P&L OF LIFE

Warning! Approach with caution – side-effects may include deep sadness and evaluation of your priorities.

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In business, we evaluate our successes by looking at our P&L. There are profits, and there are losses. We analyse our bottom line in detail, and then we practically decide if the efforts are worth the struggle.

But how does one evaluate a life?

When we deal with a tragic event, the agony is so profound that it makes it impossible to concentrate on anything else. Consumed with grief, it is our natural reaction to focus on the loss.

But I have been desperately trying to count my blessings instead. And highly-possibly, it is my self-preserving mechanism in my head, trying to keep me sane or, probably, helping me to go insane to ease the pain. Experimenting with my unbearable feelings of loss, I have been hoping to learn to concentrate on all the profits instead.

You see, I lost someone dear recently. My beloved brother – my best friend.

It happened unexpectedly, as it always does. Even when you think you are prepared, you are not. And now he is gone. And I wish I could spend more time with him – I would be fully there, more present, joyful, and cherishing every second I have with him. I would pick up every single call from him, even the ones in the middle of a very important meeting. I wouldn’t rush our conversations, even if I had to run somewhere else. I would say many more things I want to say to him now. I would see him more often.

I would, but now I can’t. And I know, it sounds so cliché. But now I truly mean it. And all the losses of missed opportunities are killing me now.

But there were so many fantastic moments too! When we were stealing apples from a neighbour’s tree, when we were sneaking out to attend a midnight disco patry, when we talked for hours and hours. They were all these perfect, wonderful little moments which will stay with me forever.

Scrolling through the memories, revisiting the shared events with my brother, I am filled with gratitude. I am so lucky I had him in my life! And no amount of the pain from loss can beat this hell of a profit!