

So, what? The Epiphany?

Really Lakshmi! Can you just hear yourself talking. Why not have him prepare for an Oscar, Grammy and a Nobel all at once?

Why aren’t you really happy with him pursuing the one thing he likes fully and finding his way around to whatever wonderful might come his way?

The bottom line is that I know how to be the mother of a successful entrepreneur or something else in a world where I knew how to advise or open doors for him. I was terrified of being the mother of a professional athlete because I did not know what it meant. I did not know how to guide him.

I was also startled to realize that in all these scenarios, I only worried about scenarios if he did not succeed .What if I was willing to consider ONE scenario, where he actually gets into a Pro team or a Division 1 Football team? What kind of an environment would I be creating for him if I cautioned him about failure even before he started? “So what” if I did not know how to guide? This could be a joint journey as a family venturing into the unknown together.

Finally, the clincher as this - if he wants to be a Pro, this is the time that he has to try. He can always go to college 5 or 10 years later, but he cannot try to be Pro 5 or 10 years later. If he does not do this NOW, he will always regret not trying. I met someone recently who has a successful career and he came alive when he spoke about playing football in high school and as he sounded rather sad when he said ”I should have tried to pursue football further. I gave up too soon. I am so glad that your son is pursuing it”. As I looked at this young man, I realized that for the rest of his life, he would regret not trying. He would be haunted by the “What if I succeeded” alternative where he could have pursued what he loved.

I suddenly got it. This is not even about ensuring he goes Pro. It’s all about planning a “no regrets” life for him as well as for us. I don’t want to make this about we-gave-you-all-opportunity-so-you-better-make-it so that he feels terrible if he does not make it. And it’s not about now everyone wondering if he ever makes it. It’s about learning that life would be happier if we planned for “no regrets” as opposed to “guaranteed successes”

This is the same principle I applied to INK. I spent 10 years spending every penny I made, every ounce of energy I had building INK and did not start each day worried about failing. All of us at INK are energized because we believe in our possible success and that’s how we give our best. And this is despite every set back possible.

Hosting a world class conference in a country where no one wants to pay for anything and wants a free pass, we found amazing INKsters who not only paid for themselves but brought in 30 to 40 of their family and friends; Just as our whole business model of conference collapsed with COVID, we remerged with leadership 2.0 program and corporate partners signed up; we launched online shows and speakers appeared without any demands; the team stayed intact and accepted new roles, higher expectations, new projects and my partners in crime from the beginning – Anu and Nandini, redefined their roles and took on huge task of leading our Foundation and shaping an even better program of INK Fellows and more. All this happened because we tried many new things without thinking of failure. If a new idea comes, we pursue to it’s fullest with partners and budgets in place and not just jump in and hope it works.

I have pursued jobs where I was rejected, was involved in relationships that did not work out. When I brought TED to India and made the decision to move with my family to India, I had NO IDEA whether it would be successful or not. All I knew was that if I did not try it, I would always regret it. Whether I attain financial success or not, I would never wonder “what if”.

Now, my business mantra from this episode is to shift oneself from worrying and wondering in personal as well as professional lives to planning no regrets actions through asking “so what” and never wonder “what if”. The key is to surround oneself with the right cheerleaders who support and stand by you and give it all one has, no holds barred.